They're a Nightmare Dressed Like a Daydream
by Ithinkyoullknxw
Summary: "I wished you the best of all this world could give. And I told you when you left me, there's nothing to forgive. But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery." Set post minibus crash.
1. Chapter 1

_Just a little something. I'd like to keep updating if people are interested? XO_

Her body lay still and lifeless, the only movement was her chest slowly rising and falling because of the multitude of wires attaching her to the machines. Her usually perfect skin was dull in comparison to her normal olive tones, both deep and superficial wounds covered her face and visible skin and bruises adorned her head and cheeks in colours that envied the darkest of night skies.

The days had dragged on for those sitting by Carla's hospital bed for hours on end, watching in agonised silence for the slightest sign of life. Michelle had hardly left her side, stroking her hand tenderly every day, talking lovingly to the best friend she'd endured years of pain, laughter and love with. Others attended as frequently as they could, Tracy, the one who had pulled Carla from the wreckage of the bus crash had been every day and Michelle knew that when,_ if, _Carla ever awoke, their relationship would be changed forever. Even Carla's estranged brother had been granted day release from prison, turning up escorted by police to beg his sister to wake and promise his forgiveness if she'd just open her goddamned eyes.

Nothing.

But what really broke Michelle's heart, what made her cry almost as much as seeing the closest person she had left in such a state was seeing Carla's ex-husband, every day, standing helplessly by the window, never coming in, never staying long enough to speak to anyone. But Peter was there without fail, looking for a change, his cheeks looking tearstained constantly, even when no tears were being shed. The look in his eyes told Michelle all she needed to know. He'd never stopped loving Carla. He probably never would.


	2. Chapter 2

_If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Peter rubbed his tired eyes, shifting uncomfortably in the front seat of his car where he had recently woken. He repeatedly checked his clock, knowing Michelle was later at leaving than usual, agitated and desperate to be near his almost ex-wife. He pulled out a bottle of water from beside him, swigging it back quickly, trying to wake himself up from his restless sleep.

He sat up a while later as he caught a glimpse of Michelle leaving the hospital, grabbing his phone and rushing out of the car, barely stopping to check it was locked as he hurried inside, knowing where he was going like the back of his hand now. He ran up the stairs two at a time, holding his coat in his hand as he finally reached the ward where Carla's private room was, breathing heavily but his eyes alight at the hope of some news.

Peter smiled at the familiar blonde haired nurse, approaching her almost with caution, knowing she could hold the key to knocking down his entire world. The nurse gave him a soft, knowing smile, almost in awe of this man. She was far from a hopeless romantic but if anyone could make her believe in deep, painful, all-consuming love, it was this lost gentleman.

"Alright Claire… Any change?" Peter smiled slightly, his eyes already wondering to the window of the closed door, seeing Carla sleeping peacefully. He thought silently that it was maybe the happiest she had ever looked. But even as that thought lingered in his mind, others were ready to push it away. Her smile when he held her properly for the first time, all night long. The way her eyes lit up whenever he told her he loved her. Her face on their wedding day… As she said I do, as she danced away her troubles, laughing through the night in ecstasy.

All at once a crushing feeling almost brought him to his knees, the never ending regret that wouldn't leave him alone. It never left him alone.

He was bought back to earth as the pretty nurse he had spoken to a moment ago responded. "No more news I'm afraid. But the good thing is she hasn't deteriorated since the last time. Sometimes no news is good news Mr Barlow." Peter merely nodded, wiping his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "Can I?" His voice was barley a whisper as he nodded towards the door. "Of course. She might not be able to respond right now but that doesn't mean she can't hear.. Remember that." Claire left Peter alone, walking away with more intrigue about the handsome stranger than ever.

Peter took a moment to compose himself before stepping into Carla's room. He placed his coat on the chair beside her bed and places a tender kiss to her bruised forehead, "Hello baby." He slipped off his shoes as always, ever so slowly and carefully climbing up beside her, his routine set after weeks of the same thing. His hand delicately stroked her side, scared of hurting her even in her unconscious state. "Nurse says you can probably hear me. Probably should make the most of your lack of ability to slap me in the face, eh love?" He gave the quietest chuckle, kissing her temple so very softly.

"You probably won't remember these nights at all. Or maybe you will, maybe you'll think you're dreaming or something Carla, I don't know. But I have to say something or I'll go crazy. I think you'd be proud of me if you were awake. You wouldn't admit in, not in a million years but I know you'd feel it. Haven't touched a drop of drink since I left, Car'. Been tempted, god I've been tempted but I have this technique now you see. " Peter wiped his eyes quickly, hardly even realising he was crying. "What I do love is, whenever I'm tempted, I get on me coat and I walk to an offy. Hear me out before you start telling me how stupid that is eh." He kissed twirls her hair around his finger gently. "I walk to an offy and I look how much a bottle of whatever I fancy is. Cos see then, I put that money in a bank for our Si for when he's 18. It's building up nicely now baby. If I hadn't royally fucked up that account might have been for our baby girl."

Peter took a deep breath, waiting a moment before be carried on speaking. "I think about her everyday Carla. What we would have named her, what she would have looked like. Your eyes, your smile. Baby, I miss that smile more than anything. I promise I will never touch a drop if you wake up and just smile at me." Peter watched her, praying silently for the slightest movement but nothing changed. It never did.

"It kills me, Carla. I can't make it better. Not this, not our little girl, not Tina. I can't take it away. And I can't ever give a reason for tearing out world apart when you gave me so very much in the little time we had together. Do you remember sweetheart? The things we did, the plans we made. Your little face used to beam at the thought of our future. I loved being the one behind those smiles. I loved being Carla Connors prince charming." His hand found hers, entwining their fingers together as he lay with her all night long, talking about their past, the future he longs to repair. He tells her promises he desperately wants to keep and talks passionately about their love. The love they shared, Peter thinks, is one that can't be replaced or lost. No matter how severely broken something is; he tells her he knows there is always a way back.

He vows to prove that to her and keep all of his promises if she keeps her side of the deal. If just she wakes up.

_\- Reviews are loved, and definitely encourage quicker updates! xo _


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, will you come home and stop this pain tonight?_

"Peter?"

"Peter?"

Peter groaned as he rubbed his eyes, untangling himself from Carla's unmoving body and sitting up. He panicked inwardly as he saw Michelle, not having meant to sleep for so long, wanting to be away before she got here as he always was. He mumbled inaudibly as he hurried to find his coat, slipping his shoes on and rushing past Michelle, his head down.

He ignored her pleas as he hurried through the corridors of the hospital. "Peter, will you just stop! Please!" Michelle tried one last time, watching as the figure a few meters ahead of her stopped, running his hand through his hair as he leaned against the wall. Peter's anguish was obvious, pain evident in his very being.

Michelle finally caught up with him, watching as he slid down the wall of the cold, unforgiving hospital, sobs taking over his tired frame. "She won't wake up, Chelle." He spoke through his constant cries, Michelle now mirroring his emotions.

"I lay with her every night. I sleep in my car, I've hardly left this place for weeks and she won't wake up!" Michelle sat beside him, pulling him against her and holding him as they both cried together, sharing each other's agony. "I've lost her, haven't I? This is all my fault."

Michelle didn't answer, just letting him sob against her shoulder as she did the same, both of them holding each other in silence, unable to help themselves or each other.

Michelle cradled her cup of dishwater, hospital tea a while later as she walked solemnly beside Peter. They had spent a while together away from the torture of Carla's hospital room. She had listened to him speak mostly, letting him explain how he hadn't been able to move so far away, renting a flat only half an hour away from Weatherfield instead. All the time she was listening, she was watching him too, sensing in all honesty that he was heartbroken over his mistakes.

Michelle looked up through the window as she approached the private ward and opened the door quickly, dropping her cup in shock, spilling it all over the floor without caring as she pushed past the nurses and Doctors surrounding her best friend's bed.

"Carla?!"

Carla looked up, the lights blinding her almost in her sleep like daze. She looked across at Michelle but her eyes looked almost straight through her, seeing only the crying man behind her with his eyes red raw and his body obviously exhausted.

Peter mouthed her name, unable to take his eyes away from her, scared she'd disappear if he looked away. He couldn't face it. He couldn't stand to hear her reject him again. His surprise and shock at the situation he was unable to control pushed him away and he did the only thing he knew how. He rushed away quickly, desperate to escape the heat and fear of the room.

He didn't hear her croaky, broken voice call his name.

He wasn't there to see the lost, desperate, terrified tears escape her newly opened eyes.

He didn't hear.

He wasn't there.

He left her.

Again.

_Thank you_


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry it's been a while! Please review if possible, they make me smile. XO _

Carla groaned as she flopped down onto the sofa, leaning the crutches beside her and pushing her hair out of her face. She smiled halfheartedly up at Michelle and took the coffee from her, watching the steam rise as she concentrated on the boiling liquid, resting it n her tracksuit covered thigh. She leaned back onto the sofa, struggling to pull her legs up and make herself comfy before rolling her eyes at Michelle as she asked if she was okay.

"Sorry, I don't mean to keep on. I just care, Carla.." Michelle bit her lip, sitting on the armchair opposite Carla.

Carla nodded, "I know you don't. Sorry for being such a miserable cow love." She sighed, sipping her coffee before staring into space, not really in the mood for small talk.

She half listened to Michelle, nodding and responding every so often as though to appear to be listening but she barely heard a word she said, her mind somewhere else completely, somewhere she would much rather be.

Later that evening Carla eventually persuaded Michelle to take some time for herself and head home, telling her that her that Steve would need her too and that she could do with some alone time, desperately hoping she would listen.

After struggling for long while with a glass, a bottle of wine and her crutches, Carla eventually managed to find her way to the kitchen table, sitting back with an infuriated sigh before pouring some wine and drinking it back quickly. She knew she wasn't meant to drink on her medication but that was the last thing on her mind. She was tired. Tired of being the victim, tired of being mollycoddled, tired of being in need. Especially when the one thing she needed she couldn't reach. Or rather, she was too scared to try.

Carla rubbed her head, drinking back the wine quicker than she realised, topping up her glass almost constantly. She allowed her eyes to close, her mind wandering to when times were easier than this. She had known hurt since she was a child, known what it felt like to be scared and alone when all she wanted was love and comfort. Liam. Liam had taken up almost all of her childhood and most of her adult life too. Wanting him, craving him, missing him, needing him, loving him. He was still always there, she still thought about him every day at least.

Now she was tormenting herself again, over another man, another person who she had again let in, loved and trusted and wanted and needed so very desperately. She felt as though he had been ripped away as well, as though everyone was always taken away.

Carla hardly slept since leaving the hospital and every time she did her dreams were plagued with the same memory over and over again. His lips mouthing her name and then before she knew it, the back of his head. His old battered leather jacket heading out the door quicker than she could stop him. She wasn't enough the first time and she wasn't enough that time. Experience told her she probably wouldn't be enough this time but the wine and desperation for once outweighed her fear and before she knew it her fingers were typing his number and her phone was by her ear.

Her breath hitched in her throat as he answered but neither of them spoke, neither of them dared. All that could be heard was the sound of their nervous breathing, though Carla was sure she could hear the shock and nerves in Peter's voice despite him saying no words at all.

She broke the silence first, her voice shaking in fear and want and most of all, love.

"Peter..."

He responded with her name in return, speaking so softly. She had always loved the way her name sounded in his voice. The way it sounded so right. She thought to herself that the way it sounded hadn't changed, the love still appeared so clearly. Though she wondered if maybe she was imagining it, bringing it to life because she was desperate for that to be the truth.

"Peter, I need you..."


	5. Chapter 5

_"It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. We've come a long way from where we began, oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."_

Carla had sat thinking for the longest time as she waited for him to arrive, her mind in overdrive. She had been so desperate for him to come and hold her, to stroke her hair back from her face and love her like she craved and yet now all she could think about was the hurt he had caused her. The pain she felt that he had left her with. Suddenly, she was unsure how she would react when she saw him. Whether she'd fall into his arms desperately or slap him hard across his face, hitting over and over, kicking and screaming with all the energy she had left, just so he could feel the tiniest about of aching she did, relentlessly.

Peter stood outside the place of the address Carla had given him previously, his hair wet and messy in the rain and his hands in his pockets, just staring at the flats nervously. Eventually he buzzed to be let in and climbed the stairs to the flat, his mind filling with memories of all the times he had walked the flights of stairs to Carla's old flat, much happier times ahead than what he knew was to come.

He bit his lip, his heart beating ridiculously fast as he watched Carla open the door, moving aside silently to let him past. He watched her, taking her in apprehensively and his eyes hardly leaving her in the next few moments, never expecting to see her in this way again, so unlike the usual barriers she put up when in public.

Carla frowned softly as she felt his arm on hers, trying to support her as she stumbled whilst trying to get herself to the sofa. She kept quiet and let herself sit, her eyes following him as he sat down opposite her.

"What did you think this was, Peter? Did you think this was me calling ya for some sort of surprise reunion? Did you think the fact I nearly died would make me forget everything that's happened?" She shook her head as she noticed him trying to speak, stopping him before he got a chance.

"I hate you so much, Peter." She continued her voice low and quiet, almost emotionless.

"I think I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone and that's saying somethin', darlin'." She looked at him directly now, wanting him to feel just a little of what she felt, to understand her pain and grief.

"Tony… He took my Liam. He took the love of my life, me best mate, me world." She forced herself not to cry, thinking over everything she'd planned on saying, everything she needed him to know. "Frank, well Frank took the last bit of dignity I 'ad left didn't he." She almost glared now, her anger and pain so evident, although Peter was sure he could sense her desperation and need, however hidden it was.

"But you? You, Peter flammin' Barlow... You took so much more. You took you. You took our relationship, our love, our trust. You took that from the very first second you shagged your little bit on the side." She didn't say her name, it hurting too much despite the deep rooted hatred she would always feel for Tina.

"But you didn't stop there did ya? That wasn't enough for ya eh?" She spoke so bitterly but the tears were evident in her eyes now, looking across at Peter who just listened, just taking everything she had to throw at him but unable to stop his own tears.

"You took a part of me as well, Peter." She whispered, "I gave myself to you completely and I can never, ever get that back." Carla cried properly now, looking up and taking a deep breath before she looked back down at him, her eyes showing more than even her most honest words.

"And the worst thing is, you took my little girl." She ignored the almost sob Peter gave, "I didn't want to be a mum, I didn't want a kid, Peter. But boy did I love that baby. I loved her with every inch of me. My baby, my little girl."

She fiddled with her hands, not looking at him now, her mind obviously elsewhere, her heart not in arguing with him anymore but aching over her loss. "She would have wanted for nothing, y'know." She shook her head, "I'm not talking toys or clothes, I mean love. I mean real, deep, all-consuming, painful love. I would have loved her so much, every day. I would have told her how beautiful she was, how loved, how precious." Carla still cried, her mind just over taken with the things she had dreamt about every night since losing her daughter, "I would have been a good mum." She told herself more than Peter, "I would have.."

Eventually she carried on, having needed to catch her breath and think over what she had been saying, her mind so settled on their baby. "I would have called her Hayley." She nodded, her eyes still on her hands and not her ex-lover. "Hayley Michelle Connor. A little piece of everyone.. Hayles, Chelle, Liam and Paul." She nodded, speaking mostly for herself now, not even sure why she was telling him. "She would have fixed me.." her eyes met Peter's now, "She would have made me whole again."

Peter watched her, his heart aching as much as hers was for their daughter, the little girl that was a piece of both them. He had spent hours imagining them both, how different their life would be if she had survived. He looked at Carla intently, knowing he'd spent the last few weeks wondering if she would survive too, imagining her funeral, the days, weeks, months, years after, knowing he'd never have been the same.

He slowly knelt down in front of her, his breathing heavy and nervous as he silently cried in front of her. His words caught in his throat as he tried to speak and instead he simply placed his hand on Carla's cheek, cupping it softly, desperately.

And slowly, silently, simply, their lips met again.


	6. Chapter 6

_Sorry for bad language in this update! Is everyone else gutted Alison will be leaving for sometime too? Here's hoping for a Carla and Peter reunion when she's back! Thanks so much for the reviews, they mean the world. Xoxo_

_Nobody said it was easy, oh it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard. I'm going back to the start. _

Carla stayed still against his lips, barely moving though her breathing quick and nervous. Her eyes remained open, watching Peter as tears streamed down his face, matching hers. Without warning she kissed him back, softly and scared and then deeply and passionately all at once. Her hands found his top, pulling him in closely against her, kissing him as though he were to be snatched away, as though they had no past heartaches and were merely passionate estranged lovers.

"Fuck you." She spat bitterly as she pulled back abruptly, leaving Peter completely confused. She gasped, her breathing erratic "Fuck you you selfish bastard." It only took a few seconds for her lips to find his again, kissing as desperately as she was before. She let herself fall back against the sofa, pulling him down onto her, her hands under his top and clawing his skin.

"I love you Carla.." She heard Peter whispering right by her ear as he kissed, forcing her to close her eyes, her body aching. "I hate you." She whispered back honestly. "I hate you so much for making you love me." She continued to kiss him over and over, so wanting, craving him, needing him. Carla allowed Peter to scoop her up, tenderly, and carry her to the bedroom, both their breathing all over the place as they lay on the bed and their bodies tangled.

* * *

Carla and Peter lay on the bed next to each other in silence. They hadn't made love, in fact they were both almost fully dressed. Neither of them moved for the longest time, almost as though they were too scared to ruin the moment, the peace making it feel safe again.

It was Carla's quiet whisper that broke the silence, still looking up at the ceiling and not at him "Now you'll feel no rain, for I will be your shelter. Now you'll feel no cold for I will keep you warm." She slowly looked to him, knowing he was watching her. "That's what you said on our wedding day, that's what you promised to me." She let a few tears tumble down her face, shaking her head, "I'm cold, Peter.. I'm so cold everyday. I can always feel the rain again.." She tried to catch her breath again as she finished, feeling all she had done for months was cry. Cry when no one was looking, cry when no one was around. Keeping up this huge image of someone she could never even dream to be.

Peter ever so softly wiped her tears away, ignoring the fact he was crying himself. "There was one promise I didn't break...'' he used the voice he only saved for her, the one that was soft and loving and most of all, honest.

"I promise to love you above all others." His mind flashed to their wedding day, to the moment his eyes met hers and that heart stopping smile flashed on her lips. It even reached her eyes that day. Despite everything, in that moment, he knew she was his world. He just didn't know how to stop from hitting self destrust. He didn't know how to save either of them. "I always loved you above all others, Car'" Her name fell from her lips like poison to her ears, so sweet and so deadly.

"Even when you were fucking our babysitter?" She didn't mean to sound so bitter, but when something tears your insides apart so painfully it's almost impossible not to come apart on the outside to.

Peter swallowed back, knowing he had to be a better person than he'd ever been before, for her. "I always loved you more. I slept with Ti.. With her because I'm a vain old man with shit morals and an alcohol problem. I'll never know why you fell for me Carla but if there's one thing you take from our relationship please let it be that I adored you. Every inch of you."

They lay silently for a small while longer before Carla slowly moved her hand across and grabbed Peters, almost desperately.

And that was how they stayed for the rest of the night. Side by side. Hand in hand. Almost silently, as the rest of the world carried on without them


	7. Chapter 7

_I'm not sure about this chapter but here it is anyway! Ive written the next part so if you guys enjoy this I'll upload tomorrow! Thanks again for the generous reviews, they make my day! Xox_

_"And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere away from here."_

It was a week or so before Peter laid eyes on Carla again, her skin sun kissed and hair even lighter than before from the sun as it tumbled down her back. She threw Peter an almost side smile as she saw him watching, admiring, and gave a tiny wave before shutting the car door and heading inside the factory.

He knew LA would be good for her, he knew she'd needed to clear her head but although they'd shared a few texts while she was away, he'd missed her like crazy. He bit his lip, finding himself following behind her like a love sick puppy, desperate to be in her presence again.

Carla didn't notice as Peter leaned against the open office door, letting his eyes take her in with a soft smile as he watched her settle back into working life almost immediately. "Hello stranger..." he smirked softly, bored of waiting for her to notice him, missing her sultry tones and the way her voice made his body shiver.

"Blimey, Peter you scared the life out of me!" Carla gasped, honestly being oblivious to his arrival. Peter chuckled, coming inside now, "sorry love, just wanted to say hello." He let his eyes glance over her body, taking in the way the grey dress she wore accentuated her curves. He'd almost forgotten just the affect she had on him. Carla smiled coyly, Peter making no attempts to hide the way his eyes devoured her, enjoying his attention again. He sat with her and they chatted for a while, catching up on the last couple of weeks and just talking like they used to, obviously slipping back into a comfortable relationship, despite what was left unsaid between them. Carla ended up getting little to no work done for the rest of the afternoon, Peter making no attempts to leave and Carla not wanting him to either.

A while later and they sat on either end of Carla's sofa, but the way Carla's legs spread across the sofa meant they were constantly touching. "That orange juice doing it for ya kid?" Carla smirked softly, drinking her own and making a feeble attempt to hide the way her heart jumped at Peters touch. He laughed softly "oh aye, I've found an orange juice on the rocks can cure all me troubles. " Peter joked back, enjoying being around her again and the lighthearted conversation they could share. He felt so at ease in her home, despite only being there a handful of times, her company making him feel safe again

"Oh and what troubles do you gave eh? Now living comfortably rent free at ya dad's, a jobs just fallen into ya lap and you're back near ya kid, seems pretty peachy to me Barlow." She didn't speak bitterly, just honestly, finding she was happy that he was back around and happy that he was near, though not admitting that.

"Well I haven't got you for a start." Peters honesty shocked Carla and she looked down at her glass before back up at him, the silence in the room almost deafening.

"I'm moving back to LA." She blurted it out, watching Peters face visibly drop. "What?! Forever? You can't be serious Car'.."

"Being here isn't good for me, Peter. I need a fresh start, another chance." She watched him carefully after her response, letting him take everything in, his heartache at the situation obvious. He nodded, not knowing what to say but feeling like he'd pushed her away unknowingly. He stood up, Carla mirroring him and following him to the door

"Are you not even going to try and fight for me, are you not going to try and make me stay?" Carla spoke so quietly, her heart in her mouth, "I feel like everything I say pushes you away further, I feel like I get closer and then blink and you're further away than ever." Peter spoke so softly and honestly, not realising how close they were standing now.

Moments later Peter felt Carla's lips crashing onto his and immediately he responded, unable to help himself. They kissed for what felt like forever desperate for each other despite neither of them fully giving in.

"Carla you can't leave.."

"Peter come with me.."

They both spoke at the same time, pulling away from each other but only slightly and neither of them replied, neither of them spoke, their future hanging in the balance...


	8. Chapter 8

_As promised! Thanks so much for the reviews, keep them coming! I love hearing what you guys are enjoying and what you'd like to happen next. Xo_

_"I tell myself you don't mean a thing, and what we got, got no hold on me. But when you're not there I just crumble, I tell myself I don't care that much, but I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch. Only love, only love can hurt like this"_

Peter waited. He waited when he thought she was just running slightly late. He waited when she wouldn't answer his calls and texts. He waited when they had minutes to spare. He waited when their flight had been and gone. He even waited still when he knew she wasn't coming. He'd been so excited the last couple of days, he knew Carla's proposal of a fresh start in LA meant she wanted him again, completely. It meant they could move away and start to rebuild themselves among the broken ruins of what they had once been. Peter knew that the last year had shown him he would do anything in the realms of possibility to be with her and if that meant moving to LA he'd never even hesitate.

He banged repeatedly on the door of Carla's flat, loudly and carelessly, not thinking of those he might disturb. She opened the door a while later and stood in her dressing gown, the guilt in her eyes apparent even in Peters state. "Proud of your handy work eh Car? This what you had planned all along is it? You were never coming were ya? I've seen 'Chelle and she 'ad no idea what I was talking about. You were playing me, letting me think I was in with a chance. You're a heartless cow, Carla." Peter swayed slightly as he tried to pronounce every word, rambling, still in the door way

"Peter you're drunk.." Carla whispered, shocked, knowing she had caused this but not meaning for it to go so far.

"I waited for you! I waited at that airport all day, hoping you'd turn up or at least answer me calls. Did I hurt you that badly you had to humiliate me like that?"  
"Yes!" Carla shouted back, "Yes Peter you did hurt me that badly." Carla took a deep breath, "Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt ya, I just.. I 'ad to be sure you were serious, I needed to know I was back in charge again Peter. I never meant for this." She swallowed back, feeling awful with herself. She had never intended to move back, she didn't even know why she'd said it. Maybe she'd wanted to hurt him, maybe she'd been testing him. maybe both. They were getting so close again that it terrified her. She had never known pain like losing someone to death. Paul and Liam's deaths had scarred her in more ways than one. But they were gone and although their deaths destroyed her, they'd already caused her the most excruciating pain and it was no longer possible for them to hurt her any more. But Peter, he was alive and kicking and able to hurt her over and over. Sometimes, she wasn't sure which was worse.

Peter sank down to sit on the arm of her sofa, dropping the bottle in his hand and crying quietly but desperately, feeling like the world had been taken from under his feet. He felt lost as he looked at her, as he felt her pull him close to her chest and let him cry onto her shoulder. "What are we doing, Carla? Where are we going from here?" He spoke so quietly, clinging onto her like a lost child who had just found their mother. She didn't answer. In all honestly, she didn't have the answers he needed. So they remained in an almost painful silence. Peter let his eyes closed as they stayed in the same comforting position, drunk and tired and terribly scared as he allowed the sound of Carla's steady heartbeat to lull him into a sense of security.

* * *

Carla handed Peter his second coffee of the night a while later, sitting down on the armchair opposite him and awkwardly fiddling with the leggings she'd recently changed into, feeling exposed in just her dressing gown and underwear. That meant Peter could see her skin, and that meant he could see the affect he had on her. That was too much control for Carla to let go of yet.

"How you feeling?" She asked, genuinely caring, heartbroken that she had driven him back to the drink after so little time had passed that they had been talking again. "Like an idiot." Peter grumbled, drinking back some of his coffee quickly, "No more than I deserve though." He watched as Carla gave a regretful smile before speaking again, "I didn't mean what I said earlier, I'm sorry, Carla.." Carla shook her head softly, "Forget it, Peter. Water under the bridge, eh?"

Peter nodded, rubbing his face as he put his empty mug on the coffee table. "Suppose I should head off, I've caused enough trouble for today." He stood up slowly as Carla did the same. "Already? I mean.." She tried not to sound as desperate as she felt, "You don't have to rush off..."

Peter's eyes watched hers, catching her gaze and not moving,

"What are you saying, Car'?" His voice was desperately quiet, desperately needing, desperately hoping.

"I'm saying.. Stay. Stay tonight, Peter." She nodded, as though she had just decided this was what was meant to happen, as though she suddenly realised this was exactly what she wanted. What she needed.

Before Peter had the chance to respond, a key turned in the door of Carla's flat and Michelle appeared a moment later, "Just me darlin'!" She called cheerfully, carrying a take-away bag and running her hand through her hair as she looked up, biting her lip, "Shit sorry, 'ave I interrupted something?" She wasn't sure how she felt about Peter's sudden return to Carla's life. Michelle knew he loved her, the way he'd been at the hospital confirmed that. She also highly suspected, in fact she knew for certain that Carla would always love him. But she also knew that Carla was the perfect example of love not always being enough.

Carla shook her head quickly, "No, no, Peter were just going, weren't ya?" She didn't look at Peter, feeling guilty and gutted that the most positive moment they had shared since being reunited was ruined but she wasn't ready to let anyone else into what was happening yet, whatever that was. She wasn't ready to let even her best friend into the delicate situation so instead she panicked and did what she did best. What her and Peter both did best. Pretended.

She watched Peter sigh sadly and nod, mumbling his goodbyes and quickly heading out, leaving them both unsure of what lay ahead.


	9. Chapter 9

_Love the reviews, thank you, you lovely people. Keep them coming, they make me want to write so much more for you all :)! Decided both Carla and Peter deserved a bit of a happier chapter haha. Enjoy XO _

_The sound of your heart beating made it clear suddenly, the feeling that I can't go on is light years away, 'cause I am your lady and you are my man. _

Carla couldn't sleep that night. She'd done a lot of bad things in her time but she knew what she'd done to Peter was one of the lowest. She tossed and turned, the bed sheets tangled in her tired body as she thought over what she'd done, regretting it completely. Peter's reaction to her cruel act had made her realise that they could have begun to build a life together again, that he was truly serious about making things right again. But of course she seemed to only be able to push him further away, making the reunion almost impossible. She knew Peter had been so careful not to put a foot wrong since being back in her life. He hadn't pushed her, hadn't argued, he hadn't even pointed out her own faults that made their marriage difficult. Although, Carla knew them all too well regardless. She was pushy, needy, bossy even. Forcing him into things he had no interest in. But since he'd back, he hadn't hinted to those factors even once. He'd been the perfect gentleman. And yet still Carla continued to make his life a living hell.

Everyone has their demons.

Maybe, Carla thought, it was time to put Peter's aside for now.

* * *

Carla eventually gave up trying to drift back to sleep and clumsily climbed out of bed just after six. She made herself a coffee and pottered around her flat, trying to keep busy, trying not to think of Peter. Eventually she made her way back into her bedroom and got herself dressed, taking ages pondering over what to wear, how to impress him. Stupid she knew, when she was sure she could have him so easily but she longed for him to crave her like she did him, to think about her every minute of every day. Carla was an incredibly clever woman but she could never quite understand just how many of her feelings were reciprocated. Then again, she never gave Peter the chance to tell her.

After hours of getting ready, a multitude of different outfits and eventually ending up back in the first thing she tried on, Carla slipped into her leather jacket and headed out of her flat. She made her way over to Peter's and stood outside, shuffling her feet for a few moments before eventually knocking.

"Oh, Hiya Ken.." She smiled politely as Ken opened the door, "Is Peter around?" Ken nodded with a soft smile, "Of course Carla, he's just through there. Do come in." He stepped aside happily to allow Carla to walk through. Ken had always had a soft spot for Carla. He liked the positive effect she had on Peter, even now. He'd been full of sorrow when Peter did what he did and always secretly longed for a reunion, despite always thinking it was against the odds. Until now, perhaps.

Peter stood up as he heard Carla's voice, nodding gratefully as Ken said he'd leave them to it. "Carla hi, didn't expect to see you today.." They stood on the hallway of his dad's house, neither of them wanting to make their conversation public. Carla shrugged, "Well I thought I deserved a day off from slaving over a hot stove so I decided you could take me for lunch." She smirked cheekily as she half joked, them both knowing she hardly even knew what a stove was. Peter gave a hearty laugh, nodding, "Oh I see how it is…" He tried to contain his joy at the prospect of spending a day with her, any thoughts of what she had done to him only the day before were gone. He was fickle he knew, but Carla standing there in front of him, offering everything he could want, who was he to turn that down.

"I have to warn ya though, Barlow, I'm a 5* kinda girl." She grinned as he pulled on his coat with a laugh, "I have heard that love." He let her link his arm with hers and they walked out, his face displaying how proud he was to be seen so publically with her, even if it was just a friendly gesture. For now.

Peter took Carla to lunch in a little restaurant in town, quiet and away from prying eyes. They often used to eat here when they were together and he remembered it was one of Carla's favourites. Peter pulled out Carla's chair for her before sitting down himself, boldly ordering her a red wine and himself lemonade, wanting to make her proud despite his little stumble.

"You didn't have to do that y'know." Carla spoke honestly but smiled up at him, chewing on her lip slightly. "I wanted to. I'm fine, just a blip that's all."

They spent their lunch in a blissful bubble, laughing over trivial things and enjoying the peacefulness of being away from the street. They didn't speak about anything serious, they didn't encounter awkward silences, just pure happiness from two people that were and probably always would be, bound by unconditional love.

Carla cackled loudly as she yanked Peter's hand and pulled him from the taxi hours later, leading him inside and up the stairs, quickly heading into her flat. He grinned down at her, the sexual tension between them had been growing since the first night he came to her flat and yet neither of them had given in. Scared of what it would mean. But with the troubles of the last few days, it was as though a weight had been lifted for both of them. They were able to enjoy the day together and live for the moment, even if that was just for today.

Peter let Carla lead him into her bedroom and it barley took minutes for their passion to overtake, any thoughts of right or wrong vanished. Before they could change their minds, they were one again.

* * *

Carla lay naked against Peter's also naked body, absentmindedly stroking his chest as they lay quietly together, scared to ruin the moment that had made them both feel as though the past year had never happened.

"Do you regret that?" Peter looked down at her, both his arms around her body as he held her against his chest, needing her warmth and love. "No.. No. Why do you?" Carla didn't look up, scared of his answer but he quickly reassured her, telling her he'd never wanted anything more.

He stroked her hair softly, letting it tangle around his fingers as he built up the courage to speak, saying things he'd been wanting her to know since she regained conscious. "I never thought I'd see that little smile again, y'know…" Peter whispered as he noticed the tiny, coy smile on Carla's lips, causing her to look up at him, intrigued, "Every night in that hospital when you were… sleeping. I watched you, waiting for some sort of movement. I didn't think it would ever happen…" Carla frowned softly as she sat up slightly, her body still so completely against his though, "You were there when I were in hospital? Every night?" She watched as Peter nodded slightly, taking a deep breath as she thought through everything, "You didn't tell me…" She looked up at him from under her long lashes, looking so little and delicate in his arms, "I didn't think you'd want to know." Peter shrugged, still tenderly stroking her hair. "I've been a cow ain't I.." Carla mumbled guilty as Peter chuckled, "No change there love." He joked, making Carla nudge him softly before laughing herself.

"Carla I deserve everything you throw at me and more probably, I definitely don't deserve this.." Peter's fingers stroked her bare skin now, unable to believe what was happening, unable to believe his luck. "Mhm, well there's a few folk who'd say I 'ad it coming to me so I guess we've both had our just deserts eh?" She took a deep, almost nervous breath, "Look Peter, I've had enough of talking about where we went wrong… There's plenty of time for that and we will, we will 'av to talk about it, I know that. But right now, can we just stay wrapped up in me silky sheets and enjoy the moment?" She looked up at him, her eyes twinkling in a way Peter knew they hadn't in a while.

"And how do you plan on enjoying the moment?" Peter smirked cheekily, not denying he too wanted to put off that dreaded conversation, not knowing where that would leave them. For now, he was happy to pretend they had never parted.

"I can think of a couple of ways darlin'…" Carla threw him a dirty smirk and giggled playfully as he rolled her over and lay above her, them both enjoying hours of complete ecstasy wrapped up in each other, a happiness that was from far more than simply making love.


	10. Chapter 10

_Your reviews are amazing, thank you all so much! Please keep them coming and please if you anyone has any ideas or anything, feel free to suggest! Xox_

_"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I'd realised what I had when you were mine, I go back to December all the time... Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming but if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right." _

Later that evening, Carla lay sleeping peacefully on Peters chest, her lashes fluttering softly on his skin as her body relaxed completely against his.

Peter stroked her hair tenderly, awake himself, unable to nap when he was trying to take in everything that had happened in the last few hours. She had had his devoted attention for hours, even when she'd drifted into a blissful sleep across his chest a short while ago, he was unable to tear his eyes away. His fingertips caressed her soft skin and a smile never left his lips.

"There's something wrong with the wiring in my head I think, baby." Peter spoke for himself, thinking out loud and not realising Carla was now half awake. She didn't alert him to the fact she was listening, intrigued.

"How could I hurt you? How could I ever hurt you." Carla tried not to flinch at the memory, "All the things that 'ave happened to me. The things that are meant to shock ya, make ya change, be a better person. They didn't work. I nearly died more than once. Lost custody of my son, been in prison for a murder I didn't do. Watched you nearly kill yourself.. I nearly lost ya. And I still didn't stop thinking about me. Me, me, bloody me." He sighed sadly at himself, "But I think having you, everyday... Waking up to you, loving you and then... not. You were gone and you hated me so much. I did that, I made that happen. But it's changed me baby. I'm not that person anymore, I swear. I ain't perfect, I'm far from perfect but I'm better. You make me better."

Peter still stroked her skin, kissing her hair occasionally, oblivious to Carla listening still, "I was a rubbish partner and an even worse husband. I know that now. At the time I didn't see it, couldn't see it. I treated you so badly, I don't know why you ever stuck by me for so long. The things I said..." he let his lips linger on her head, lovingly, "If you ever decide to give this another go, Car'.. If you take me back, I promise I will be the man you deserve. I'll treat ya like a queen, like you deserve. I'll always put you first and I'll always, always love you. I love you so much sweetheart, I always will."

Carla lay silently, listening to his every word, taking it all in and chewing on her lip as she thought.

"I love you too, Peter." Her voice was quiet and groggy from sleep but the honestly, the love, the joy were all there. Peter looked down at her, confused, "I love you too..." She whispered again, leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

* * *

Carla shook her head as she pulled on her jacket later that evening, leaning down and giving Peter a quick kiss, "I don't mind, honestly! I'm only going to the chippy, not Timbuk-flaming-tu!" She joked softly, ruffling his hair. "Aye I know love, but are you sure you don't want me to go?" Peter smiled lovingly up at her from the sofa, feeling so at ease in her flat already. "I told ya, I'll be fine. Besides, you really think I'd let you outta that door yet?" Carla joked softly, "See ya in a bit, lover boy." She quipped as she headed out, making her way to the chippy with a daft grin permanently attached to her lips.

She frowned softly as she saw a young boy kicking a football around outside, heading over to him quickly, carrying hers and Peter's chippy tea, "Si, that you?" She tilted her head as she got closer, realising it was indeed Peter's son. "Eh, it's late, shouldn't you be in bed or summit?" She frowned softly, obviously concerned about him, having grown fond of Simon over the last year.

Simon shrugged, sighing as he picked up his football, standing in front her her, "Mum's in the Bistro with Nick so I'm just waiting out here til she's done, you know what mums like once she starts." He moved his hand to show Carla he meant she was a chatterbox, making her laugh as she led him over to the steps of underworld, sitting beside her, "Are you back with me dad? Cos mum said she saw you together earlier.." Carla quickly interrupted, "No! No I am not, don't be so daft, Si." She shook her head softly, nudging him with her elbow, "Hey, anyway, I sat you here to question you, not the other way round!" She joked with a small smirk, making Simon laugh softly. She noted just how much of his dad was in him now, thinking she should warn the girls of Weatherfield to watch out at some point soon. "So why is me dad at yours then, if you're not together?"

Carla shook her head, "You don't give up, do ya?!" She mumbled as Simon laughed, shaking his head. "Well if you must know, kiddo, we're talking. That's all."

"Why? I thought you 'ated him?" Simon looked intrigued and it was that moment she realised Simon wasn't quite as grown up as he acted these days. "Oh I wish, Si, I wish." She sighed, "A lot went on with me and ya dad, we've got history I suppose." Carla spoke honestly, not knowing why Simon always managed to bring that side out of her. "I'm not gonna come and mess everything up again, Simon... If that's what ya wondering." She bit her lip, putting her arm around his shoulder and pulling him a bit closer to her for a minute as he protested at her comment, " I wasn't, I mean.."

"I wouldn't mind, y'know, if you and me dad did get back together.." Neither Carla or Simon looked at each other as he spoke, looking straight ahead. Carla chewed her bottom lip, nodding slightly, unable to stop her smile, "I'll keep that in mind, kiddo." She pushed him with her shoulder softly, "I'll keep that in mind."


	11. Chapter 11

_Hi everyone! Might seem a bit of a random chapter but just setting the scene for bigger things to come ;) Thanks for the reviews, as always! xo _

_"It's you, it's you, it's all for you, everything I do. I tell you all the time, heaven is a place on earth with you. Tell me all the things you wanna do. I heard that you like the bad girls honey, is that true? It's better than I ever even knew. They say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you, baby now you do."  
_

Carla stood outside the almost wreckage of what used to be Tracy and Rob's shop a few weeks later. She looked in a daze as she took it all in, a sadness filling her heart as she thought about the little brother she had found and lost in such quick succession.

Peter and Carla had grown closer in the last few weeks, spending time together but mostly as friends. Although neither of them could stop themselves tumbling into bed with each other every so often. Mostly though, Carla resisted. She allowed him back in as a friend and although they both knew the love they had for each other hadn't gone, Peter accepted that Carla wasn't ready to trust him completely, maybe she never would be. He was willing to take that risk.

Carla looked up with a deep sigh, fiddling with the keys in her hands as she still stood outside the shop. It hadn't come as much of a surprise to anyone that Tracy had smashed the shop to smithereens in a moment of anger, everything from the last few months catching up with her finally. When Peter had moved away he signed to bookies over to Tracy, although Carla hadn't known this at the time. He told her recently that he couldn't bare to have the connection to the street, to her, when he was so close and yet unable to return.

In the few days after Tracy's outburst, Carla had tried to talk to her, make her see sense and hand it back over but nothing had worked. She may have saved Carla's life once, but she wasn't about to make life easy for her by any means. Carla knew what that place meant to Peter but she was nervous to do anything about it, knowing it had been the cause of many an argument and upset between the two of them in the short relationship they had. She was selfish, but she wasn't that selfish and she felt like she owed it to Peter after pushing him over the edge again not so long ago.

She didn't tell him but that still ate her up inside. The guilt. She'd felt a lot of guilt in her time but his face that night had nearly destroyed her. She had to make it right and she hoped her grand gesture would help that.

She wasn't usually lucky person. In fact, she'd go as far as to say she'd had a pretty bad run of it so far. But on the day she'd walked in on Tracy and Tony in a compromising position, Carla figured luck was on her side for once. This was what she had needed, her leverage. With this, she had been able work out a way to get exactly what she wanted. Granted, it hadn't been easy and it also made a huge dent in her bank account but with Tony determined not to let Liz find out, there was nothing that they could do but sell up.

And that was how Carla came to be standing outside the place that used to be the bookies. The flat she'd once called home. She'd never felt right there, never felt she belonged, and that was before Peter had drunkenly told her so. But still, she had grown to be quite fond of at least a few of the memories those walls held. Unable to keep her secret any longer she headed into the Rovers where she knew Peter was waiting for her and still would be waiting, despite the fact she was at least half an hour late.

Without out speaking she slipped into the booth opposite him and put the keys on the table between them. Peter frowned softly, "What's that love? Keys to your ice cold heart?" He teased softly.

"Oh ha ha." She pulled a face before shaking her head, pushing the keys towards him. "No actually, Mr Barlow. These are the keys to the bookies. Well, actually they're the keys to that bloody mess of a shop at the minute but that is your problem mr, not mine!" She held her hands up as he frowned more. "Eh? Carla I don't understand?"

Carla sighed almost nervously, chewing her inside lip as she always did when she was nervous, "Look, that place were a part of you, Peter. And I know it were partly my fault you lost it. So this time, no stepping in, no trying to help out. In fact I don't even wanna hear about the damned place."

"Carla, what are you saying?"

"Oh for God sake, Peter! Do I need to spell it out?" She smiled though, playfully, "It's yours! Alright? The bookies is back where is belongs. Although, it's your mess now. You're gonna have to shift everything and get all new stuff back in. I don't want it to cause any tension between us, Peter, I mean it. I want nowt to do with it."

Peter didn't speak for the longest time, and for a brief few moments, Carla thought she'd done the wrong thing, jumped in too deep, done too much. But then she noticed the tears brimming in Peter's eyes, a few escaping before he could stop them. "You did this.. For me?"

Carla shrugged as though it were nothing, "Eh well, needed a reason for you not to run off again, didn't I" She joked softly, blushing at Peter's next words, "That reasons already in front of me."

Carla finished the mouthful of Peter's orange juice hhe had left, standing up, "I'll see you at mine in a bit, eh? Bit quieter." She kissed his cheek and walked off but not before turning back quickly, her hands on the bannister of the booth. "Oh Peter, one more thing." He looked up at her expectantly, smiling,

"I've called off the divorce."

And with that, she as gone, the only sign Peter had to remind him she had been there, however briefly, was the keys still on the rovers table and a small, red lip stick mark on his empty glass.


	12. Chapter 12

_Aint it funny how you think you're gonna be okay til you remember things ain't ever gonna be the same again. Ain't it funny how you think you've got your whole life planned just to find out it was never ever in your hands._

Peter wasn't sure he'd heard right but Carla's words rung in his ears and for a moment he was scared his heart would explode with happiness. He couldn't believe she'd really done it. It wasn't even something they'd talked about but with Carla saying she wanted to stick to friendship for now, Peter simply assumed they'd let it continue and sort that when they got that far. The fact Carla had made the massive step to stop the process made everything seem hopeful. Scary, but hopeful.

The last few weeks had been blissful. Peter had been careful to let Carla have full control, everything on her terms. Mostly. He loved being with her, doing nothing with her except talking and laughing, like they had before life took over. Carla had been adamant that no one else knew what was going in between them, although to be fair, neither of them had talked about that much either. But he did as she asked, whisking her away from Manchester regularly for meals and or long walks. He wooed her. Like he'd always wanted to. Every time he saw her again he realised that these were the best days of his life.

Peter quickly made his way over to Carla's flat, the evening upon them and the street quiet. He squeezed past someone as they left the building and run up the stairs, excited to see her properly. Peter frowned softly when Carla's front door was slightly ajar but figured she'd opened it for him after he text to say he would be five minutes. With a soft smile he made his way in, calling her name as he did.

However, something stopped Peter is his tracks immediately and he froze, stuck to the spot. He could feel the sick rise in his stomach, a small layer of sweat forming across his body.

Carla's flat was a wreck. Her home had been upturned, mess everywhere. He'd never seen such a state and his heart beat so fast it hurt. Things were thrown around, pictures smashed, ornaments scattered across the floor, everything suggesting a horrendous struggle. Peter could see the kitchen from where he was, plates broken, half a bottle of wine split across the floor.

Silently, he made his way into the bedroom upon receiving no answer from Carla when he repeatedly called her name. He squeezed his eyes closed as he pushed the ajar door open, scared what he would find but equally scared what he wouldn't find. The room was unscathed, untouched. It seemed as though what ever misery had overtaken Carla this time, it hadn't made it as far as the bedroom. Peter took that as a good sign. Right now, he'd take anything he could as a good sign.

He swallowed back as he picked up a smashed picture that had fallen into Carla's abandoned handbag on the floor, her phone visible and flashing with a message Peter assumed would be his. He turned the picture over, his heart aching as he found the frame he had brought her after their wedding, a beautiful picture of Carla in her dress and Peter in his suit, her grinning her dirty smile at the camera and his eyes firmly on her. Despite what happened that night, the look of love he gave her in that moment had never been more heartfelt.

Placing the picture down and rubbing his eyes, Peter quickly pulled out his phone and dialled 999, almost unable to talk due to shock and fear.

That was when he noticed it. In the corner of his eye, right by the sofa.

Blood.

_DUN DUN DUN. Haha. Don't worry, this story isn't going to turn into a massively dramatic one. Just a little plot twist. Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming as always! (And to the person that asked whether Peter had signed the bookies over in corrie, I have no idea, I had to make it up as I couldn't remember :')) Big love _


	13. Chapter 13

_Thanks so much for the reviews as always!_

_"But I want to know why today got so much colder and I want to know when the storm clouds will be over."_

The man cursed as he rubbed his face, shaking his head in annoyance. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it wasn't meant to end in that way. Straight in and out, that was all he'd wanted. He just wanted to talk. He kicked the wall near where Carla sat, making her squirm nervously, her face red raw with tears and anger. He had told her, told her to listen and it would be fine, she would be fine. He'd never hurt her, not intentionally. But she didn't, she never fucking did. And now here they were, in a mess.

"You can't keep me here! What the hell is this? How are you even here. You can't be here, it's not.. its not possible!" She wiped her face as she shouted, dry blood on her face from where she had fallen. He hadnt meant to hurt her but in the struggle she'd tripped, cut ber head on the glass of a smashed photo. She had begged him to take her to hospital, after the last head injury had left her in tatters this could be worsr than it looked. He was having none of it. He couldn't risk it.

She was feisty as ever. He thought she would be that way til she took her dying breath. In fact, he knew it. He watched her, stepping closer and she flinched. She was scared of him, terrified even. She'd never looked scared of him before. Except... apart from after.. He stopped himself. That hadn't been his fault, he wasn't in the right frame of mind back then. He was scared, he was losing everything and she was making it worse.

It was her fault. It was always ber fault. But he loved her, endlessly. He had always loved her. And despite his fury at her, he wanted her safe. Safe and protected. And he would do anything to make that happen. Including this.

* * *

Peter sank down onto the single bed in the tiny box room in his father's house. He felt like he had exhausted every option, looking everywhere for two days straight in a desperate attempt to find her. He'd never felt so lost and helpless.

He had spent a while consoling Carla's best friend as she sobbed in the back room of the Rovers before she had turned on him the same as everyone else. She had asked him why his arrival had meant more heart ache for Carla, did he know where she was? Had he hurt her in fury? Everyone was watching him, questioning him, suspecting him. It hurt almost as much as Carla's disappearance. Almost, but not quite.

Peter had resorted in the end to leaving messages on her phone, the one he knew she didn't have as it was currently being held in the police station for evidence. Evidence of what, Peter wasn't sure he wanted to know. He called her whenever he could, just to hear her voice at the end of a voice mail. He pleaded with her to come home, told her how much he loved her, sometimes he just cried, no words said. His heart was more broken than it had ever been.

He lay back on the bed, cuddling the photo of Carla he had taken to prison with him against his chest, unable to let it go.

He cried himself to sleep that night.

* * *

Carla sat against the wall in silence, crying quietly to herself. She didn't know why she was here, she didn't know what was happening, but she knew she was scared. She just wanted to be at home, curled up on her sofa with a glass of wine and the TV.

No, she wanted to be curled up with Peter, in his arms, hearing him say everything she needed to hear, longed to hear. She'd do anything for that.

She loved him. And she loved the baby she was carrying.

His baby.

The one he knew nothing about yet.

The one he might never know about.


	14. Chapter 14

_Thank you so much for your generous reviews! They mean so much xo _

_"Oh, but I know you care, I know it has always been there. But there is trouble ahead, I can feel it, you are just saving yourself when you hide it. Yeah, I know you care, I see it in the way you stare, as if there was trouble ahead and you knew it, I'll be saving myself in the ruin."_

Peter picked his head up from the table, sighing angrily, "How many times do I have to tell you, Carla and I had put everything behind us, we were friends!" Peter had been asked back into questioning for the second time, although this time he wasn't so sure they were on his side. It was three days since he'd gone looking for Carla and found her flat a mess, her no where to be seen. He'd barely slept in days, the world seemed an emptier place and he had never felt so hopeless. He avoided the drink, somehow, determined to be strong when he found her, be the person he knew she would need.

"You've been in this seat a few times before haven't you, Mr Barlow?" The detective watched him.

"Wrongly accused, I might add. What's that got to do with anything anyway? You should be out there looking for her!"

"We're doing all we can, Mr Barlow. Now, tell me again about Ms Connor buying you back your business?"

Peter sighed, rubbing his face, exhausted. "I don't get what this has to do with anything. Carla brought back the Bookies off my sister, Tracy. She knew how much it meant to me, she wanted to do something to help."

"So Ms Connor and you were getting quite close again, you'd say?" The detective showed no emotion on his face, sipping his tea as he watched, analysing. Before Peter answered he spoke again, "See what doesn't make sense to me Mr Barlow, is that we've spoke to Miss Barlow and she says she has idea what you're talking about."

Peter frowned, sitting forward, "That can't be right.. Carla gave me the keys, she said it was all done. You must have got it wrong. Can't you check her bank or summit?"

The detective nodded, "We've done that Mr Barlow. No money was transferred from ms Connors to ms Barlows account. And the keys you supplied us, they don't fit the doors to the shop. So something isn't quite right here, sir. And I think you should start telling us what you really know about Ms Connor whereabouts."

"It's Barlow! Carla Barlow." Peter shook his head in disbelief, completely confused. "look you've got it wrong, Tracy must be confused or something I don't know but you've got your worse crossed, you must have."

"Something else that doesn't add up." The detective continued, ignoring Peter, "you say ms Connor... sorry, Mrs Barlow, stopped divorce proceedings, and her solicitor has confirmed this. However, when we spoke to them they were very confused. You see, Mrs Barlow, Carla, was a business woman, she always did things by phone, so I'm told. And yet she emailed her solicitor regarding this matter which struck them as unusual. Do you have the passwords for your wife's laptop, Mr Barlow?"

The police questioned Peter for hours more, asking him in detail about his previous relationship with Carla and the one they shared since his return. Why did no one else know how close they were? Why did the things Peter were saying not add up, and most importantly, where was Carla? He couldn't answer their questions. His mind was a mess of complicated things he didn't understand.

Eventually they told him he was free to go and Peter stood up slowly, his body exhausted and drained. He stood up to leave quickly, desperate to get back to looking for Carla but before he did, something stopped him, made him ask a question,

"Have any of your lot questioned Rob Donovan, her brother? I mean he's inside he probably has no idea but he might know someone with a grudge. Surely it's worth trying?"

He picked up his jacket, rubbing his face, confused at the look the detective gave him, he couldn't comprehend what was said next.

"Mr Barlow, Rob Donovan was released over a week ago..."

* * *

"What is this Rob, eh? Some sort of revenge for me sending you down? Revenge cos you murdered an innocent young girl and you got caught?" Carla spat angrily, her mind in overdrive after three days away, needing to get out.

Rob span around, shaking his head, "Innocent, Tina weren't innocent!" Carla flinched at her name, "That girl ruined your life, Carla!"

"She didn't deserve to die though, did she? She didn't deserve to die!" Carla didn't bother to hide her tears, "Do I deserve to die too Rob? Is that what this is, is that your grand plan for revenge, eh? Please, I've 'ad worse." She quipped, shaking her head and slowly standing up, her body tired and fragile now.

"This isn't revenge, this is making you see sense! You went back with him Carla. He destroyed everything and you forgave him!" Rob lost his temper, shaking his head in a fury as he stepped towards her.

"And the penny drops. Now it all makes sense, eh Rob. What you manage to con a copper into helping you destroy evidence, you get out and see Peter all hunky dory and you think 'hey I know what I'll do kidnap my big sister and end up back inside in a week!' You flaming idiot, Rob!" She pushed his chest but he grabbed both her wrists, pushing her away again, into the wall.

Carla laughed, softly, hiding her fear "Ooh, now I'm seeing my real baby brother. Is this how Tina made ya feel is it? What was the plan eh Rob? I'm assuming you're gonna set Peter up for this like you tried to for ya last murder? Eh? What did you think, frame him for murder but this time get rid of sis in case she figures me out again? How are you gonna get rid of my body? In a lake? Bottom of a ditch?"

She watched him, her eyes not leaving him as she stopped closer to him, away from the wall, "How would you have felt then, eh Rob? No mum, no dad, no sister. Last Donovan standing. Would you have felt like the big man? The big I am? Let me have a few last words eh baby bro? For old times sake. How would you feel, little brother, when they found my body. Come on, Rob! Humor me! When Peter had to formally identify his wife, when they told him his murdered wife was pregnant with his child. Would you feel good? Knowing you'd killed a baby as well as your sister?"

Rob stood almost opened mouthed at the revelation, shocked, afraid. His big sister, pregnant? How hadn't he realised, how had he caused such a mess.

"I'm pregnant, Rob. Are you gonna kill my baby an all?"


	15. Chapter 15

_Your reviews are amazing, thank you all so much! I wrote something a little random and different, feel free to check it out if you like! It's Carla and Peter, of course - **Never Not Thinking of You**. Thanks again!_

_**"Can I lay by your side? Next to you. And make sure you're alright, I'll take care of you. I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight.**"_

Carla stood in front of him, the silence lingering between them. Rob hadn't spoken since Carla's revelation. They stood, awkwardly, nervously, neither moving, neither knowing what to say.

"How can you have been so stupid?"

His words stung her. She knew it was careless, she knew it was reckless. But Carla was struggling to feel regret about something that had filled a void within her so painful, so engrained that it haunted her every moment.

"You did this on purpose didn't ya.. It's not the same baby, Carla. It's not a replacement."

His face stung as her hand collided with his cheek. He'd never seen the look of anger so powerful as the one she was giving him now. "You bastard. You unimaginable bastard." Her words were harsh but she meant every grain of anger she portrayed. "That was my baby, my little girl. You think I could ever replace that? You think I don't know she's never coming back? She took the easy route out, Rob. I'd have done the same if I was 'er. Who'd want a mother like me, eh? That's what you're thinking, innit. I loved her! I loved her, Rob." Carla's brimming tears escaped her pained eyes and tumbled down her cheek. She was crying, she was sobbing, painful, desperate, aching tears. The sounds she made tore at her little brothers insides and before she could stop him, he pulled her against his chest, cradling her like she had done to him so very many times before.

"I couldn't protect her, Rob. I tried so hard but I messed it up. I mess everything up. Look at us, look at you!" Carla cried against his chest, surprisingly grateful for her brothers comfort. He stroked her hair softly, kissing her head and not speaking, not knowing how he could possibly fix anything.

* * *

A while later and they sat side by side, not touching but close enough. They leaned against the cold wall of the warehouse they were holed up in, a place Carla had recognised as where Rob had hidden her stolen factory silk, a bitter feeling deep within her the moment she realised.

"I want Peter. I want to get out of here and go home." Carla broke the silence eventually, not looking across at him. She sat with her arms cuddling her knees to her chest in a desperate attempt to comfort herself.

She heard Rob scoff beside her, his hatred for Peter so strong. "Does he know?"

Carla almost laughed but the lump in her throat stopped her, "Know what? That I'm pregnant, or I was. I've barely survived this, what's the chances of a barely-there baby surviving it an all." She shook her head after a minute, "No, he doesn't know."

Rob didn't say anything, Carla's next words getting there before him, "I'll never forgive you if I lose this baby too, Rob. I swear to god, I'll make your life living hell, you'll wish you were still inside." The look on her face told him she meant it too.

"Look Carla, I was never gonna hurt you. You've gotta believe that. I didn't know about... The baby. I saw you two all cosy and I wanted him to pay. When I got back in touch with Tracy and she told you were buying him the bookies and I set him up. Made her give you fake keys and wait to cash in the cheque. Stupid cow would've done anything I asked. All the evidence to your disappearance points to him. I just wanted to scare him, Carla." He sighed, "I thought if I could get you alone for a while I could make you see sense, make you realise what a mess you were making of everything again."

Carla shook her head in disbelief, not being able to take it in, "He'll be looking for me, y'know. I know he will. The police won't have solid evidence to hold him. He'll be looking for me."

"He doesn't love you , Carla. He just wants back in your bed. He got that alright, didn't he." Rob's laugh infuriated Carla more, "Who I let in my bed has nothing to do with you Rob. You lost the right to care when you dragged me out of my flat and locked me up. You're just like the rest of 'em. Saying you care, saying you love me and then hurting me. Tony loved me when he tried to burn me alive, Frank loved me when he raped me. I suppose you love me too, eh?"

"Shut up, Carla, just shut up!" Rob's shouts interrupted her, scared her, making her flinch as he jumped up, kicking the box of food he had brought.

Then, both of them froze. Rob stood deadly still and Carla cuddled her knees in against herself even tighter. The shutters of the warehouse banged louder and muffled voices could be heard from the other side. "Rob, I know you've got her in there, I'm with Tracy. Let me in or I swear I'll phone the police. ROB!"

Carla's heart stopped at Peter's voice, she tried to stand but Rob put his hand up, whispering, "Stay there, Carla. Don't move. I'm not going back to prison, I won't"

Before Rob had a chance to decide his next move, Peter had broken down the old, knackered shutters and thrown him in a fury against the wall. He was stronger now, he wasn't a tired old man now he had quit the booze and he was ready to fight as much as he had to. "Where is she, Rob? If you've hurt a hair on her head I swear to god, I won't be needing a blunt object to kill you with, I'll do it with my bare hands. Where is she?!"

Carla's voice calling his name stopped him dead. As he turned to look, time seemed to stop still.

**_PS I know his release is slightly unrealistic but I wanted Rob involved in this story and a chance to explore different relationships so I've stretched reality slightly haha._**


	16. Chapter 16

_Thank you as always for reading and reviewing! You're all the best xo_

**_"There's a place that I know. It's not pretty there and few have ever gone. If I show it to you now, will it make you run away? Or will you stay, even if it hurts, even if I try to push you out will you return?"_**

Carla stood by the door of her bedroom for a long while that night, inwardly fighting with herself. Eventually, she left the light on and climbed into the comfort of her bed. The dark had always been a welcome friend but tonight it felt more like a fearsome enemy.

The flat looked as though nothing had happened, but it didn't feel like home. Then again, it never had. It didn't have memories within the walls that filled her with a multitude of emotions. The walls didn't sing to her with years of laughter laced with fights and anger and heartache. She couldn't hear Pauls grunts to pass him a cold beer when she opened the door. The buzzer never rang with Liam at the other end, leaving Carla with butterflies in every part of her body. There weren't even marks on the walls where plates had been thrown or glasses smashed in anger.

She missed it. The grief, the pain she had experienced in her old flat. That's the thing about grief, it has a way of fading. You hardly even notice it. One day you think you'll never breathe again but then slowly you learn to live. You almost forget you're missing something and then when you remember it hits you like a tonne of bricks. But then it's not just grief, it's guilt too. Guilt at forgetting, guilt for smiling, for being happy. How can she be happy without them?

The grief made her feel less alone. It reminded her on the darkest days that somebody had loved her once. Twice over. They had loved her enough that their absence took a part of her with them, that once upon a time she had fight in her very being. So she held onto that grief, she kept it close because to feel pain was better than to feel numb. She was different back then, fiery and in control. She wasn't sure even they would love her any more. She had let them down, and now she was letting Peter down too.

She'd pushed him away. Almost as soon as she got home, she asked him to leave. He'd insisted on staying to tidy the place, even suggested he slept on the sofa so she wouldn't feel alone but she had shouted and her sharp tongue sent him packing. Even after how cruelly she spoke to him, he'd sent her a goodnight text and told her he was just a call away. It broke her heart.

_"Please Peter you can go now, I'm fine." She watched as he cleared the remainder of the mess up, "I can stay, I don't mind sleeping on the couch, I don't think you should be alone." The way he cared about her almost knocked her barriers straight back down again._

_"Please, just go home Peter." She sounded as though she had no fight left and he wished she'd let him cradle her like he had done when he found her, however briefly. "Just go! Don't you get it, I don't want you here. I don't want you. You're not what I want right now. He took me because of you y'know. To get at you. Why do I always get the brunt of everyone else's shit." She banged her hand against the door in anger, "I wish I'd been in the front of that car when Paul died all them years ago. I wish he'd taken me with him." She slammed the door of her bedroom shut and realised as she did she'd never said that aloud. Maybee she hadn't realised just how true that was until now._

Carla pulled the duvet around her neck, letting it swallow her up. She didn't want to be alone, her thoughts were tangled with fears and worries and yet she wouldn't let herself go to Peter. She wouldn't give in to her ache. Her hand found her way to her tummy, stroking the skin softly, instinctively. Squeezing her eyes shut she tried to imagine her like nine months from now. Would she be a mum? Was she really cut out for that? Would Peter stay, would he love her and their baby? More than that, would she love their baby?

She shut out her thoughts and curled up closer but her hand never left her non existent bump. She tried to imagine Peter holding her, imagine his arm draped her her tired frame, the sound of his heart lulling her to sleep. She never was very good at pretending.

What scared her the most wasn't what might be lurking in the shadows or who might be waiting to torment her next. What scared her so intensely was how empty she felt inside. Her skin felt hollow, pointless.

She felt alone.

If she had lost this baby too, how would she ever smile again? How could she live when living meant to feel and all she would feel was numb.

Tomorrow she would find out and tomorrow she would go back to him. Maybe Peter could tape her pieces back together.


	17. Chapter 17

_I can't seem to stop writing! I have so many ideas buzzing around my head that they just keep coming haha. Out of interest, is anybody still interested in the Carla and Liam pairing? Thinking of starting a story around them. Thanks as always, you have no idea how much your reviews make my day! _

_**We're so close to reaching that famous happy ending. Almost believing this ones not pretend and now you're beside me and look how far we've come up. So far, we are so close. **_

Carla was sure she could feel the walls closing in on her, closing her in, trapping her. Every time her eyes blink she feels as though the doctor's room encases her further, getting smaller with every heart beat. She could hardly breathe. It was as though she were underwater, the doctors voice was muffled as if he were far away and she couldn't quite reach him, couldn't come up for air.

She didn't want to hear him. She knew what he was going to say.

She should have always known, luck simply escapes her. Why would this time be any different? Suddenly she's back on the street, collapsed on the floor in a heap of unimaginable pain. Not physically, although that hurt too. She knew in that moment her baby was gone. The first child she had ever carried, she assumed her last. She's in hospital and someone's speaking but she is not listening. _"We're very sorry Mrs Barlow, we just couldn't save her." _

Her. She had been carrying a baby girl. Her heart had never been the same since Paul and especially not since Liam and then Peter came along and ruined her even further. How is it possible for something that is already broken to shatter to smithereens?

Carla is brought back to reality. The Doctor's words spin around the room that is suddenly hot and sticky, clinging to her skin. She still can't breathe. Had someone closed a window in there? Why was there no damned aircon? She needed out. She grabs her coat and bag, fumbling as she hurries to stand, rushing away from the truth. She hadn't even realised the tears tumbling down her face. The first face she sees as she leaves the building is Rob's and feels like she could kill him with her bare hands for putting her through this. She wonders how he would feel if he knew.

Wiping her face in a hurry, she wraps her coat around her further and heads in the opposite direction. Straight into Peter.

Shuffling her feet nervously she looks up at him, pulling her bag back onto her shoulder. "Carla? I went to the flat love, thought you were ignoring me." He isn't tall but without her heels he is taller than her just, and she looks so small and delicate he feels as though he towers above her.

"Sorry, I mean, sorry for last night. Couldn't rest so I went for a walk." He knows she is lying. She knows it too.

"I saw you leaving the medical centre.. Everything okay?" Peter's words don't say as much as his tone. He's worried for her, terrified even. He just wants her to let him in. He doesn't deserve it, but god he needs it.

Carla nods, tapping her foot against the pavement. "Just thought I'd get checked out y'know, after everything." She doesn't look at him but he doesn't look away from her. He simply nods, not wanting to push any further.

"Everything's okay, Peter." She says it with slightly more conviction this time. Who is she trying to kid? Peter, or herself?

It is? Would anything ever be okay again?

"Do you mind if I come back to yours?" He's almost whispering now, his finger under her chin to make her look him in the eyes finally and she nods. No words are spoken but a mutual understanding is left between them. She needs something, and he wants to be that person again.

* * *

Peter handed her a steaming hot coffee a small while later as Carla sits on her sofa, staring into space. "Finally worked that coffee machine of yours out. Fancy cow." He half chuckles and she looks up at him as though she only just noticed he was there. He's seen her in many a bad place before but something doesn't fit right with him this time. Something is out of place.

"Peter.. I'm so sorry.." He shakes his head and sits beside her, pulling her against his chest. "You don't have to apologise for last night love, it's forgotten." He has no idea what she is really apologising for. No idea what's tormenting her.

And she doesn't tell him. She just lets him hold her. Because what else can she do?

Eventually Peter ends up laying across her sofa as she rests on top of him, not asleep but not really concious either. They've barely spoken but he has so much to ask. He doesn't even know if she would have the answers. He wants to know what Rob's impossible release means for them. How had be managed to make evidence disappear as Tracy suggested he had. Had he hurt her, was he going to stay around? Nothing made sense any more. And yet Carla wouldn't speak. Other than to beg him to stay and hold her and he felt as though he was back to the time before they were together, giving her his time whenever he could spare it. He wished she'd open up but then again, Peter wished for a lot of things. Most of them because of how he had messed up things of his own accord. He didn't realise it was possible to feel such self loathe.

From the table Carla's phone buzzes and Peter kisses her head softly, "Want me to look at that for ya?" She nods, slightly and he reaches across, still holding her against him. He tries to convince himself he is holding her so tightly for own comfort but truth is, he's petrified to lose her again.

"It's Rob.." Peter whispers, a lump of anger in his throat before he has even read the text.

"Rob? What the hell does he want?"

Peter clicks on the text, looking at Carla before back down at the phone.

"He says.." Peter's heart stops.

"He says he's sorry you lost the baby."


	18. Chapter 18

_Couldn't resist posting this one today as well. Enjoy and as always, thank you!_

_**"You might be left with my hair but you'll have your mothers eyes.  
**__**I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can and now you're a scan on my unmade plans, a small bump.  
**__**Cos you are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight and you'll be alright.  
**__**You're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin, with a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin."**_

Silence.

The room was eerily quiet since Rob's bombshell. Carla stood now, pacing back and forward across the flat, words escaping her. Peter sat, staring into space, unable to complete a coherent sentence. His mind was in overdrive as he pieced everything together. How could she keep this from him? Was it even true. His body ached, his heart hurt, sick rose in his stomach. He couldn't.. He couldn't move.

"Carla-"

"Don't Peter." She sounded angry, infuriated. He couldn't understand.

"No, you don't Carla! What the hell is going on?" Carla wasn't expecting him to shout. It frightened her but only slightly. She shrugged as she finally looked at him, his eyes destroying her. This wasn't fair. The choice had been taken from her, she wasn't ready. She couldn't face the consequences.

"I dunno, Peter. We talked a lot, maybe he's just feeling guilty about what happened before. Ask him! I don't want to talk about this." She turned away again, she couldn't bare to look at him. Carla cuddled her arms around herself protectively as she looked out of her window, anywhere but at him.

"I don't believe you. I know you Carla, I know you better than anyone. Please, I need to know. Were.. Were you pregnant when this happened?"

She squeezed her eyes shut and eventually gave the tiniest nod. Swallowing back and blinking away tears. She couldn't keep it to herself any longer. The last week had been one of the most confusing thing she had ever experienced. Her emotions were everywhere and now she didn't know how she was meant to feel any more. The sound Peter made could have killed her there and then. He sounded as though the air had been taken from his lungs, as though he could fall to the floor and crumble into nothingness. He was standing now, he wasn't sure if he could take his own weight at the revelation.

"Peter no... Peter." She turned to him now, shaking her head, tears across her cheeks, "I didn't lose it. I didn't, I... I'm still pregnant."

* * *

Peter sat on the sofa again a brief while later and Carla perched on the arm, fiddling with her sleeves. She wanted to feel happy. relieved. She was, in a way. She couldn't fathom the fact this baby was still growing inside her. It terrified her. What if she messed it up again? Would Peter stay with her this time or would this push them both over the edge.

"How long have you known?" Peter broken the silence, his voice more composed than it had been moments ago.

"A couple of days before all this happened. I didn't have a chance to process it, I-" She sighed, running a hand through her hair, chewing her lip nervously as she looked to him. "So why did Rob send that text?" He looked up at her too, finally.

"I don't know Peter.. I saw him when I left the medical centre, I was crying, I don't know, maybe he just assumed." Peter didn't respond and turned away, trying to understand.

"Say something? Tell me what you're thinking. Don't sugar coat it, Peter. I want to know what you're really thinking. I'm a big girl.."

Silence engulfed them and Carla didn't think she could bare another second of it. His lack of words spoke volumes to her. She hadn't always believed it but she knew Peter was a good man, he didn't want to leave her after what had just happened, single and pregnant with a baby she was terrified her past would stop her loving. She moved to stand up, unable to stand the tension any more but as she glanced across at Peter she saw tears in his eyes.

"I can't believe I've got a second chance." He was standing up now, in front of her, holding her hands. "I won't mess it up this time baby, I promise."

Carla's eyes almost widened as she looked to him, "You're not angry?" Her voice shook as she spoke.

"Angry? Sweetheart, why would I be angry? I'm over the flammin' moon! We've got another chance to make it right, I've got another chance."

Carla almost gasped as she fell against his chest, feeling as though the weight of the last few days had left her, however briefly. Breathing in Peter's scent, she let him comfort her, relieved she had finally shared her secret, amazed at the outcome.

"Are you happy?" Peter whispered after a few moments of quiet, still standing together and now holding her against his chest closer, kissing the top of her hair delicately.

"I want to be.." She looked at him, swallowing back, a bundle of nerves, "Peter I'm terrified." She let him lead her back to the sofa and watched as he crouched down in front of her, on his knees, holding her hands still. He simply looked at her, silently telling her he would listen to all she had to say.

"Driving home from the hospital, after we lost her..." Peter looked confused but let her speak, "Rob had the radio on and that song came on. Y'know, the Coldplay one." Carla didn't look up him, anywhere but at him, as always. She started to half sing, her voice shaking with raw pain, "when you lose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste.." She half laughed bitterly at how she must seem, a mess, "could it be worse?" Choking back a sob, Carla looked up at Peter as his hands cupped her cheeks, the pads of his thumbs stroking softly, "Am I bad person for wanting this baby Peter? Is that what I'm doing? Am I trying to replace her?"

"Oh love.." He wasn't sure what else to say but suddenly he understood every fear she was explaining. He understood why she had reacted this way to the news, why she hadn't jumped for joy as he had. Guilt. With Carla, it was always guilt.

"Sweetheart-" he tucked her hair behind her ears, "We aren't replacing our little girl. We never could, could we?" He gave a reassuring smile as Carla shook her head, sniffling, "This is our fresh start, a chance to right our wrongs. Well, my wrongs. It's gonna be a long fight ahead, Carla but whatever mistakes me make, this baby will not be one of them. We'll make their big sister proud, eh?"

Carla nodded, her voice filled with sobs she was trying to contain, "So I'm allowed to be 'appy? I'm allowed to love my baby?" The sobs didn't stay concealed for long as she cried out through her words, desperate for reassurance that she wasn't a bad person, she was allowed to fix herself. Peter pulled her against him, his hands running though her hair, "You're allowed to love this baby as much as you were allowed to love our little girl." He confirmed, "Something tells me there's not a force on this earth that would stop you loving it anyway, baby." He smiled knowingly.

And she laughed.

She laughed through her tears and nodded. She laughed more as Peter scooped her up in his arms and stood up, holding her as her legs wrapped around his waist.

But she laughed with a light that reached her eyes, throwing her head back in a tearful giggle as he whispered in her ear, "Come on mummy, I'm taking you to bed."

He carried her though, shutting the bedroom door behind him, protection for the three of them against the world.


	19. Chapter 19

_So glad you're all enjoying the story, lots more twists and turns to come but lots of happiness too. Much more to come for as long as you're all interested. Thank you all! xoxox_

_**Should this be the last thing I see, I want you to know it's enough for me; because all that you are is all that I'll ever need. I'm so in love, so in love, so in love, love, love. **_

Peter lay slightly lower down the bed than Carla now, laying on his side with his head resting on his hand. Carla lay on her back beside him, chuckling as he made her lay in just her leggings and a bra, wanting to touch her belly. "What do you think it is?" He asked softly, his fingers circling patterns on her completely flat stomach, memorised by the thought of what lay beneath.

"Well I were kinda hoping for a baby to be honest but you know it could be a-" Carla was cut short by a tap around the head and she threw her lover a cheeky grin before shrugging, looking down at her tummy again. "I haven't a clue, 'aven't had much time to give it a thought really." She smiled though, feeling content in their blissful bubble away from the nightmare their lives usually were. Peter nodded, placing a tender kiss on her bare skin before looking up and kissing her nose too. "Well whatever it is, that's a little piece of you and me in there, sweetheart."

Carla nodded, taking a deep breath, "Wow." She placed her hand on top of Peter's, smiling across at him. "Can we keep it between us for now? I mean 'Chelle will probably guess but.. Well it's all a bit up in their air at the minute, in't it? We've not even been back together for.. We'll I guess we never were back together were we. I just want to wait a few weeks and get everything settle before y'know.. Facing the world."

Peter could see the look of relief on her face when he nodded in agreement, "Course love, whatever you thinks best. We'll play it your way." He stroked her cheek softly before biting his lip, "What? What is it?" Carla watched him, concerned, picking up on any change in atmosphere.

"You said before all this, before Rob, you said you'd stopped the divorce." Carla nodded, still watching him, "Yeah?"

"Does that mean I get to call you my wife again?" The cheeky but nervous grin on his face melted her heart. "You daft sod!" She laughed but nodded, "I guess it does, Barlow. But I swear to god, Peter. If there's any funny business this time you'll see what that nut cracker in my kitchen is really meant for." Her tone was joking but they both knew the underlying seriousness to their conversation. This was it, their last chance. No more messing up. Without saying a word, Peter reached into the pocket of his jeans that lay on the floor and pulled out his wallet. Inside, tucked away safely next to a smiling picture of Carla and one of Simon, was his wedding band and with a grin, he slipped it back on.

Carla giggled softly, climbing up and rummaging in her jewellery box. Turning back to him, she placed on both her engagement and wedding ring, grinning down at Peter as she climbed up beside him again. Her mood reminded him of the first morning they had spent together, properly, completely absorbed in each other as she walked around in her dressing gown and a huge smile. He thought in that moment that he would do anything to never see an ounce of pain in those eyes again.

"So Mrs Barlow, how would you like to spend our first wedded afternoon?" Peter teased softly, leaning above her now. She grinned back playfully, "Eh, cheeky!" She smirked though, shrugging, "I'm quite content just being held by my husband, if you 'aven't got to rush off anywhere?" She ran her hands along his arms happily as he nodded. "There is no where else on the world I would rather be."

He had never meant anything more.

* * *

Carla lay with her head on Peter's chest now, cocooned in their own little world. She loves him. She loves the way his warm brown eyes seem to swallow her up every time he glances her way. She loves how his arms around her make all her troubles fall away. She hates the hold he has over, she hates how everything is in his hands because she is so completely powerless to his charm. She hates that she would take a bullet for him, even though he had appeared determined to be the one holding the gun. He was under her skin the way only one other person had ever been and she hates herself for finding comparisons to him and to her Liam. She hates him, but god, she loves him.

She notices her fingers are absent-mindedly touching her stomach and she finds herself smiling, catching Peter's attention.

"Well there a sight for sore eyes." he smiles softly down at her, one hand behind his head and the other keeping her so close to him.

Carla smiled more, coyly biting her lip as she looked up at him, "Just can't believe this is all happening, y'know?" She spoke honestly up at him and Peter nodded, "Me neither love." Gently pushing her hair from her face and placing a soft kiss to her lips, he kept his eyes right on hers, "Carla, do we need to talk?" Pain and regret were evident in his eyes as they always were at the mention or thought of the last year.

She shook her head quickly, "No. Yes? Oh I don't know Peter." She sighed softly, her tongue on the inside on her cheek as she thought, "You messed up, massively. One huge mess you caused there, Barlow." She spoke bluntly but not harshly, knowing brutal honesty was what they both needed but that didn't stop her heart aching when his face dropped nevertheless. "But what happened after, it weren't your fault. Sleeping with Tina were a pretty stupid idea mind you, but you're a bloke and I've got eyes as well you know. I'm not stupid, I know she were half me age and a damn sight better lookin' an all but-"

Peter shook his head, "Carla you've said some pretty stupid things in your time but that has to be one of the worst." Carla threw him a confused look, her eyebrows furrowing as she waited for him to continue. "If you seriously believe I slept with Tina because I was more attracted to her than you, you're more messed up in the head than people round here give you credit for love." She pursed her lips at his joke, trying not to smile, the compliment making her body tingle.

"I slept with her because it were one huge ego boost. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm good at self destructing Carla, you know that. Live in the moment and not thinking of the future when really that's all I should be thinking about."

Carla didn't say anything for a minute before nodding, "I can forgive you for that. God, the amount of affairs I've had, 'ow could I not. I just... Our wedding night. Why then Peter? Was it because I was drunk, did I push you to her? I just wanted to be enough, just for one night." Tears swelled in her eyes but she blinked them back, telling herself she had cried enough over these thoughts.

"Oh god, no! Don't, don't blame yourself, God Carla don't ever do that. I'm sorry, you are enough, you were. I can't excuse what I did, and I'm such an idiot. I hate myself everyday for it." Carla shook her head with sigh at Peter's words, her finger tracing patterns along his chest, "I don't hate ya. I wanted to, more than anything. I hated meself for being so weak and still wanting you after everything. But now, I just want to forget it ever happened, okay? No more thinking over the past. Besides, between you and me, daddy Barlow, I think we've got a pretty big future ahead of us, don't you?" The thought of their baby made her heart jump. The fears hadn't gone but for now at least, she was ecstatic.

Peter was about to speak but before he could, the buzzer of Carla's flat rang and they both groaned. "Ignore it baby." Peter pulled her on top of him, "Ignore it." He whispered, placing kisses to her lips. She mumbled, pouting down at him and kissing back, "Baby I 'ave to get it, I'll make 'em leave, promise." She kissed him again and clambered up before he could stop her, slightly flustered from their kisses.

Picking up the phone to the buzzer and placing it to her ear she quickly answered the relentless buzzing, "'Ello?"

"Carla it's me. I need to talk to you now, it's urgent."


	20. Chapter 20

_I'm not sure where this came from hah__a, but I felt like it was something I wanted to explore briefly. I love these two, and their friendship hasn't been explored enough. Enjoy and thanks for all the reviews as always, please keep them coming!_

**_"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew. All the things you'd say they were never true, never true and the games you'd play you would always win, always win_**."

Carla pulled her dressing gown around her tighter, having grabbed it quickly. She stood by the door, Peter listening from the bedroom where Carla had asked him to wait while she talked to her best friend. She bit her lip nervously as Michelle stepped inside, her face saying it all.

"Oh you are alive then?"

"Chelle-"

"Thank god you told me, I mean at least I didn't humiliate meself at the police station this morning demanding to know why more wasn't being done to find my best mate! Do you know what an idiot I felt when they told me, Carla? You've been home nearly two days and you didn't think to send a text or answer your phone?! For all I knew, you were dead in a ditch!"

Carla looked down, fiddling with the rings on her fingers, unused to their presence again. "Chelle, it were an accident, I never meant to ignore you, it's just been an awful few days, I needed space."

Michelle watched her, shaking her head. Carla could see she was angry but more than that she could see the pain in her eyes. They'd been through so much together and Carla always seemed to do a good job at messing her around, even now. Michelle had always been Carla's constant, the one she could rely on to be right beside her no matter what she threw at her. Had she pushed her too far this time?

"Don't give me that crap, Carla. Don't make me look like an idiot, I know he's here. His shoes are over there for a start. You never learn do you?" Michelle watched her, words spewing from her mouth, unable to keep them in as her anger and hurt bubbled over. Carla's silence simply infuriated her further. "He jumps and you say how high, fuck everyone else who might get hurt in the process. Never mind Leanne or Simon or me." She glared, Carla refusing to look at her, "Or Maria, or Paul" She almost let Tony and Frank's names fall from her lips but stopped herself, she was hurt, but she liked to think she wasn't that cruel.

"That's the thing about you, you're selfish, you 'ave been ever since we were kids. You went after our Paul because Liam wouldn't give you the attention you wanted, you made Paul love you and then you made Liam love you and now they're both dead. Is that why you treat me like shit? Wrong Connor?"

Carla shuffled her feet, her heart aching at Michelle's words but she made no attempt to deny them either. She figured if she had finally pushed Michelle far enough to say them, she must really deserve them.

"I hate you. I hate everything you stand for, Carla. I mean, this is a new low, even for you."

"You don't mean that, Michelle." Carla shuffled her feet along the floor almost nervously.

"Don't I? I thought you were my friend, Carla. My best mate-" Carla could see tears in her eyes too.

"I am! I always will be. It's been really difficult, I was so scared these last few-" Michelle scoffed, interrupting again. "Oh please, you know what? I don't want to know. I am so sick of you and your dramas. I'm sick of picking up the pieces until some other sucker comes along for a quick fumble."

Carla stepped closer to her, shaking her head, "You know what, Michelle. I am sorry, okay? I'm sorry I didn't text you or come and see you but you're out of order. You're not perfect, either 'Chelle. Remember that."

Michelle frowned, her hand on Carla's elbow to pull her back round to look at her, "What's that meant to mean?" She frowned more when Carla shook her head, pulling away from her, "I said, what's that meant to mean?" As the door opened, she didn't even turn to look at Peter, her eyes focused in fury on Carla, "Stay out of this, Peter." She spat. She suddenly felt as though they were back in the factory, arguing over Liam's death. Michelle never thought she'd feel as hurt as she did back then, but how wrong she was

Carla barely registered Peter's arrival either, not realising all the shouting had worried him, wanting to calm the situation. "You 'aven't always been there either, Michelle. Sometimes you put blokes first an' all."

Michelle tilted her head as she still watched her. She had known Carla since they were 5 years old, she knew her inside out, every trick in the book, she had her clocked. "Go on. If there's something you want to say, say it." Her voice was low, serious, demanding.

"Say it!" Michelle shouted now.

"Where were you when Frank raped me." Carla's tone was almost taunting but the words stuck in her throat, and she regretted them as soon as they left her lips. They clung in the air, the atmosphere changing completely now. Before Peter could say a word, Carla's face stung from the slap Michelle forcefully left upon her cheek but she didn't cry as Michelle did now, she wouldn't let herself. "See, there's the Carla we all know and love! How could you?" Michelle shook her head as she angrily wiped her eyes.

"You know what, good luck to you both. Drink yourselves to hell." And with that, Michelle was gone, and this time, Carla thought it might be for the last time.

* * *

Peter rushed over to her quickly, "Are you okay?" He stroked a finger over her red cheek as she nodded, grabbing hold of his top and pulling him close, a few tears falling now, "She hates me Peter. She's the last one I 'ave left and she hates me an all." Pushing her hair from her eyes, Peter shook his head, "She doesn't hate you, love. She's hurt, that's all."

Carla rested her forehead against his, still making no effort to stop her tears, "I'm a horrible friend, no wonder she wants n'owt to do with me."

Peter sighed sadly, Carla's hands still on his top, keeping him close. "Look, do you want me to go? Michelle's right love, I have taken over these last few weeks and I don't really have a right to demand time with you. Go after her..."

Carla shook her head quickly, her grip on fistfuls of Peter's top tightening, "No, stay. Please stay, baby." Her lips were right by his ear, whispering her need and sending shivers along his spine that don't go unnoticed by Carla. So he takes this as his cue to kiss her. Walking her gently to the wall, Peter kisses her hard but soft all at once. He kisses her and he can hear her pulse beating as he does.

He takes his moment whenever he can, the moments when she is vulnerable and wearing her heart on her sleeve. The times when her trust is visible like an open wound because he knows better than anyone that she can close off for days on end. He knows she can put barriers up higher than he had ever imagined. So Peter takes his moments gratefully, because these moments mean she is open and they mean another chance to rebuild their ruins.

He kisses her with force, but with love as he pushes her through to the bedroom and they tumbled into bed.


	21. Chapter 21

_I hope no one minds the small lack of Carla and Peter in the last couple of chapters, I was just trying to find a way to explain parts of the story differently and course lay grounds for future chapters. Your reviews are amazing, and cherished as always!_

**_"I feel romantic cos since morning I've been at the wine. Shall we eat all the poison and leave all the questions behind?"_**

Michelle couldn't face going home after her confrontation with Carla and found herself wondering along the common, alone, lost in her thoughts. She wasn't sure she was angry any more, instead she felt empty. The way she had when she had lost both her brothers. She felt as though she had just lost something equally as special to her. Carla's words rung in her ears, after everything that had happened between them, they had never discussed her absence during one of the worst periods of Carla's life. She had never asked in depth why she didn't phone her, why she hadn't reached out to her. Maybe she should have. Maybe now she never would.

She sighed sadly as she pulled her coat tighter around her, frowning as a familiar voice called her name, looking up, her brows furrowed and her words couldn't quite escape her lips. He had always had that effect on her. "Rob? What the 'ell are you doing here?"

Rob threw her a smirk but she could see the look upon his face wasn't fitting the appearance he was trying to give off. "Surprisingly, that's the nicest welcome I've 'ad so far."

Michelle folded her arms across her chest, almost to protect herself. She wasn't scared of Rob, she never had been. She was, however, scared of the way he could make her feel all these years later. He should be in prison for the murder of Michelle's work mate, and yet she couldn't help but feel relieved he wasn't. "What is this then, you on the run or summit?" She raised her eyebrows at him as he chuckled, "Take me for a drink and maybe I'll fill you in." Michelle shook her head in disbelief, "You are unbelievable, you know that?" She walked with him though, leading him to a pub that definitely wasn't the Rovers.

Rob sat waiting for her as she carried over a pint and a large red wine for herself and grinned cheekily up at her. Again, it never did quite reach his eyes.

She watched him as she spoke, her voice laced bitterness. ""So come on then, what the bloody hells going on? No one tells me 'owt anymore." She shook her head softly, "Should I be worried, are the police gonna barge in here any minute and arrest me for fraternising with the enemy?"

Rob laughed softly, shaking his head as he swigged his pint, "Better the less you know kid, trust me. But lets just say, I know a lot of bent people that know a lot more bent people. What is it they say? It's a very corrupt world." He smirked more and took another mouthful as Michelle rolled her eyes. "Don't call me a kid, Rob. I'm sick of being patronised and treated like an annoying little girl. Sick to the flammin' back teeth of it."

With a confused look, Rob went to question her on her mood but before he could, Michelle went to speak, "So what do you want, Rob? I'm assuming you're after something, people usually are."

Rob frowned, "What's gotten into you? Crikey, I were only after a friendly face. I assume by your mood you've spoken to our Carla? Maybe I _should_ be expecting a police car on my tail?"

Michelle frowned softly after gulping her wine back in a way even Carla would envy. "What's she got to do with anything?" It was Rob's turn to frown now, sitting forward more, intrigued. "Well seeing as it were her I kept locked up in a warehouse for three days and her baby I seem to have killed, I'd say quite a bit, Michelle?" He voice was rough, emotionless but his eyes gave him away, regret seeping through his very being.

Michelle almost spat her wine out, her mouth open in shock and Rob realised it really was the first time she had heard this, "You what?" She took a second to go over what he had said. "She were with you? But the police said she'd been in London? What the hell?"

Rob studied her face, more confused than ever, "London? No Michelle, she were in a warehouse with me." At Michelle's horrified look he rolled his eyes, "Oh give over, 'Chelle, I didn't tie her to a chair and hold a gun to her head or nothing. I just wanted her to talk, to see sense. I swear, I didn't know she was pregnant."

"She was pregnant? Oh Jesus, Rob." Michelle felt her heart break all over again, and she was powerless to stop it.

Rob looked down, embarrassed, "I don't get it, why did she tell you she'd been in London?"

"She didn't. The police did." Michelle sighed, rubbing her face and finishing her wine. She ignored Rob's questioning for a minute as she headed back to the bar, ordering herself a large Vodka this time, and Rob the same. Sitting back down, she watched him intensely. There was something about him that intrigued her, even now, hearing what he had done to the best friend she had recently planted a fierce slap on, she was drawn to him.

"I went to the police this morning, wanting to know what they planned to do about finding her. Little did I know she were already shacked up in bed with lover boy. They told me she'd been in to see them as soon as she got back. Apparently everything was getting on top of her so she'd ran away to stay with her mate in London. She had no idea what had happened at her flat, but as far as she was concerned everything was fine and the case was closed. That's the story she's giving anyway. Until five minutes ago, that were what I believed an all."

Rob raised his eyebrows, shaking his head, "So she'd not told 'em what I did? She didn't even tell you?"

Michelle shook her head, closing her eyes for a second as she thought back to the harsh words her and Carla had just shared, "I didn't really give her much chance to be honest. We argued, god, I was horrid. So was she to be fair but I probably deserved it. I didn't know, especially not about the baby. Fuck Rob, she's gonna be a mess and I've made it ten times worse." She held her hand over her mouth as she imagined the turmoil Carla would be facing, neither of them having any idea that the baby had survived.

"Oh don't worry, 'Chelle, I'm sure Peter's making it all better." He swigged back at the vodka Michelle had handed him, as did she, just wanting to forget for a while. They stayed in that pub for hours longer, drinking and talking, wasting hours away avoiding what awaited them at home, or in Rob's case, a scummy B&amp;B. Michelle forgot about Steve and about right and wrong and about morals. She forgot how betrayal and wrong doings had ended so tragically for her brothers and her best friend. She let Rob's charm overtake her in every sense of the word. Whilst drinking back another toxic drink and cackling loudly at something Rob said, she decided in that moment that she hated him. She hated what he had caused, what he had done and how again he was walking away unscathed while Carla sat at home, a wreck. But that didn't make her go. And hours later, when the day had been and gone and the early hours of the morning arrived, it didn't stop her following him to that scummy B&amp;B and into his bed.

* * *

Carla's naked body collapsed down against Peter's as she tried to catch her breath, her breathing erratic and hot against the skin of Peter's neck where her face rested. The heat between them meant their sticky skin stuck together, but neither cared. Peter held her close against him, taking a minute while the intensity and need between them calmed. As her body relaxed, Carla felt herself mould against Peter and she even almost smiled, "I needed that." She whispered into the crook of his neck as he nodded, softly. "Me too, baby. Me too."

Staying just how they were, Peter settled into a sleep, eventually. Carla curled up on his chest, his hands settling her spent body into a state of bliss. But she stayed awake, unable to drift off as her husband had done, her mind in over drive over the last few days. She felt she had barely had time to breathe and although right now there was no where else she'd rather be but in Peter's arms, she couldn't help the regret that flooded her when she realised how badly she needed to share her thoughts with her best friend.

Careful not to wake her sleeping lover, Carla reached over for her phone and turned it, nervously typing out a message as she still lay across Peter, one that little did she know, would break her best friend's heart upon reading it.

_Chelle, I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I know you didn't mean it either. I need you in my life, Chelle, I always have done. I need you in my life and so will my baby. We can sort this xx_

Before she could change her mind, Carla sent the text, hoping the news of her baby would soften Michelle's mood and encourage her to talk. Although, if Carla had any idea exactly what Michelle was up to and who with, it might not be her mood that needed softening at all.


	22. Chapter 22

_Thanks for the reviews lovelies! A couple of people said they had almost missed a chapter so if you haven't read the last one, make sure you do or this won't make sense at all! :)_

**_Back beat, the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now... Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my wonderwall._**

Carla sat bolt up in her bed, breathing heavily, sweat pouring from her hot skin as she mumbled, trying to calm her breathing. Her actions woke a slumbering Peter as he sat up with her. Peter had become accustomed to settling Carla from her nightmares during the time they had spent together. Sometimes she was plagued for weeks on end by dreams that haunted her and other times she could go months without a disruption. It seems as though the recent circumstances of the last few days had brought everything back and Peter longed to fix it. He wished it were that easy.

Wrapping his arms around her, Peter pulled Carla against his chest, gently but protectively, pushing her hair from her face. It took a while, much longer than it used to Peter noted regrettably, for Carla to relax against him and her breathing to calm. But eventually she softened and let his comforting heartbeat settle her. "Sorry.." She whispered, her voice quiet and almost nervous. She had tried to keep herself together since rekindling her relationship with Peter, but hadn't always been able to. Now her barriers were completely down and she didn't even have a face plastered on to hide behind. "Hey, don't be silly love. It's me, you don't have to apologise for this, you know that." Peter kissed the top of head lovingly.

"I used to.." Carla whispered. And all at once, they both realised how far they still had to go. Carla had come a long way in letting Peter back in, but he had hurt her so much, it almost destroyed her and it would take a lot of time and effort to repair that fully, if ever. Peter's heart ached at the thoughts running through his mind. He had honestly never regretted anything more and he was determined to grab this second chance while he could. "I love you." He simply whispered in reply into her hair and for that moment, it was enough.

* * *

Michelle lay dead still the next morning when she woke. The sun streamed in through the half closed curtains and only made her pounding head worse. She dare not move for fear of waking the sleeping form next to her and having to face the music. She wasn't sure whether the sick in the pit of her stomach was because of regret or alcohol. Probably both.

As carefully as she could, she climbed up, keeping the duvet around her naked body, mortified. She grabbed her phone from her bag with a sigh, endless messages and missed calls from Steve. Oh God, Steve. She had never once cheated in her life, now she knew why.

Scrolling through her messages, Michelle's breath caught in her throat as she saw Carla's name and nervously, slowly, she opened the message.

Her heart sank.

She would rather Carla was angry than this. Rather she was hurling abuse at her than being nice, being sorry. How could she ever look her in the eyes again? Michelle's eyes glanced at Rob as she snored next to her, completely oblivious to her anguish. Oblivious to the pain and destruction he left in his wake, wherever he went. She stood up quickly, her mind in overdrive after Carla's text. Baby? She was still pregnant. Carla was pregnant. Would she ever be able to be apart of the babies life? Right now, that seemed unlikely and the thought broke her heart.

Michelle stood up, pulling on last night's clothes as quickly as possible and rushing out but not before she heard Rob calling out her name in his gruff, alluring voice.

* * *

The next morning, Carla and Peter slept later than usual, their disturbed sleep leaving them both slightly exhausted. When they did eventually wake, Carla looked up to find Peter already awake, watching her contently. "Morning sleeping beauty." Carla's sleepy chuckle washed over him and instantly last night's worried were long gone. For now, at least.

Carla mumbled happily, "Morning lover boy." She teased, her voice laced with sleep. With a smile, she slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes and reaching for her phone. She tried to hide how her heart dropped at the lack of reply from Michelle and putting her phone down, she pushed it from her mind for the time being. Peter smiled joyfully as Carla's head rested on his chest and it felt like coming home all over again. He stroked her naked back and her skin tingled, the way it always did at his touch. He was, and always had been her poison.

Carla bit her lip with a chuckle at the sound of her stomach rumbling against Peter's and she looked up with a smirk, "I think that's your cue to take me to Roy's for a slap up breakfast, baby." The way she said baby made Peter's body react in a way he was powerless to stop and he grinned, "Classy as ever, Car'" He couldn't seem too enthusiastic, too overjoyed at the thought of public moments together.

Carla sat up, "Do you think we should try and see Si' first? I mean I guess he needs to know first?" Peter's heart swelled. The side of her hardly anyone saw. Her pure golden heart, through and through. He nodded softly, sitting up beside her he bit his lip, "Are you ready for that big a step?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, hubby." She just hoped it would be as easy as she longed for it to be. Though history taught her, probably not


	23. Chapter 23

_Thanks for the reviews as always, please keep them coming. I hope people are still enjoying this! Feel free to let me know if not! xo_

_**"Haven't had a dream in a long time. see, the life I've had can make a good man, bad. So for once in my life, let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time."**_

Carla dropped Peter's hand as the door of the flat opened and Leanne answered, a confused look on her face. She wasn't sure why she did it, what caused the nerves she felt bubbling in the pit of her stomach at the public show of affection but the pained look on Peters face at her lack of a united front made her wish she were a better person.

"Can we come in Leanne? We wanted to talk to Si'?" Still confused, Leanne nodded at Peter's words although she now had a pretty good idea why they were here. She wasn't sure how to feel about their rekindled romance. Sure, she had moved on and held no feelings for Peter anymore but knowing how deep rooted his love for Carla was still hurt her even now.

"Dad?" Simon looked up over the sofa with a grin and threw Carla a smile too. His smile reminded her of the conversation they had shared a few weeks ago outside the factory and reminded her of his encouragement to reunite with Peter. Slightly, her heart felt warmer.

Carla let her hand rest on her stomach as she sat down beside Peter without meaning to and Leanne frowned softly to herself. Surely not?

"Hey son! How are ya?" Peter chatted casually with Simon for a few minutes, and Carla stayed quiet in the background, watching them both. She took in the way Peter was with Simon and she felt a tingle run through her body. She felt almost proud to be carrying his baby in that moment. She was the one who would allow him to make up for all those years he lost with his son and finally experience fatherhood properly. She just hoped her and their baby would be enough this time. She _needed_ to be enough this time.

Simon eventually rolled his eyes at the casual conversation his dad was making, "So you two are back together then?" His blunt and to the point comment shocked all three of the adults in the room but all of them noted the lack of bitterness or anger. Simon had grown a lot in the last couple of years, he wasn't the spoiled young child he once had been and although he was still a kid at heart, he liked to play the part of the grown up

Peter fumbled with his words, looking at Carla and then back at Simon, "I.. er.. Well yeah, mate. We are.." Peter's nerves made his body almost ache. God, he could use a drink right now. A drink would calm him down, settle the worries and anxieties he felt over his life currently. Although one glance at Carla seemed to quell his fears. His wife and baby were surely worth more than five seconds of his guilty pleasure. Right?

"About time. Everyone knew you'd get back together." Carla answered this time with an intrigued chuckle, "How?"

"Because you love each other. And mum loves Kal now and Carla's not really a monster I guess so I don't really mind." He shrugged, as though what he were saying was simply obvious.

There was a time, not that long ago, that Carla longed to hear those words from Simon. She craved his acceptance and the normality of an easy life. But now it almost scared her. It scared her because the possibility of everything she had ever dreamed of was so within reach, so tangible, that she could almost reach it. Everything seemed to be falling into place and despite her dispute with Michelle, everything was going incredibly well. Thing is, that didn't usually last long in Carla's case. What was going to fall apart this time?

Peter couldn't help but grin across at his wife after the conversation with his son. He was completely thrilled at his reaction and to him, his second chance was well and truly under way. He might be scared. He might be bloody terrified, but he was going to cave. He wasn't going to mess this up. Everything was in the palm of his hands, fragile and delicate and so totally dependent on him. He couldn't mess it up this time, and he was going to do his damned best to prove he deserved it also.

Carla swallowed back a lump in her throat, closing her eyes for a second before opening them again. She braced herself, wanting to take her moment of feeling brave and do something useful with it for once. The baby inside her may only be tiny and new and oh so breakable, but Carla wanted to share it with someone. She wanted someone else to tell her how excited they were. She wanted Simon to ask if it would be a boy or a girl and whether he could help choose a name. She wanted normal. But before she had a chance to speak, Leanne interrupted her, asking to speak to her alone. Carla nodded and smiled gratefully as Peter squeezed her hand before heading over to the kitchen to where Leanne stood.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?!" Leanne's voice was hushed and quiet but angry enough to make Carla frown.

"Eh? We were just talking, Leanne? What's your problem?" Carla kept her voice equally as quiet, not wanting to concern the chatting father and son.

"Give over Carla, I can tell a mile off that you're pregnant. You haven't taken your hand off your belly since you walked in!"

Carla seemed taken aback but quickly fought her corner, "So what if I am?"

"You can't go waltzing about telling Simon things like that and getting him excited, anything could happen. Look at the last time you were pregnant, Carla." Leanne shrugged as she spoke, showing little emotion other than bitterness.

Carla shook her head, "That is not fair, Leanne. You know as well as anyone what it feels like to lose a baby."

"Yeah but when I lost mine you were at my flat kissing my husband!"

"Oh for crying out loud, let it go." She tried not to show how Leanne's words affected her and shook her head softly "Look I'm sorry, you're happy with Kal aren't you? I just want to be happy with Peter. I want my kid to have an upbringing like you're giving Simon. Please Leanne, I don't want to fight anymore. I don't have any fight in me." Those words told Leanne more about Carla than she realised. She was scared, afraid and broken. Maybe she should stop throwing knives at someone who was already so cut up.

"You're right. I'm sorry. Just-" Leanne shrugged, "Don't tell him till its all safe alright? I can't have him hurt again." And with that, Leanne just walked away. Leaving Carla standing in an empty kitchen with an empty feeling lingering over her.

She just couldn't work out why.


	24. Chapter 24

**_"Never mind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don't forget me, I beg."_**

Carla held Peter's arm as they left Leanne's flat and took a deep breath. The air in that flat felt like it was suffocating her and she couldn't catch her breath. Finally, in the fresh air she felt calm again and relaxed slightly in the light summer breeze. She didn't mention what Leanne had said as they walked over to the cafe, she didn't want to ruin Peter's good mood. He looked so blissfully happy, his eyes sparkling as he pulled out a seat for Carla and she sat down with an almost school girl giggle. It had been so long since she'd felt a soft touch or a pleasurable kiss, she'd almost forgotten what happy felt like until Peter came back. Right now, it didn't matter that everyone kept throwing glances at them. Tracy's remarks from the queue didn't matter either because Carla could see Peter only had eyes for her and that was what mattered right in that moment.

Peter smiled up at Roy and both of them were grateful for a friendly face. "Hello Carla, Peter. What can I get you?" Carla's heart warmed at the lack of judgement. He really was just like his late wife. If Hayley had been here she would have told Carla to go for it, because you only get one life. She would have said, take it by the hands and run with it, before it runs from you. Hayley would have told her that she would be a good mum and she would love her baby endlessly. She would have said, "believe in yourself, Mrs Connor and you're half way there." And then Carla would have corrected her to Barlow and then corrected her again and say, "How many times, Hayles. It's Carla!" They would have laughed and and shared a silent moment of understanding and Carla would have felt cared for, loved. She'd do anything to look into those warm, welcoming eyes again.

" Carla?" Peter broke her thoughts with a chuckle and Carla laughed herself. "Sorry Roy, in a world of my own there. Just the usual please darlin'" She smiled up at Peter and shook her head as he gave her a confused look, "Just thinking about Hayley." She whispered, and smiled gratefully as he squeezed her hands. She knew people were looking, she couldn't bare it. But she tried to ignore it, knowing if they could get through it for now then at least it would be over soon and everyone would find something else to talk about.

Most people had welcomed Peter back, but some still blamed him for Tinas death, regardless of the fact he hadn't actually committed the crime. It was his fault, if he hadn't slept with her then she'd still be alive. She could have got married, had kids, seen the world. That's what people said. She was young. But what about her? What if Carla wanted to have a baby, what if she wanted a husband and a proper house and their own family? Tina couldn't have that now and she hated her brother for taking that away from her but Carla still could. She was alive and god knows she'd overcome enough to still be here. Surely she was allowed happiness too.

That's what made her stand up to Rita as she stood by their table in the cafe. Asking Carla how she could bare to look at him after everything she had caused. "If he hadn't had an affair, starting on his wedding day with a girl young enough to be his daughter then Tina would still be here with us today."

Carla shook her head up at her, "Last time I checked it took two to tango Rita. She wanted him right back. She was happy enough to sleep with him in my bed, she was happy enough to try and take him away from me. I lost everything when Tina died, I lost my husband, someone I thought was my friend, my brother." She swallowed back, "I lost my daughter. And it is not my fault Tina is gone but I am sorry she is. But please, give me a break for once in my life. I need one." Carla hadn't realised she had an audience, everyone listening to their conversation. Rita didn't know what to say to that. She knew it was true, she knew Carla was the person she should blame least as she had lost more than anyone. But seeing Peter looking so happy turned her insides.

Peter reached his hand out to Carla but before he could she stood up, shaking her head.

"I need space."

And with that, she was gone, the sound of the cafe door swinging shut behind her as she disappeared.

Carla looked up at the sky and took a deep breath as she got away from the heated public conversation. She knew who she wanted to see except Michelle still hadn't replied to her message and she wondered if she'd even give her a chance to speak to her. Before Peter could follow her out she made her way to the Rovers and stood at the bar, "Hiya Steve. Is our 'Chelle here?"

Steve frowned at her, "Eh, she text and said she was staying at yours last night?" Carla swallowed back at that. Where was she? If she'd told him that, she mustn't have told him about their argument so probably hadn't been home at all. What reason would she have to lie about where she was?

"Oh she did, she left a while ago and I needed to speak to her quick. She must have popped to town or summit." Carla lied, though she wasn't sure that was for the best. She had no clue where Michelle was and felt sick to her stomach. As she turned to leave she saw Rob walk in, as bold as anything, not caring who he saw. He smirked at her, "Alright sis?"

Grabbing his arm she pulled him outside, "What the hell are you doing round here, how could you after everything? Do you have no idea of the people you've hurt?"

Rob shrugged, "Where else would I go?"

Carla laughed bitterly, "Oh and you think anyone wants you around here do ya?" The look in his eyes made her feel sick,

"Met someone last night actually. She seemed quite happy to keep me company." Rob always had loved having the upper hand.

"Oh until she finds out what you did. She'll run a mile like everyone else. You're a murderer Rob. Pure and simple." Carla shook her head and went to walk away but he stopped her with his next words.

"Oh she already knows. She knows me very well actually Carla. Knows all about Tina, knows all about our little party in the warehouse, eh she even knows about that time I dressed up in mums clothes when I were 8. I've waited a very long time to get my hands on her."

Robs laugh went straight through her. Michelle. Carla thought she might throw up there and then. She couldn't get her head around what he was saying. Michelle had slept with Rob? She knew the truth, knew everything. Carla added everything together in her head and assumed Michelle wouldn't have known she was still pregnant when she slept with him. Her own best friend had betrayed her and her heart physically hurt at the realisation.

She walked away quickly without saying a word, her hand to her mouth as she headed towards her flat, knowing Peter couldn't be there as he had no key. She ignored Rob as he shouted back to her, "She might be a shit best mate but she's bloody good in bed, Car'"

His words rung in her ears as she rushed inside quickly and into her bathroom where she fell to her knees and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet, clutching her tummy at the same time.

As she did she realised how alone in the world she was.

When she saw Michelle she wouldn't beg for forgiveness, she'd kill her.


	25. Chapter 25

_Please keep the reviews coming, they make my day and make writing so much more enjoyable. Thanks for all of them, you're fabulous! Look out for something big coming soon ;)_

**_"Now I've got you in my space, I won't let go of you. Got you shackled in my embrace, I'm latching onto you_**."

Peter jumped up as soon as Carla did, needing to follow her, needing to comfort her. He was stopped by Roy, ever the voice of reason. He convinced Peter to stay and sat with him for a short while, explaining he was sure Carla would need time alone for a minute. They ended up in deep conversation and Peter could see all Carla adored in the older man. Roy told him the way his loss of Hayley should be a lesson to him. How he had betrayed Carla was one of the worst possible things; when he should have been savouring her he was savouring another. He said something that Peter thought would stick with him even in his darkest hours. "If you ever feel tempted to make such a mistake again, or in fact any mistake which may cause her harm, imagine the look of pain in her eyes when she finds out, knowing you have caused it. Could you be knowingly responsible for that again?" If only he had done that before.

Eventually Peter couldn't wait any longer. He was desperate to see her and make sure she was okay except she wasn't answering his calls and he didn't know where to even start looking. Peter headed into the Rovers, apprehensively, and asked Steve for Michelle's spare key to the flat. He assumed she would have one, she always used to and it seemed his only option. After a quizzing from Steve about his fiancé's whereabouts, he headed off quickly and over to Carla's flat. He only hoped that was where he'd find.

Letting himself in, he called her name softly, nervously, desperately and he received no response. Peter's shoulders dropped in defeat and he sighed, having no idea where to find her. But then a noise alerted him to her presence and he realised she was here after all. He walked over to the bathroom and tentitively pushed the door open. He found her lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, crying softly to herself. Peter's heart swelled with pain as he sank down beside her, his face awash with worry.

"Oh sweetheart.. Come here.." She barely registered him as he sank down to his knees beside her and pulled her up from the floor and onto his lap. He didn't try and move her away from the bathroom, ignoring the smell of sick around them as he made her his sole focus. Leaning against the bath, he just held her against his chest, lovingly, and rocked slowly, shushing her so softly and with so much care in his voice.

"You shouldn't let people get to you, baby. They don't matter!" Peter spoke about earlier in the cafe, assuming that was what she was so distressed over but Carla shook her head. She tripped over her own words as she tried to explain, still crying, "Chelle... Rob. She slept with Rob!" Carla cried more as she spoke the words aloud, "How could she?!" She hit Peter's chest in frustration and Peter shook his head, "Michelle wouldn't do that, surely not? Why would she sleep with him? How do you know?!" He rubbed her back softly, completely and utterly in shock, "Rob took great pleasure in telling me.."

Peter frowned, "What? Rob? Carla has he touched you? Did he hurt you?" Peter immediately worried for her, looking down in concern. His body filled with relief as Carla shook her head, "No.. not physically anyway." That broke his heart all over again.

Sadly he manoeuvred Carla to the floor and stood up, pulling gently on Carla's hands to pull her up too. "Come on you, let's get you sorted and we can cuddle and talk properly eh?" He put some toothpaste on Carla's toothbrush and passed it to her with a loving kiss on the forehead. With an embarrassed smile, Carla wiped her eyes and brushed her teeth as Peter headed to her bedroom to find her some more comfortsble clothes. Eventually he decided on one of his big tshirts, wanting her to be comfy and knowing they both used to love her in his clothes.

He leaned down in front of her after she had finished washing her face and taking the remnants of her make up off and ever so gently pulled off her trousers. Standing up again, Peter pulled her top off and carefully pulled his baggy top onto her like a nightdress.

Carla felt her heart go at his actions. He was doing everything she wanted and she could already feel her pieces fixing themselves back together, however slowly. That's when she realised, Peter was her glue. And sometimes that glue comes apart, but that's okay. Because with a little time and effort, glue could fix even the biggest rips.

Together, they headed into her bedroom and Peter wrapped Carla up in a warm embrace by his chest, holding her so close. He let her cry, he let her get angry all over again. He listened to how betrayed and heart broken she was over Michelle's actions and listened in anger to what Leanne had said earlier that day. Somehow, against all odds, he kept his emotions to himself and simply listened, being the comfort she needed. He let her explain how Michelle knew all about what Rob had done and still slept with him, and he listened to how she wondered if they could ever repair their friendship, something that was incredibly special to Carla. Losing Michelle was losing her oldest, closest friend and the only link left to old, treasured memories. She didn't understand the person she was becoming, and it hurt incredibly much.

Finally, Carla fell into a sleep against Peter and he was able to relax slightly. He'd been so focused on trying to calm his wife he'd gotten himself into a state as well. He stay laying with Carla while she had a nap, watching her and taking her all in gratefully, unable to take a moment for granted but as he thought over the last few hours he knew exactly what he had to do.

Peter slowly moved Carla onto the bed so she slept soundly on his side and tucked her in. He scribbled a quick note and left it on the pillow to explain his absence before slipping his shoes and coat on and heading out.

He headed straight over to the Rovers, hoping Michelle would have shown her face by now and set to make her life as full of pain as she had to Carla's but as he walked in and saw Steve placing a kiss to his soon to be wife's lips, he froze and Carla's earlier words rang in his ears, "_Thing is, I'm more scared than angry. The thought of losing her Peter, it kills me."_ Carla may hide it well but her heart of gold was fragile and cracked through and through. With a sigh he turn to leave but Michelle caught his eyes and he could see the fear and pain fall upon her face. In fact her eyes mirrored exactly Carla's from earlier. Keeping her gaze, Peter was sure Michelle had known he was aware of what happened but before he could do anything hasty, he turned and walked away.

He'd barely made it to the door of Carla's flats before his phoned buzzed and Michelle's name appeared.

_Tell her I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Peter and I love her.. Please look after her.._


	26. Chapter 26

_Just a quick, shorter uodate but more coming soon, with something big to look out for, thanks for the reviews as always_

_**The littlest things that take me there, I know it sounds lame but it's so true. I know it's not right, but it seems unfair the things are reminding me of you. Sometimes I wish we could just pretend even if only for one weekend. So come on, tell me, is this the end**?_

Carla gripped Peter's hand tighter than she ever had as she lay in the hospital bed. Her bump was visible now, although not so much so that she couldn't hide it. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from the screen and the nurse as they placed jelly on her and prepared her for her 12 week scan.

A long few weeks had passed and very little had changed. Peter had officially moved into Carla's flat and having him there every night and every day was perfect. No one knew about the baby yet, though Carla and Peter planned to tell a few people if all went well at this scan. The looks and comments had finally died down and everything was settling down. Everything except the Rob and Michelle situation. Carla didn't like to talk about it much and Peter tried to avoid the conversation. They rarely went to to pub nowadays to avoid seeing them and mostly spent their days inside, curled on together and planning their future. It wasn't that Carla hadn't wanted to sort things with her best friend but the cracks and wounds seem too big to heal.

She had tried to speak to her but Michelle seemed unwilling to talk. She barely looked at Carla when she approached her for a conversation and eventually Carla stopped trying. She stopped trying to get the answers to the hundreds of questions she had, she stopped trying to repair their friendship. She figured Michelle had done what everyone else in her life did. Given up on her.

Carla looked up as she heard Peter's gasp, his eyes brimming with tears and fixed firmly on the screen. His baby, a little piece of him and Carla. The heartbeat was loud and strong but it made his own heart weak. He couldn't fathom the love he felt already. As he looked down, he saw Carla crying too but her eyes alight with the same love he felt deep inside him.

She looked at him and squeezed his hand tighter, "We did that.." her eyes were back on the screen now and she didn't see his nod. He couldn't find the words to describe what he felt so he didn't say anything at all.

Moments passed and they simply watched in awed silence. Carla thought about how bittersweet the moment was. She looked at the baby and longed for the daughter she had lost. Longed for the last year to not have happened and for Peter to have been this attentive during her last pregnancy. However, the sound of the heartbeat of their tiny baby growing inside her made her almost forget all that pain and think of the overwhelming love she felt instead, for both the baby and it's father.

After leaving their scan, Carla couldn't bring herself to put the picture away and she held it on her lap as Peter drove them home, her finger stroking it softly. "Are you sure we're ready for this?"

Carla looked up at Peters question and nodded, "They need to know baby and so does Si'. Now we're past the worst its time.." Peter nodded back in response, "Aye youre right."

"Always am Barlow."

They made their way back to the street, preparing themselves to tell Peter's family about the baby. Mostly, they had been supportive of their reunion and had welcomed Carla back with open arms. All except Tracy, who bitterly resented Carla, even more so now Rob was free and showing nothing but hate for his ex partner. Peter was working hard at the newly refurbished Bookies now and this only made the tension worse. Carlas mind however, was on a different subject altogether.

Carla bit her lip as she climbed out and grabbed her bag, "You go in love, there's something I've got to do. I'll be five minutes." She gave Peter a quick kiss and with a copy of the scan in her hand. Carla walked into the Rovers with her head high and her eyes looking for Michelle. With a deflated sigh, she made her way to the bar and over to Steve.

Placing a scan on the bar she pushed it to her best friends boyfriend discretely, "Steve, just give this to our 'Chelle would ya, please. Keep it to yourself. And look just.. Well tell her she's got my number." Her tongue poked around her cheek nervously as Steve told her he would pass it on and offered his congratulations. He told her how quiet Michelle had been and how out of it she seemed. He unknowingly put it down to the argument they had shared although Carla was pretty sure she knew different. Michelle never could handle guilt.

Carla hated the impact this had had on her. She was sick almost everyday during this pregnancy so far and she was certain it was stress related. In general, she was happy. So very happy actually. But something was missing, a huge hole in her life. A Michelle sized hole and nothing seemed to fill it. It was like losing Paul and Liam all over again except she couldnt grieve because Michelle hadn't died. She was over the road, a stone throw away and yet achingly further. She hated her. She hated her so much and she hated her even more because she knew she'd forgive her in an instant if she would let her.

Michelle was a huge part of Carla's life and she'd forgive almost anything. She was a Barlow by name now but everyone knew she'd always be a little bit Connor at heart. And the Connors always did have a hold over Carla. She wasn't sure she'd change it even if she could.

Sadly, Carla left Steve and the Rovers and the thoughts of her best friend and headed back to her husband, ready to face the world all over again. She put thoughts of Michelle and Rob out of her mind, no idea what was going on only next door and the impact it was going to have.

* * *

Michelle sat in the bathroom of the Rovers and wiped her eyes. She was trying so hard to keep everything together but inside she felt like she was crumbling more with every second. Everything was out of her control, she couldn't stop it from crashing around her feet. The guilt she felt every time she looked at Steve was crushing her and she missed Carla desperately. She missed having someone to lean on that understood her completely and she felt as guilty for betraying her and she did Steve.

She felt like a different person. The last few weeks and dragged her down into somebody she wasn't and she hated that she couldn't fix it. She couldn't fix anything.

And now, she sat on the toilet with tears streaming down her face as she turned over the white stick. One poxy white stick that changed her entire life.

Pregnant.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you**_

Numb.

That was the only way to describe how Michelle felt. Locked away in her bedroom, clutching her stomach and willing herself to cry. Why couldn't she cry? What sort of monster had she turned into?

Carla had always talked about self hatred. About a real, bitter deep hate for yourself and wishing you could be a better person or someone else entirely. Michelle had never understood that until these last few weeks and especially not until today. Today, she would happily neck a bottle of vodka followed by sleeping pills and feel no regret. Was this how Carla had felt prior to her own suicide attempt? Michelle thought it probably was. Except Carla, she didn't deserve to feel that way whereas Michelle believed she very much did deserve it.

She felt inhuman. She felt like if she could switch places with either of her brothers in that moment, she would. Swap with Paul and give Carla back her husband or trade places with Liam and give her back her lover and best friend. Give little Liam a daddy. Who'd miss her anyway? Steve didn't deserve her, he deserved someone a million times the person she was. Something she could never be. Carla probably hated her now. If she hadn't before, she would once she found everything out. What else was there to live for anymore?

* * *

Carla pulled herself up from the sofa when the buzzer rang and sighed as she walked over to answer it. She'd stayed home today, exhausted from yesterday's work meetings and needing some time to think. She was finding everything exhausted her recently and she knew she was tired and grumpy but she tried her best not to aim it at Peter. They'd only argued once that was anything to write home about. Carla had chicken out of telling his family about the baby last week and they still hadn't told them now. Peter was dying to share their news and so was she but something held her back. As though she was scared the more people knew the more likely it was that something would go wrong. After a brief shouting match he stopped, sighed and pulled her in for a cuddle. And that was it, he forgave her. Told her he'd wait as long as she needed. Carla had promised him they'd go tomorrow after work and speak to them. She hoped she would stick to it this time.

Carla froze at the voice on the other end of the buzzer, swallowing back, "Carla please can I come in. I need to speak to you." Michelle.

Without answering she let her in and moments later, someone slightly resembling her best friend appeared. Not the Michelle Carla knew though. She looked a mess, fragile and beaten down. She looked how Carla had felt half her life. She went to reach out to cuddle her but stopped herself.

Michelle wore an old tracksuit and her hair was scraped back into a ponytail. She wore not an inch of make up and she looked deathly.

"What the hell happened to you?" Carla's voice was softer than Michelle excepted and she almost collapsed against her into an inconsolable mess there and then. She didn't though.

"Carla I- I'm so sorry."

"I've tried getting in touch. Why have you been ignoring me?" Carla scrapped her feet against the floor, looking up at Michelle.

"I don't know. I guess I haven't been myself.." understatement of the year she thought to herself. She needed to tell her. Why couldn't she just tell her?

"You haven't told Steve then. About sleeping with my brother. How did you manage to make him keep quiet? Promise you'd pay him in kind?"

Michelle swallowed back, the air leaving her. Tell her. Just tell her, tell someone. Say it.

She couldn't.

"No.. I don't know, I think he's playing games. You know what he's like."

Carla scoffed, "Oh yeah, it's all fun and games with Rob until he locks you up for three days and nearly kills your baby." She glared at her now, letting her know how much her betrayal had killed her. If only she knew.

Michelle couldn't bare to listen to what she was being told. She just wanted it to stop, she wanted it all to stop. Everything was such a mess and she needed Carla to tell her what to do. She needed her comfort and frendship and strength. She needed her to know. Michelle stepped closer, "Carla, I've done something really stupid-"

"Yeah don't I know it Michelle!"

Michelle shook her head, "No you don't understand. Please let me explain." Say it! God damned, just say the words. Tell her what you've done.

Michelle reached her hand out to Carla's arm, holding it but Carla frowned, pushing her away.

Time seemed to stand still. Everything went in slow motion.

She didn't mean it, she didn't mean to push so hard.

Michelle slipped, falling to the floor but not before she collided with the coffee table. As she fell, her bag dropped and the contents scattered across the floor.

Carla wasn't sure where to look.

Her unconcious best friend or the positive pregnancy test.


	28. Chapter 28

_You have no idea how much your reviews are loved. Thank you! _

**_"Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing that I know. When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes, it is the only thing that makes us feel alive."_**

Michelle lay in the hospital bed, sore, aching and alone. She knew Carla would be sitting outside, tapping her feet, drumming her fingers, desperate to go inside and see her. But Michelle wouldn't let her, she couldn't face her.

She felt horrendous. And not simply in a physical way. Why had she done it? Why did she do any of it? The world around her now felt dark and sinister. Maybe everything she had faced in her 37 years of life had made her hard. She'd read a quote once, it had stuck with her forever. It had been her favourite. "Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." Today, she had betrayed all of those. She had become hard, bitter and full of hate. Mostly full of hate for herself. A deep darkness filled her life and covered her in demons and pain.

She hadn't told her.

As Michelle lay wallowing in self pity, Carla sat outside believing she had killed her best friends baby.

She didn't know about the abortion. She hadn't told her.

Her fiance sat at home with no idea what was happening and her best friend was just outside, thinking she had accidentally comitted the most heart breaking act.

And Michelle wasn't going to tell either of them.

How could she? If she had told Carla about the baby before the abortion, she would have told her to keep it. To make it work, to not get rid of the best thing that could ever happen to her. She'd tell her to man up, face her mistakes and let Steve be a dad again. Just because she had slept witb Rob once, wouldnt mean it had to be his. Except Michelle knew Steve couldn't be a dad again, and so would he. They hadn't been intimate in a long while what with Steve fighting his own battles. The baby had been Rob's. And she killed it and she could never get that back.

She couldn't tell them. The only way she could salvage anything from the mess she had made would be to let Carla believe she had miscarried. Tell her she couldn't tell Steve, because it would destroy him. She had to do it. Carla would do the same... Wouldn't she?

Michelle squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to imagine the pain Carla would be feeling now. The heartache and anger at herself. Imagine believing you killed your closest friends baby, even accidentally. Imagine. It would haunt you for the rest of your days. Michelle hoped Carla would be strong, move on, concentrate on her own baby. God, Michelle hoped everything would be okay again. But then, she couldn't help but think nothing would ever be okay. Nothing would ever be normal, it would never be right.

* * *

Carla's whole weight was leaning against Peter as they sat in the two hospital chairs outside Michelle's room. She let him comfort her because honestly, she didn't know how she would get through this without him. Michelle had sent her away, made her leave, said she needed space. How could she leave her? Every time she closed her eyes all she could see was Michelle laying unconcious across the floor of her flat.

Would that image ever leave? Would she ever be okay again? Carla didn't think so. She felt like her whole life had just gone up in smoke around her. All of it, a mess. She looked at Peter and realised, it didn't matter how much he reassured her, it didn't matter that he told her he loved her so many times a day. None of that mattered, because none of it was certain anymore. He could leave her, he could walk away and Carla would crumble all over again. But this time, she didn't know if she'd pick herself back up.

As though aware of her inner turmoil, Peter pulled her closer and kissed her head. He knew this was the last thing she needed, when she was just picking herself back up again. Looking after her baby inside of her and building her life up again. "I love you, Carla Barlow. We'll get through this. I promise." He kissed her head again and at least for now, she believed him.

A while later, they had to leave the hospital, much to Carla's annoyance and anger. The staff had told her Michelle refused to see her and that they were no longer allowed To wait. All Carla could do was shout and throw harsh words at the nurse who had no influence on the situation. Michelle hated her. She hated herself too. She had no idea why Michelle was really keeping her at arms length. Maybe it was better that way.

Carla leaned on Peter as they climbed out of the taxi and walked along the street, letting him be her strength. "Listen love, I need to check on si' at our dad's quick. Will you be alright waiting at the flat? I'll be five minutes." She held his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder, "Can I come with you? Don't fancy being alone. Besides I could use a distraction."

Peter smiled lovingly and nodded, kissing her hair, "Course sweetheart. Come on, we won't stay long." Proudly he led her over to his parents. As much as he hated the current situation, he loved how she was in public with him again. Loving and needy, almost clingy. In a good way though and Peter adored it. He loved being her husband.

Ken welcomed them both in and ushered them into the front room warmly. "Can I get you both a drink?" Carla nodded thankfully, desperate to rid the taste of the awful drinks she'd had at the hospital. "I'll have a brew please Ken, if you're offering."

Peter nodded, "I'll have the same please Dad." He put his hand on the small of Carla's back as Ken headed into the kitchen and led her to the sofa, "Come on you, sit down. All this stress isn't good for you or the baby."

"Baby?!" Deirdre appeared from the hallway and Carla tutted, tapping Peter on the arm, "Peter you idiot!"

Simon frowned in confusion and he followed Deirdre through, and Ken stood in the door way of the kitchen, watching both Carla and Peter.

"How long have you known?! Is everything okay? When's it due? Do you know the sex, oh my god I need to start knitting!" Deirdre wheeled off a list of questions and her eyes grinned, "I'm going to be a grandma again!"

Carla couldn't help but smile. At least something was bringing joy at last. Ken walked over and hugged his son and then Carla, "That's great news you two. We're very happy for you both." Carla knew he wasn't lying. She knew Ken quite well now and he never was good at lying to her.

Carla let Peter do the talking, letting him fill them in on all the details. She looked up to see Simon standing by the door and gestured for him to come and sit beside her. To her surprise, he did.

"Hey Si'. You're not angry are ya?"

Simon shrugged and looked up at her, shaking his head. He didn't say anything and neither did Carla. If it wasn't for Deirdre's excited chatter to Ken and Peter, the room would have been filled with silence.

"Have you got a picture?"

Carla bit her lip with a nod. She was glad for the distraction from her current mess but also terrified. She needed Simon's acceptance and approval. She couldn't deal with anymore rejections. Reaching into her bag she grabbed a scan picture and handed it to him.

"You can keep that if you like. We have a couple..." Carla handed Peter one for Ken and Deirdre and then watched Simon examining the photo. She didn't even realise she was holding her breathe.

"That's dead weird. It's like an alien in your belly!"

Carla laughed. She couldn't help it, the relief just tumbled from her lips and for a brief seconds, when her eyes met Peter's and the grin on his face matched hers, she was truly happy without a care in the world.

If only it could stay that way.


	29. Chapter 29

_Thanks for the reviews as always, please keep them coming lovelies. I have planned out at least the next 15 chapters so I hope you're all still interested! _

**_"Girl let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. Girl let me love you, I know your trouble, don't be afraid, girl let me help."_**

The sound of Carla's phone crashing to the floor resonated through the factory office and her legs couldn't take her weight anymore. She stumbled backwards, her back colliding with the desk as she let that support her weight instead. If it wasn't for the chatter of the factory staff, they'd have heard the pained sob that left Carla as she read the message her phone had shown her.

Michelle had lost the baby.

She felt heartbroken, bitter, angry. Guilty. Oh god, she'd never felt a guilt like it. She remembered laying in hospital feeling empty and hollow and imagined how Michelle would be feeling. She wouldn't even have Steve to lean on as although she'd told him she had fallen and ended in hospital and hadn't said the real reason why. She hadn't told him about the baby either. Carla assumed Michelle didn't want to set his depression back and probably didn't want Rob finding out either, just in case. Now, because of her, Michelle's baby was gone. Such a brief and flittering life but one that would leave Michelle with an endless pain, a space in her heart that could never be filled. Carla knew all about that. She quickly wiped her tears and made her way round the office, locking the door and making sure all the blinds were shut before sinking into the comfort of her familiar leather seat.

Carla let her hand slide under her top and rest on her small bump, her fingers tenderly stroking.

"You keep fighting little one." She whispered aloud, "You just keep fighting for mummy." Carla wiped her eyes with a sniffle before leaning back more, both her hands on her tummy as she looked down, speaking to her baby as she had done the last time she was pregnant, "Hey you're getting bigger everyday. Little bit bigger, little bit stronger. You have fingers and toes and a proper little face now." Carla spoke so softly, obviously so devestated at what she believed she had done, "You just hang in there baby. Hang on in there." She looked up, trying to stop her tears and almost growled in frustration and anger, "Please God, just hang in there."

After a moment or two longer Carla jumped up, grabbing her bag and heading out of the office, barely stopping, "Sal, you're in charge." And with that, she was gone.

* * *

Carla nervously made her way to the side of the bar and approached Steve. Michelle's message had told her he had no idea that Carla had completely unintentionally caused her accident but it didn't stop her feeling awkward and worried. "Can I go through Steve?" Thankfully he smiled and nodded, letting her through, even more clueless than Carla was about Michelle's current situation.

Swallowing back Carla opened the door to the back room and popped her head round, "'Chelle?"

Michelle looked up from her daze and gave Carla a tiny smile, nodding for her to come in. She needed to tell her, to be honest and open and get this out of the way. She couldn't be the one to cause Carla so much heartache when she had always been the one to fix her again.

Carla slowly walked into the room, shutting the door behind her and gently sitting beside Michelle.

"Hey stranger." Carla already had tears brimming in her tired eyes. "'Chelle I'm so sorry. Really I am. I'm sorry for everything that's happened."

Michelle froze, shaking her head. "Carla-" For the first time in days, Michelle cried. She cried as though she couldn't stop, as though the world was ending. She thought it was. She let Carla pull her in as she cried too, trying her best to comfort her and yet feeling completely out of her comfort zone. She'd never seen Michelle in such a mess, and she could only imagine it was over the loss of her baby. She wanted to say things to comfort her but Carla knew there was nothing that would offer any form of comfort when faced with such a loss. So she just held her close, kissing her head as Michelle would have done if the situations were swapped. Like she had done when it had been.

Michelle held onto Carla as though she might disappear. She wanted to tell her, she longed to say the words and make her pain go away but she couldn't. She just couldn't say it. So she stayed quiet and stayed a coward. God she hated herself for it. Things were never going to be the same again.

Eventually Michelle pulled away and wiped her eyes quickly but she found Carla's hand and squeezed it. She wanted her to know she didn't blame her. Shit, even her thinking that was messed up. How could she blame her for losing her baby when there was no baby to lose any more? Her mind was all over the place. All she knew was that she had to say something, had to be sure that her and Carla's friendship was on the mend and that Carla loved and cared for her. Although even Michelle knew Carla would have a hard time forgiving her secret if it ever came out. And secrets that big did seem to have a way of coming out.

Both women looked up as the door banged open quickly and a flustered Peter rushed in, "God Carla there you are, are you okay?!"

Carla frowned slightly in confusion and nodded, standing up, "I'm fine Peter, what's the matter?"

Peter took her hand and and quickly pulled her closer, "I came to see you at the factory for lunch and they said you'd rushed off and not said where or why. Sorry love, I worried." His hand found the back of her neck and he placed a soft kiss to her forehead, his love so apparent.

Carla shook her head with a smile, "Don't be daft, it's fine baby. We're both okay." She loved the way he'd been with her every day since she'd let him back in. Peter had been so attentive and loving, constantly looking out for her and right now, she needed that desperately.

Peter held her against him and played with her hair, stroking it softly. Michelle felt a pang of jealousy as she watched them. She'd never seen someone look with as much love as Peter currently gave Carla. He was looking at her like she was the only person in the world, like she was his everything. His eyes never left her and Michelle could see he'd obviously been worried. She knew the pain he'd caused Carla had almost killed her and the thought of Steve feeling that way made her feel sick all over.

It gave her hope, that maybe she could come clean and her and Steve could get through it come and out even stronger, as Carla and Peter clearly had. Although she wondered if Steve loved her even half as much as Carla and Peter loved each other. Maybe it wouldn't be okay after all.

Peter kept Carla against him and smiled at Michelle. He wasn't aware of what had gone on between the two women today but he knew any extra stress or worry wasn't good for Carla or the baby and he wanted to get her home and look after her. She hadn't said anything, in fact she had said she'd been fine. But Peter knew her inside out and he knew she needed a chat, a sleep and a cuddle.

"Right I'm gonna take my wife home if you don't mind, Michelle. Feed her up a bit."

Michelle nodded with a faint smile, " Yeah course, no problem." What she wouldn't do for the love he was giving her. Not that Steve didn't love her but things had been incredibly hard recently and to be honest, she doubted he felt for her at all sometimes. Not that she deserved his love.

Carla blew Michelle a kiss and gave her a heartbreakingly guilty smile, "I'll be back okay? You know where I am. Love you." She let Peter lead her out and blew out a deep breath. Michelle was her best friend but the atmosphere in that room had been horrendous. "Take me home baby, I need a cuddle." And of course, that's exactly what Peter did.


	30. Chapter 30

_Chapter 30! Wow, thanks so much for sticking with me guys. Hope you enjoy! _

**_People always speculate, don't let it get in your way. See they say things they don't know. Wait til you see my smile. Wait til they see your smile._**

A couple of weeks had passed since Michelle's accident and their friendship was slowly repairing itself. It's difficult, Carla thinks, when things are going so well on the outside but on the inside things keep falling apart. During the day, she is doing better. When she wasn't at work she was laughing, joking, spending endless hours with Peter. Sometimes doing nothing, messing around. Other times talking about the baby and names and clothes and new houses and furniture and god it excited her. It made her feel on top of the world.

Night time was a different story. When she had cuddled up with Peter and he was sleeping soundly beside her, sleep would evade her. She was haunted by thoughts of what she had done and plagued with nightmares when she eventully did sleep. It terrified her, she was so sure she would be punished for causing Michelle to lose her baby. Would she lose her own again? She couldn't handle it. She knew, no matter how much she adored and loved Peter, if this baby didn't live, she wouldn't want to either and didn't think anything could change her mind.

Carla lay flat on hers and Peter's bed in just a bra as she tried to pull on her tight leather jeans, "Peter?" She called from the bedroom, still trying to get her jeans over her ever growing bump. "Baby!"

Peter appeared by the door, carrying two coffees and laughed as he looked down at her.

"Peter I'm fat." Carla mumbled, pouting up at him. Peter laughed more as he placed the two drinks on the beside table and perched beside her. "You're not fat love, you're just.. plump." He chuckled happily as Carla nudged him and gave him puppy dog eyes as she still pouted.

Peter chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I'm joking baby. You're not fat, you're pregnant. With our little bubba." Carla tried to pout but she couldn't help but smile, biting her lip. "Guess everyone's gonna know now aren't they? God I dunno if I'm ready for this Peter.."

Peter shook his head, laying down beside her now, "Eh you. Come on, course you are. Isn't it a nice change for people to have something good to talk about for a change?" He kissed Carla's bump softly as she nodded, "Yeah suppose you're right." She pulled herself up, looking in her wardrobe for some looser trousers, "Did you just admit I was right?!"

Carla threw her head back with a chuckle, "Yeah and if you ever repeat that I'll deny it Barlow."

Peter just smirked up at her as he sipped his drink, watching her dress in leggings and a tight blouse. It was the first time she'd really worn anything that accentuated her bump enough for the world to see. Now, it really was visible and all Peter could think was how amazing she looked. The last few months since being back around Carla had been a whirlwind and a complete mix of emotions but every time he woke up beside her, he thanked his lucky stars. Peter knew he wasn't perfect. He'd messed up before and he'd probably mess up again but deep inside, he knew he'd never do anything to intentionally hurt her again. He couldn't face going back to the world he'd had when she wasn't it it.

* * *

A while later, Carla took a deep breath as she stood outside the factory, slightly late, and prepared to go in. She could do this. This was no big deal, what did she care what they thought anyway? It was her life, hers and Peter's. If no one was happy for them then that was their problem and she really didn't care. Did she? Rolling her eyes at herself, she sighed softly and pushed the doors open with force, holding her head high as she walked in and purposely held her bump to draw attention to it.

The factory floor went silent and Carla stopped her stride to turn to face them, "Well, if you lot are gonna be this quiet all day I should have a baby more often." She watched them, and still they remained silent, surprised and shocked. Carla just laughed and shook her head, walking toward the office, "Alright, shows over, back to work, eh? Me and bump 'ave a lot to do." She headed into her office and shut the door behind her before leaning her back against it with a sigh. She didn't want to know what they had to say, she wasn't sure she could face it.

Carla threw herself into her work for the morning and worked through lunch, trying not to think about the current topic of conversation on the factory floor. She assumed it would all be only bad anyway and that was the last thing she needed. When her door knocked just after the staff returned from lunch, the last thing Carla expected was Fiz, Sean and a small crowd of the others standing in a huddle by the door with a large bunch of flowers and a card. "Sorry to interrupt Mrs Barlow, but we wanted to say congratulations to you both.." Fiz ventured in with the flowers and she could have sworn there were tears in Carla's eyes.

Carla swallowed back as she stood up, taking the flowers. "Well I weren't expecting that.. Um.. Thanks? Thank you all." She titled her head and gave them an honest smile, completely taken aback. As the staff made their way back to work and Carla sat at her desk, her flowers in front of her, she suddenly felt propelled into the past. This place, Paul and Liam's factory, it had been her constant in the last nine years. The people that had worked for her, with her, well most of them had stuck by her through thick and thin. Through hell and back. She guess she'd never really thought of it like that.

Standing up, Carla walked back out to the staff and stood by the stairs, clapping her hands, "Right you lot, listen up."

Sean looked up, intrigued and always the confident one, "Everything alright Mrs Barlow?"

Carla nodded, "Everythings fine, Sean I just wanted to say thanks for me flowers and and card and well-" She sighed, leaning against the stair bannister, "Look, we've been through a lot, you lot an' me, in't we, eh? A lot more than most bosses and their staff I assume." The staff listened, so intrigued by Carla's random speech and Carla clearly struggled with finding the right words, "Oh look, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you. You lot have stuck by me and this place in some rough times... Some really rough times and I hope you know your loyalty is, well it's really appreciated." She smiled softly now, "Take half a day on me." She put her hand up to stop questions, half turning back to the office, never one for grand gestures, "Yes you will still be paid and no, this baby isn't making me a soft touch. Now scoot, before I change my mind!"

As she made her way back to her seat, hand on her bump, Carla smiled. Maybe she wasn't as alone as she had always believed.


	31. Chapter 31

**_"I'm getting red in the face, y__ou can call me obsessed. __It's not your fault that they hover, __I mean no disrespect. __It's my right to be hellish. __I still get jealous, __'cause you're too sexy, beautiful a__nd everybody wants to taste. T__hat's why __I still get jealous."_**

Carla smiled to herself as she pulled on the new navy dress she had brought and straightened it up in the mirror. Before Peter and the baby, her view on life was completely different. She was all about looking beautiful and slim and attractive. Working hard in the gym for the perfect body because it made her feel good. At least, she thought it did. But as she stood in the mirror and ran her hands over her bump, she'd never felt better. She still wanted to look good and sometimes she felt self concious but her body was starting to change and she was okay with that. Especially as it meant her baby was growing and gaining in strength. Everyday was another day closer to meeting him or her and that was worth a few lumps and bumps.

Not that Carla had any. She was nearly five months pregnant and all anyone had told her in the last couple of weeks, since finding out, was how she was glowing. She looked on top of the world and maybe, she was. Her nightmares were starting to fade and when they did show up, Peter was around to calm her down and lull her back to sleep. Slowly, things with Michelle were repairing themselves and Carla was trying to put what she had done behind her. Or at least, what she thought she had done. She hadn't forgotten though, and every time she looked at Michelle, she thought she never would.

Carla finished her make up and loosely curled her hair, complementing her look with the necklace Peter had brought for Carla the first Christmas they had been intimately close. Eventually, she was ready to face the world and Michelle's hen do. She couldn't think of anything worse, completely sober with a gaggle of drunk, overenthusiastic women but how could she even consider saying no to Michelle. She owed her the world right now. Carla thought the evening might be slightly more bearable if she knew she'd be coming home to Peter but unfortunately for her, he was going on a lads night away with Steve and his stag party in a few hours and wouldn't be in bed waiting for her. She wouldn't see him now til they were at the church for the wedding. She guessed, if Peter could handle staying sober when surrounded with drunks, it was the least she could do. Carla hated knowing she couldn't curl up with him though, despite the fact Michelle would be staying instead. Peter was her safety and even though he was only going to be down the road in Leeds, she had to admit she would feel slightly lost.

* * *

Carla didn't have as awful a night as she was assuming she'd had, in fact she quite enjoyed herself. She actually enjoyed talking about girly things because for once, she had something to be positive about. Well, two things to be precise. One thing she had greatly enjoyed was how jealous Peter had been over her when he had joined them for a short time while waiting for Steve and the rest of the guys.

_Peter couldn't keep his eyes off her tonight, god he wished he could take her home and take that dress right back off her. She looked out of this world and she was well aware how crazy she was driving him. In fact, he knew she was playing on it too. Constantly pursing her lips or throwing her head back with her delicious giggle. It killed him. _

_He was also incredibly aware of the attention she was getting from others too, particularly from one bloke that didn't appear to be a regular. The stranger's eyes were all over every part of his wife and Peter thought it was pretty disrespectful seeing as she was clearly taken and clearly expecting. Although when she looked as good as she did tonight, he didn't think anything could put anyone off. Peter frowned softly when the suited and booted man made his way over and stood on the side of Carla that Peter wasn't occupying. Immediately, he stepped closer and snaked his arm around her, much to Carla's amusement and delight. _

_"Hello gorgeous. Don't think I've see you before." Jesus, even this man's voice was smooth. _

_Carla simply chuckled and shrugged, flashing her perfect side smile at the gentleman and sipping her vodka free lemonade. _

_"Can I get you another?" _

_Peter's hand was now rubbing her side and even Carla could feel the death stare he was throwing at the over friendly stranger. Carla shook her head with a amused smile, sipping her drink, "Thanks for the offer but I'm sure my hubby can stretch to buying me another lemonade. Ta anyway." Peter could swear her voice was huskier, sexier than ever tonight and she knew what that voice did to him. With a smirk, he nodded and watched as the man shrugged and ordered his own drink. _

_Carla turned to Peter with raised eyebrows and laughed, "Anyone would think you were jealous then, Peter." She twirled her straw around her glass with a grin. "Eh, I'm allowed to be. Look at ya!" He grinned cheekily, letting her know exactly what he was thinking and she chuckled, "Don't be so cheap, Barlow!" She loved it though, and he knew it. _

_"Besides," Peter said with a proud smile, "It's not jealousy when you're already mine. It's territorial." That got her. If they hadn't been in the middle of a heaving pub, she'd have had him there and then._

Michelle interrupted Carla's memory with a nudge, "Earth to Carla?!" She chuckled and Carla thought it was so nice to see her smile again. "Sorry love, I were miles away." Michelle shook her head and handed her another drink as she sat back down beside her, "Oooh, careful Michelle, don't want to get me too drunk, I can be a right liability after too many lemonades and ice." Carla spoke sarcastically but everyone knew she didn't care really. She was far too happy to.

A while later, when Michelle was verging on rather tipsy, Carla forced her up from the booth and wrapped her arm around her with a laugh. "Come on woman! It's way past this hermits bed time and you need to sober up before tomorrow!" She thankfully accepted an umbrella from Liz as the rain poured down outside the safety of the pub. Eventually they made it back to the warmth of Carla's flat with the endless amount of cases Michelle had packed. How much did one woman need for a wedding?

Michelle sank down into the safety of Carla's sofa and thankfully accepted the offer of a coffee. She hadn't meant to have drunk so much when she was getting married the next afternoon but truth was, she was terrified. She was doing a better job of hiding it now but that didn't mean her head wasn't shot to pieces. Michelle smiled up at Carla as she sat beside her and gratefully sipped her drink.

"Ready for this then?" Carla tucked her legs underneath herself with a content sigh, glad to be home.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I think." Michelle smiled before bringing her hand up to her mouth, "Shit, I left the paper with my vows in the pub!"

Carla rolled her eyes, "Bloody hell Michelle, you are useless!" She laughed though, "Guess I'll have to go get them, won't I. Where are they?" Michelle gave a her a kiss on the cheek in thanks, knowing she was in no state to walk on her own. "They're in a shoe box under me bed. On my side. Thanks Carla, I'm really sorry."

Carla just shook her head and pulled on her coat and shoes, although that took slightly longer these days. "Be five minutes!" She called and rushed back in the rain and across to the Rovers, making her way to Michelle's bedroom. With a sigh she strategically knelt on the floor and rummaged with her hands to find the box Michelle was talking about. Giving a triumphant mumble Carla pulled it out and pulled the lid off, looking for the pieces of paper that Michelle had written her vows on but something else caught her attention first. Carla picked up the leaflet and ran her fingers over the front.

She thought she was imagining it, reading it wrong, but the way her heart sank told her it was true.

Suddenly, she didn't feel like celebrating.


	32. Chapter 32

**_Band-aids don't fix bullet holes, you say sorry just for show. If you live like that, you live with ghosts._**

Carla let her legs give way and sank down onto her bottom, her eyes not leaving the leaflet in her hand. Surely not? The lump in her throat told her she knew what was coming but Carla carefully opened the after abortion leaflet and Michelle's information fell out, detailing the dates and times of her abortion and what to expect after. The same day of her fall, that very morning, Michelle had had a termination. She'd killed the baby that she had blamed Carla for losing. How could anybody be so cruel, how could her best friend do that?

She quickly shoved the papers in her coat pocket and jumped up, running down and out of the pub with her hand to her mouth, feeling sick all over again. She made it outside and onto the street, just looking around in complete disbelief, her hand still up by her mouth. Carla was never one for soppy, never keen on big grand gestures but Michelle, well she adored her. They'd been through everything together and in the end, Michelle turned out to be the one person she could always rely on, always there for her to fall back on. So she'd always believed anyway.

Carla sat down on the bench in the rain and grabbed her phone, dialling Peter's name and praying he'd answer. Eventually, he did.

"Peter?" Her voice was strained, stressed, hurt. "Sorry, I just needed to talk to you.."

Peter struggled to hear her over the noise of the heaving bar and tried to move to find a quieter corner, "Checking up on me love?" He didn't mean it horribly, in fact he'd probably have been the same but he was having a rubbish night and all he wanted was to escape the smell of booze and curl up in bed.

"What? No! I just wanted a chat that's all!"

"Making sure I've not had a drink?" He was half joking, not knowing the turmoil she was going though but Carla didn't see it like that. She saw red, shaking her head angrily, "Oh you know what Peter, forget it. You can go to 'ell an' all." She hung up and ran a hand through her now wet-through hair. She left Peter staring confused at his phone, completely unaware of what Carla had recently found out and the feelings she was experiencing. He tried to phone again but of course she screened his calls, not in the mood anymore.

Realising she was shivering and that a storm was no place for a pregnant woman, Carla eventually stood up and headed back to her flat with no plan of how to confront Michelle who waited back in the warmth of Carla's living room.

Carla let herself in and headed straight for her kitchen. She didn't acknowledge Michelle on her arrival, didn't even look at her as she rummaged in the cupboard and found an old bottle of wine hiding at the back. She pulled it out and then searched in her drawers for a corkscrew.

"Don't come any closer, Michelle." She finally looked at her as she heard her confused footsteps approaching, pointing an angry finger at her as she warned her away. Michelle stopped still, weary and nervous of Carla's sudden anger.

"I'm not gonna drink it." She didn't care to reassure Michelle, she more wanted her to know as she couldn't handle anyone thinking she would do that to her unborn baby. "It helps to open them sometimes." She mumbled as she pulled the cork out and held her bottle between her hands, still on the counter, swallowing back.

"I know." Carla's voice was almost deadly low.

"Know what Carla?" She knew exactly what she was talking about.

"That you killed my brothers baby." Carla stayed exactly where she was but she could already see tears glistening in Michelle's eyes. She tried to tell herself she didn't care.

"It was Rob's wasn't it? I mean, that's why you got rid of it, in't it? Steve would have realised it couldn't have been his so it was the only thing you could do, right?"

When Michelle didn't answer Carla almost screamed, "RIGHT MICHELLE?" At Michelle's teary nod, she continued, "And then when you came here to tell me, I pushed you off of me and you fell. I suppose you didn't plan it but hey, 10 points for grabbing your opportunity while you could!" Carla walked towards her now and Michelle almost cowered away.

She didn't speak, couldn't. She couldn't defend her actions when there was nothing defendable about them. She hated herself for it. "You, you held me when I lost my little girl. You watched me fall apart, how could you kill a baby because of your own selfish mistakes? Kill your baby and then risk me losing mine again. You know what that would have done to me, didn't ya? But you didn't care as long as Michelle was okay."

Carla stood in front of her, "And you have the nerve to call me selfish. Paul and Liam would be disgusted in you. You don't deserve to even have the same name as them!" Both women were crying now but Carla couldn't stop herself, couldn't stop her harsh words because she felt a need for Michelle to feel how she was feeling, how agonising it was.

"You're gonna take your stuff and you're gonna get out of my flat and out of my life. Get married, do what the hell you want but you better hope Rob never finds out because he'll kill ya. I swear, he'd bloody kill you Michelle. He's not one to be messed with anymore. You get out and you don't come back, because you're nothing to me, to my family. You've done me a favour." Carla folded her arms in front of her and turned away as she spoke. She knew her eyes would betray her lies, she knew they'd let Michelle know how much she really did care. "Least now I don't have to pretend to want you around. You were just a way to feel close to your brothers, nothing more and nothing less. Now get out."

Carla didn't look at Michelle still but she didn't need to. She knew exactly the look at would be across her face because her own face was mirroring it. She knew how deep those words would hit her. Words always were the Connor's most harmful weapon. She may not ever have been a Connor by blood and she was no longer a Connor by name but she would always be a Connor by nature. She heard Michelle scurrying to grab her stuff through her tears and of course she heard her whispering her apologies and her love yous over and over but she didn't turn around. Not until Michelle had left and she turned to the door, grabbing the photo frame of her and Michelle and throwing it against the door, sobbing as she watched it smash and fall to the floor, just like their friendship.

Michelle was gone, Peter wasn't around and she was all alone, with only a new heartache and a tempting bottle of wine for company.


	33. Chapter 33

_Thank you so much for your generous reviews and pms! I'm sorry if I havent replied, I'm so rubbish at remembering to, I always forget! But you're all amazing and please keep your thoughts and opinions coming_

**_When you feel my heat, look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide. Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide_**

Carla made her way to the kitchen on her hands and knees, still crying and obviously in no state to be alone. She wondered whether her phone would be ringing if it was switched on. She wondered whether Peter was thinking about her or if he, like most others would, had put it out of his mind to sort another day.

Carla reached up and grabbed the open bottle of wine, holding it in her hands as she sank back down to the floor. She didn't think she'd felt like this in such a long time. Not since Peter and the baby and her life was almost fixing itself again. Almost, but not quite apparently. She breathed in the smell of the thing she was so used to turning to for comfort and oh she longed to drink it all. To drown herself in a misery and forget everything for a while. Drink was not the answer but at least if she drunk enough she could forget the question. Just forget it all.

Carla groaned as she pulled herself up and stood by the sink, her tears still not yet having subsided. She wouldn't put the bottle down, couldn't. She needed it, longed for it but god, she longed for her baby more. "God!" Carla threw the bottle into the sink and watched as it smashed and the red liquid seeped away. She looked down at her stomach and placed her hands on her bump, "God why do I love you so much already. Fuck." Carla pushed her hair from her face and forcefully wiped her eyes.

She felt out of control. Her whole life centered around something she had no control over and she was finding it so very hard. Taking a deep breath she realised she had to do whatever she could to keep this baby safe and that meant holding it together. Holding herself together no matter how much she longed to fall apart. She was good at that. Good at falling apart, she'd had enough practice. She didn't feel quite as skilled at holding it together but she figured now was a good enough time to start trying.

It was hard though, especially being on her own. She could have gone to Peter but he was miles away and probably pissed at her for the way she was acting. He was probably sick of her by now anyway. Damaged goods. Carla bet this was what pushed him to another woman the first time. She would talk to Rob but their relationship was far from solid and he'd probably make her feel worse before he would even think about making her better. Then there was Michelle, but of course that wasnt an option. Her best mate and probably someone who'd hurt her more than almost anyone. The entire reason she felt how she did.

That left one person. If Carla hadn't pulled her coat on and headed to the long closed cafe and the sanctuary of her friends house, if she had stayed ten more minutes, she would have been around when Peter arrived home to look after her.

* * *

The next morning, Peter was sat on the sofa with his head in his hands, worried out of his mind. Carla hadn't taken her phone, Michelle wouldn't answer his calls and all that remained was a smashed photo frame and fragments of a broken bottle of wine. Had she drunk it? Were she and the baby in trouble? He hadnt slept all night and he was meant to be getting ready for his and Carla's best friends wedding. Instead he was refusing to move out of fear and worry.

A long while later as Peter stood buttoning his shirt, he heard keys in the door and turned to see Carla letting herself in, looking exactly how he felt.

"Jesus Carla I've been worried sick! Where the hell have ya been?!"

Carla was surprised to see him, frowning in confusion. She could see he'd cleaned up and she was thankful not to have to think about the mess she had been the previous night. "Shouldn't you be with Steve?"

Peter stepped closer to her. He wanted to be angry, he should be. But when his eyes looked at hers and saw the state she was in, he just couldn't bring himself to be. "What's happened with you love?" His voice was so soft, so caring, it made her skin goosebump, "I- I didn't drink it you know.." She knew he would know what she meant and he nodded in relief as he cupped her cheek. "Come on, come here." Peter's hand on the back of her neck pulled her against him and she didn't even try to resist his comfort anymore. He longed for her to open up and tell him what was bothering her but he knew better than to push. So he just held her close as Carla cried away her hurt and buried her face away from the world in Peter's chest.

Eventually, Carla pulled away, wiping her eyes with the back if her hand, "sorry for worrying ya.. I didn't know you were coming back." She offered him an exhausted smile and he simply shook his head, Peter knew she'd explain when she felt able. Carla wasn't good with words, she never had been and he knew her well enough to understand that it just took her time to find the right ones.

"I'm not going by the way." She mumbled as she threw her coat over the sofa and kicked her trainers off. She was still in the dress from the night before but it didn't have the same feeling anymore. It felt tainted and so did she. Part of her wished she hadn't found out Michelle's dirty little secret because everything was finally settling. Now she knew there'd be hell to pay. Carla felt like she was going to make sure of that.

Peter sighed but nodded, already assuming it was Michelle related. Most of their problems were at the moment. "You know I 'ave to, don't ya?" Carla just pursed her lip with a nod. She probably should tell him, she probably should tell Steve and Rob but she wasn't going to. She wasn't in any fit state to cause such a war in that moment but she knew when she felt up to it, all hell would break loose. Michelle wouldn't get away with it. She was goin to hurt like Carla did.

"Tell Steve I said good luck. Poor blokes gonna need it."

* * *

Peter had left Carla sleeping, almost in a settled state, on the sofa when he left for the wedding. He'd run her a bath and made her eat before he went and she looked as though she was feeling slightly more human again. She'd even managed a small smile, which made Peter's heart swell every time.

He wasn't expecting to see her until that evening, he'd planned on making an early exit from the reception to take her to bed and look after her properly. This was the last place he wanted to be, away from her, surrounded by drink and the centre of attention fully on someone he felt an unease to be around now. Considering it was her wedding, the bride had never looked so unhappy.

Carla's arrival to the pub made heads turn, especially Peter's but none more than Michelle's. Everyone had discussed why she might not be there, at her best friends wedding and the intrigue was driving them crazy. The look on her face face told Peter they were all about to find out, including him and her words in the almost silent pub conformed that.

"There she is, the woman of the day. Hello Michelle, miss me?"


	34. Chapter 34

_Your reviews are amazing as always, thank you! They mean the world and I'm glad you're all enjoying still._

**_Maybe I am just not enough. You've made me realise my deepest fear, by lying and tearing us up_**

Carla slowly made her way over to the bar, her eyes never leaving Michelle. "What's the matter, darlin'? Cat got your tongue?" Carla was good at this, acting confident when she felt like cowering away. The anger bubbling away in her stomach kept her going though, it told her she had to get this out to ever move on.

"Are you drunk Carla?" Sean asked from the other side of the bar, almost cautiously but not nastily. He always had cared about Carla, he might like a gossip as much as the next person, more so, but he didn't want to see his boss make a fool out of herself.

Carla's head snapped to look at him and she glared, her voice low, "No I am not Sean." Her eyes were soon back on Michelle's. "See, Seany, I really love this baby. I mean I really love it." She spoke as though she wasn't in a crowed room of almost everyone she had grown to know in the last 9 years. She spoke as if she didn't realise they were all hanging on her every word, jumping at the chance for some drama from such a fiercely private woman. She didn't look at them, only Michelle, her back to most of them and to Peter who kept his eyes firmly on his wife, ready to protect her if needed, "I know most of you lot think I'm some kind of monster but all I've ever wanted is to be loved and to love. You know? Just like you lot. I'm not that different. But most of you never even bothered to get to know me. Eh, not that I care." Carla took a deep breath. No one knew where this outburst was going and in all honesty, neither did she.

"I've done alright for myself, I think. I think I do a pretty good job of picking meself up, but some things you just don't recover from. That's the thing when you lose someone." For the first time, Carla turned around, looking at them all. She tried not to falter, to stumble. She just wanted her say and she wanted everyone to know she was not always the bad one. "It's not saying goodbye that's the hardest. It's adjusting to life without them. It's trying to fill that void of emptiness they leave you with. And there's no escape, no button to press to make you forget those feelings or the memories. You just have to kill yourself missing them everyday until you don't. But I don't think that day ever comes, when you don't miss someone who was snatched from you. I just don't."

Carla's eyes glazed over as she caught Peter's watchful look but she quickly regained herself, turning back to Michelle, "You know all about that, don't you 'Chelle. Having people taken from you.." Carla just nodded when she obviously received no response. "I were there when Michelle's first husband died. He was a good kid Dean, he 'ad a heart of gold. It's always the best ones though innit? And well most of you lot were there when her brothers died. My 'usband.. Liam. She were there for me when I needed her back then. She were there when we lost our Hayles. When I lost my little girl." She could see the look of desperation, true heartache and terror on Michelle's face and it nearly killed her but there was no going back now. She needed everyone to know.

"She's a good girl our 'Chelle, in't she? I think she would have been a good wife an all, Steve... If she hadn't shagged my brother." Carla felt the tension in the room instantly. Well it was out now, no hiding. She couldn't tear her eyes from Michelle, watching as her hand was by her mouth, shaking her head desperately. Carla just continued, ignoring the whispers around her, "She slept with my baby brother and then she killed his baby." She could feel all eyes on her and she felt sick, but she felt relieved too, almost free of something killing her inside.

"Oh and did I mention, instead of telling me about the abortion, she let me think, no 'ang on, she actually told me, that I had caused a miscarriage." Carla tapped her hand once on the bar, signalling to everyone with her head at Michelle, "And that, everybody, is my best mate. Who needs enemies, eh?" With one last glance around, Carla walked out, leaving the entire street in a shocked state and chaos ready to erupt as her footsteps echoed around them.

* * *

As she stepped outside and onto the street, free from the constraints of the pub, Carla finally breathed again. She didn't even want to imagine what was going on back in there but she had hoped she'd feel better after sharing. She didn't, she felt just as bad as Michelle. She hated her. Michelle had dragged her down to her own level and now she had been the one to cause pain and upset.

Bending down, she picked up a stone and held it in her hands. She thought how it would feel, as she looked up at the window, to throw it and smash the glass, letting it shatter into Michelle's room along with the rest of her life. She imagined it might feel exhileraring, freeing.

When she heard footsteps, Carla assumed it would be Peter but as she looked up, she saw the last person she was expecting.

"You don't wanna do that. Trust me." Carla looked from Leanne to the stone and then up at the window before throwing it back to the floor with an annoyed sigh, rubbing her hands on her trousers, "Good choice."

Carla looked across at her, her eyes saying everything she wasn't. Her damned eyes always betrayed her and she quickly remembers Liam telling her her eyes were like a window to her soul without any curtains. She almost smiles. "Where's Peter?" She feels weird asking his ex wife that but she doesn't know what else to say.

"I asked him to give us a minute."

Carla frowned, confused, "Why Leanne?"

Leanne shrugged, watching the older woman in front of her, someone she used to tell everything to, "I dunno to be honest, Carla, I just- was all that back there true?" At Carla's small nod and sniffle, Leanne blew out a breath and slightly shook her head, her hands in her coat pocket, "Wow. Poor Steve."

Carla let her eyes linger over the Rovers and thought about the emotions that would be thrown around in there as everything sunk in. She'd really ruined Michelle's life, she didn't know if this was something you could ever recover from and suddenly, she felt a bit sick.

"You think I'm a bitch don't you. For doing it like that, on his wedding night, in front of everyone."

Leanne sighed, "I think you could have been a bit more tactful. Then again, subtle never was your thing."

Carla scoffed, "That coming from an ex prostitute."

She looked up at her and they both gave a small chuckle. When was the last time she had laughed with Leanne? Although the state of them, an ex hooker and a homewrecker more than once over, standing on a cold street awkwardly making conversation really was almost laughable.

"Look, Carla I just came out to say... Carla you'd be an idiot to let this push you back to square one. What you said in there, no one thinks you're a monster. I used to. I mean I could have literally killed you with my bare hands at one point." Carla raised her eyebrows, "I'd like to see you try, Battersby." She shuffled her feet on the floor, not looking as Leanne just laughed, "I'm happy now, with Kal and Si's happy and I guess it wouldn't be so bad for you and Peter to be 'appy an all. Don't mess it up this time, not when for once in your life, most of that lot are fighting your corner and you've got a lot to smile about." Leanne shrugged, not even sure why she was saying all this. Something Carla had said in the Rovers had really struck a chord with her, after everything they had been through. She didn't even think she hated the woman anymore, and maybe this was tiny step in the right direction.

She slowly turned to walk away, leaving Carla with a million thoughts buzzing around her head. "Let Peter in, Carla. And just remember what it felt like when you lost Liam and Paul. Michelle's been an idiot but there might be a way through it. Anyway, it's good for the soul." She called as she walked back towards the Rovers and Carla frowned, calling back, "What is?"

Leanne just smiled, "Forgiveness."


	35. Chapter 35

**_Every night you cry yourself to sleep, thinking: "Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" Hard to believe it, it's not over tonight_**.

As soon as Leanne disappeared, Peter was out of the double doors of the Rovers and in front of Carla. He was terrified she'd push him away, not let him in. They'd come so far but Peter knew it'd take many more months of building up their foundations before they felt less fragile. Thankfully, he was ready to catch her as Carla almost fell against him in desperation and he held her tightly against his chest, gratefully even. He stroked his hands through her hair and pushed her face against his neck in a small attempt to settle her while shushing and whispering lovingly.

"Peter I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault." Carla's voice sounded as broken as Peter was sure he'd ever heard it and in that moment he felt nothing but hatred for the brunette barmaid come heart breaker back inside the pub. "I know love, I know it wasn't." He places soft kisses to her head before pulling back slightly but keeping her tucked into his side, "Come on you, let's get you home, eh?" Carla just nodded slightly and let him lead her back, knowing she wasn't in any state to look after herself and Peter being all she needed right then. All she ever needed.

Back in the comfort of their home, Peter took her straight through to the bedroom and sat her on the edge of the bed. He knelt in front of her, giving her a look of nothing but love as he slowly undressed her. Carla's eyes fluttered shut and for the first time in a long couple of days, she felt loved again. She let her walls come tumbling down for him as a few tears dribbled down her tired face but Peter stopped them with a tender stroke with the pads of this thumbs across her soft cheeks. Tonight, he vowed to himself to be the perfect husband and that's just what he did.

Peter slipped one of his tops over her Carla's naked body and smiled as he placed a kiss on the swell of her tummy. He climbed up and left her sitting silently for a moment. When he returned, Carla was surprised as he knelt again and ever so gently began to remove her make up. She wasn't sure anyone had ever made her so naked and uncontrolled before when the reason behind it wasn't sex and she knew that no one had ever done this. It made her love him even more and she hadnt believed that was possible in the last few years.

Carla let her hands rest on Peters thighs after he had moved to sit behind her on their bed, her sitting between his legs. He still hadn't spoken and neither had she, neither of them wanting to ruin the quiet perfectness of their shared intense moment. She let out a soft breath as Peter carefully dragged a brush through her hair, repeating the loving action until it was soft and knot free and then moving her locks to one side. Carla's mumbles broke their silence as Peter placed gentle kisses to the side of her neck and his hands wrapped around her and under his top she wore, resting on her bump.

"I can't wait for Monday my love." Peter whispered, his lips and warm breath tickling Carla's neck as he did his best to distract her, "finding out if my beautiful wife is giving me a son or a daughter."

Carla smiled, a real genuine smile again and nodded so slightly, "I can't wait either baby." She let her hand rest on Peters and her fingers rubbed his softly, "I can't wait to feel her. Or him. Y'know for the first time." Carla was sure she was having a girl but she hadn't shared this with anyone, even Peter. Truth was she didn't know if it was because of the little girl she had lost, but even so, the thought of that connection warmed her heart.

"Theres a something I want to do, Peter. Before baby comes." Carla hadn't shared this idea with him yet and she hoped he would be opposed to the idea or think it strange. She felt his nod against her as he placed kisses to her skin still, just adoring her and wanting to take her mind of the recent events even just for the night and the next day they could talk practically. "Okay sweetheart, what is it?"

Carla breathed heavily and closed her eyes briefly, nervous suddenly. She found it easier to talk with not having to look at Peter but her grip on his hands tightened slightly.

"I want-" She sighed, having no clue where to start. "When we were kids, well teenagers I suppose, me, Lee, Paul, Dean." Carla swallowed back, "Michelle.. We 'ad this place we'd always 'ang out. It were in the back of this park in the woods and we were always there, drinking and getting up to mischief usually." A faint, fond smile traced Carla's lips. "We all carved our names on this huge tree and sometimes Chelle and I used to still go, y'know? To feel close to them. Silly I know.."

Peter shook his head and trailed his kisses to Carlas ear, making her eyes close in content again, "It's not silly at all love. Carry on.."

Carla squeezed his hands gratefully, "I were 'oping we could put something there for our baby. Our first baby." He could hear her voice change and the pain become even more evident, "A sign or something. Just for me and you, something to remember.. not that we could ever forget or that or, god I don't know, it were just a daft idea and I 'ad when I read a poem that.. that Chelle sent me." Peter's kisses had stopped and Carla inwardly panicked she had said the wrong thing. She didn't know what to do or if what she had suggested was wrong, she was out of her depth in the situation of losing her baby and she just wanted something to show she had been loved and remembered.

"Carla I think that's a perfect idea." Peter whispered honestly, "I think they'll all be looking after her wherever they are, eh?" He nuzzled his face against her skin as she tried her best to fight her tears. She didn't want to cry any longer, she wanted this to be a positive thing, a memorial. "What was the poem love? Maybe we could have that written on something with her name, hmm?" He asked because he knew whatever it was had struck a chord with her and we wanted to do anything he could in order to make her happy.

Carla smiled lightly at his reaction, eternally grateful for the realisation that he had craved and mourned this baby as much as she had. She remembered the poem by heart now, she had read it enough, "You never said I'm leaving, you never said goodbye, you were gone before I knew it and only god knew why." Peter listened intently, feeling everything Carla was feeling just as much as her, "A million times I've needed you, a million times I've cried. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still, in my heart you hold a place that no one could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day god took you home."

Carla breathed out and bit her lip, almost proud of herself for holding back her emotions but as she turned to Peter and saw his face awash with pain and small sobs escaping him, she thought she would break down. Instead, she turned to him properly and held him against her chest. She realised then that she had hardly given him a chance to morn their daughter and that though it was heartbreaking, it bonded them closer than ever. She held him tight, and comforted him, grateful for his protection and distraction from what had happened that night and loving him and their baby more than ever.


	36. Chapter 36

_Hi everyone! Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been away for a week. Hope you enjoy and ill be updating my other stories too. Keep your amazing reviews coming as always! X_

**_I won't give up on us, god knows I'm tough enough. We got a lot to learn, lady you're worth it_**

Peter stood outside the bookies, leaning against the wall with a sigh. This was the last place he wanted to be. He wanted to be at home, looking after his wife and their unborn baby, making her smile again however briefly. But of course she had insisted on working the next day like nothing had happened. Like her best friend hadn't betrayed and humiliated her after years of friendship and love. He was just counting his lucky stars it was Friday and soon the weekend would be upon them and they could spend some time alone together. He could try and fix her.

As Peter flicked his fag out he looked up to see Michelle leaving the Rovers with a handful of bags and red raw eyes. He made his way over to her quickly, "oi Michelle, I want a word with you." She didn't even look at him. Couldn't. "How could you? Do you know the state she's in? She's meant to be your best mate, Michelle." Peter could see the tears in her eyes as she tried to hurry up, "Don't Peter, please just don't." He walked beside her still, incandescent with anger, "Oh don't play the pity card Chelle, it won't wash with me. You 'ad the nerve to take the high road with me, at least I owned up to what I did, at least I didn't make it her fault! She cried herself to sleep last night, Michelle. She's at work, pregnant with our baby and she's a mess. I hope you're happy."

Michelle looked up at the factory and chocked back a sob, shaking her head quickly as she headed away from the street, "I do care about her Peter. I do, I love her. Please tell her that." Before Peter had a chance to respond Michelle rushed off and away from him, heading somewhere neither of them knew where.

* * *

Later that evening, Carla let her head lull back with an exhausted sigh as she sat in her leather chair at work. It was gone six but she couldn't face going home. It wasn't that she didn't want to see Peter, but she was too tired and sad to eat or speak or think properly anymore. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She rolled her eyes as her phone rang for the second time in as many minutes and an unknown number appeared on the screen again. This time she answered, just wanting whoever was hassling her to leave her in peace.

"Hello?"

"Hello is that Ms Connor?"

Carla sighed, "It's Mrs Barlow now but yes, speaking."

"Sorry Mrs Barlow, I'm calling from Weatherfield general hospital." The polite woman had her full attention now as Carla sat forward, listening intently, "We had Michelle Connor admitted this afternoon and we're unable to contact her next of kin, a Mr Steve Mcdonald. You're titled as an emergency contact and we needed to let you know we think you should come down, if possible."

Carla swallowed back, she didn't want to ask the next question when she was sure she already knew the answer, "What's happened to her?"

Carla could hear the tone of the woman's voice changing before she even spoke, "Miss Connor was found unconcious in a car we believe she had hired this morning. She had large amounts of alcohol and another substance in her blood-" there was a pause that Carla could swear went on forever, "The car was crashed into tree and, I'm sorry Mrs Barlow but we don't believe it was accidentially. We'd really like you to come in so we can talk in person."

The world seemed to stop for a moment and subconsciously, Carla's hand fell to her bump as she rubbed her hand along it soothingly, protectively. She shook her head, "No, god, no.. is, is she okay?"

"Im really sorry Mrs Barlow, I think you should get here as soon as possible. I'm so sorry love."

Carla couldn't even answer, she couldn't move. She didn't know how to respond. She let her mobile fall to the desk and forced herself to take a deep breath. She hated Michelle, she hated her with every inch of her but god she loved her so very much. She wasn't sure she'd cope if she lost her too, not like this, not this way. Please, not this way. She couldn't shake the image from her mind of Michelle broken and bruised in a crashed car, her fear and desperation, the hopelessness she must have felt.

Carla knew what she'd have been thinking as she drank the ridiculous amount of alcohol, maybe swallowing tablets as she had done herself. She knew she'd have been reliving all the cruel words people had thrown at her. She'd be replaying horrible memories over and over and telling herself it was her fault and she deserved it. It was her fault, Carla knew, but she didn't deserve this. Her Michelle, the one who'd, until recently, stuck by her through thick and thin, she didn't deserve this ending.

As she grabbed her things and made her way to the hospital, still in a daze, Carla was already blaming herself. She should have been there more in the last few months, she should have seen the signs that she wasn't happy, that something wasn't right. Maybe then she wouldn't have thrown herself at Rob and sent herself into a downwards spiral. Maybe then she wouldn't be fighting for her life, a life she had tried to end.

As she speeded through the Manchester roads towards the hospital, Carla's mind raced with terrified thoughts, scared what she would face when she finally reached Michelle.

What felt like hours later, Carla rushed into the hospital and to the icu which the person she had spoken to told her to head towards. She pushed the doors open with force and looked around for someone to speak to. But before a nurse could approached her, Carla caught sight of Michelle and stood still in horror, her hand up to her mouth as she felt sick to her stomach. Michelle lay unconcious, attached to wires and machines that beeped every so often. Her body was covered in cuts and bruises and Carla thought she looked so broken and fragile.

Carla dragged her eyes away from the window and looked up at the nurse as she explained the situation. She leaned against the wall to hold herself up when the sorrowful nurse told her to prepare for the worse, telling her the machines were practically keeping Michelle alive currently but they were monitoring for any signs of improvement. Eventually, Carla braved entering the room and slowly, almost scared, she approached Michelle's bed. "'Chelle.." She whispered, as if expecting a response. When of course nothing came, she sank down into the seat beside her and held her bruised hand, crying softly. "God you're a flaming idiot Michelle Connor. Look at the state of ya."

As she sat beside her oldest friend, Carla thought of the many previous times she's faced this situation. She remembers crying over Paul's already cold body and watching, numb, from afar as they carried Liam away. She hadn't got to say goodbye to either of them and that chance had been taken from her again. With both Liam and Paul, the last words they had shared had been angry, hurtful. And now she faced the same fate with Michelle. She may never get to tell her that she would forgive her, that they could overcome it.

Michelle may never get to meet Carla's first child, never get to find out if it was a boy or a girl, never get to choose pretty clothes and give advice when the sleepless nights started. She would miss it all, just like her brothers. Carla would give anything for this not to end the same fateful way. No matter how much Michelle had hurt her, she still needed her. She really, really needed her best friend. If only she could tell her that.

If only everything was okay again.


	37. Chapter 37

**_Should I? Should I? Maybe I'll get drunk again, I'_****_ll be drunk again, I'll be drunk again to feel a little love. All by myself, I'm here again, all by myself, you know I'll never change. All by myself._**

Carla barely left Michelle's bedside in the few days she'd been lifeless in hospital and therefore neither had Peter. He'd been Carla's rock, unable to tear himself away from his wife when she was in such a heartbreaking way.

He lay with her now, on the tiny single bed the hospital had provided in Michelle's private room. Carla lay with her back curled up into his chest and her head tucked under his chin. Her hands lay on his over her bump. She'd cried herself to sleep countless times over the weekend and this was always the way they ended up. Peter would never move, barely shuffling from his position until she woke and he could comfort her all over again. Sometimes she needed kisses and cuddles and attention, other times she needed silence, space or random conversations. Whatever Carla needed, Peter would provide it. He wanted her to know he was in this for the long run this time.

Peter was quickly learning what she needed and when she needed it. He felt like they were finally getting back to the beginning, to when they knew each other without saying a word.

"Simon's learnt another song on that guitar y'know love." Peter whispered, talking about random things as he sensed her need for a distraction. Her need to think about anything other than the woman fighting for her life beside the. He held her so close in the single bed, his arms still around her from behind.

Carla gave a faint smile, grateful for the distraction, her eyes not leaving Michelle's lifeless body though, "What was it?" She liked to talk about Simon, their relationship had grown stronger in the last year and she was gratefully accepting his willingness to bond. He'd been talking about wanting to learn an instrument for months now and Carla couldn't help but be the one to provide it, taking any chance to strengthen their friendship.

Peter chuckled as he began to half sing a song Simon had been playing, "Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes. But it's the only thing that I know, when it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes, it is the only thing that makes us feel alive." Carla's smile grew slightly, as she listened, stroking his hand, listening as Peter kept singing.

Perer looked down as he heard Carlas quiet voice, joining in with him, her voice so quiet and whispery, "so you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans. Holdin' me closer, til our eyes meet, you won't ever be alone." They both stopped and gave the quietest chuckle, Carla's eyes squeezing shut, taking a moment to enjoy a moment of small pleasure.

"Eh, I didn't have you down as an Ed Sheeran kinda girl." Peter joked softly, kissing her hair as his own eyes closed, breathing her in. He opened his eyes again as he heard her singing a different song, watching in awe, "I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a logo house. If things go wrong we can knock it down." She slowly shuffled in his arms and turned so she faced him, looking up as her hand cupped his cheek, "and out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now." She smiled ever so lightly and Peter shook his head, looking down, "After all this time, you still never fail to surprise me.." he whispered, tucking a stay strand of hair behind her ear. Carla just smiled lightly, "I always told ya darlin', I'm a woman of mystery."

For a few moments, they weren't in a hospital, they weren't in a mess. They were two humans with a love and a connection and a bond and something they just couldn't explain. They were a man and a woman, a husband and his wife, sharing so much by saying so little. Eventually though, that moment had to end. "Love, we really should get going to that scan soon, eh?" He spoke almost tentitively, worried for her response and rightly so. Carla pulled herself up, wrapping her arms around herself as she stood by Michelle's bed, "I told you, I'm not going. I'm not leaving her Peter."

Peter sighed, "Carla you know how important these scans are, they need to keep an eye on you and baby. Come on, we'll only be an hour!" He slowly made his way to her his hands on her sides, "We can find out if we're having a boy or a girl and you can come back and tell her all about it. She'd like that sweetheart.." he kissed her neck gently but Carla pushed his hands away, "She won't like it, Peter. She won't like it because she won't understand because she can't hear us because she's in a coma." She wasn't looking at him but her voice told him so much, he hated the anger she showed towards him when all he longed to do was make things better.

"Carla please darlin', I'm beggin' ya, just one hour for our baby and you can come straight back.. Please" he pulled her to look at him, his eyes pleading with her.

"I said no. I'm not leaving her, I'm staying here til.. til she wakes up."

Peter looked to Michelle and then to Carla, "And what if she doesn't wake up, Carla? What then?" He hadnt meant that in the way Carla had obviously taken it but his hand held the cheek she had just forcefully slapped, her eyes glaring at him, "Don't you dare. Don't say that. Just because you've given up on her, doesn't mean I have. She didn't give up on me when I were in 'ere, now it's my turn."

Peter forced himself to stay calm, knowing this wasn't Carla's fault and that emotions were running high right now, "Carla I hated her for what she did to you but that doesn't mean I've given up on her, you're not being fair. I'm really trying here, I'm trying for you and for our baby. For us."

Carla just turned back to Michelle, not even looking at him as she just fussed over Michelle, pointlessly sorting her blankets, "She's made a mistake but she's never given up on me, not really. I need to be here."

"Like I did you mean? Fuck, nothing is ever enough for you is it! I've messed up in the past, I've been an idiot but you're the god damn love of my life and I am trying to be there for you, stop pushing me away!"

When Carla didn't answer, Peter just shook his head, "You know what Carla, I give up. I do, I give up. Stay with her, do what you like. I'm tired of being treated like this. I've got feelings an all, but they seem to be pretty unimportant these days." He pushed the doors of the hospital room open before Carla could respond and left her alone as she sunk to the floor beside Michelle, crying to herself in the silent room.

Peter kicked a chair in frustration as he made his way out of the hospital, his mind crazy with thoughts. He headed for a walk, far away from the hospital and from Carla, but not before he made a stop at a shop, purchasing a bottle of whiskey without hesitation.

If Carla wouldn't be his comfort, if Carla would keep pushing him away, rejecting him, at least alcohol wouldn't.


	38. Chapter 38

_Sorry for the lack of updates, struggling with writing recently. I hope you're still enjoying this, please keep your reviews coming, I love your views! _

**_I'm hurting, baby, I'm broken down, I need your loving, loving, I need it now. When I'm without you I'm something weak. You got me begging, begging, I'm on my knees... When I'm without ya, I'm so insecure. You are the one thing, I'm living for._**

Peter sat on the grass of the common, leaning against a tree and holding the open bottle of whiskey. The poison swirled around in the bottle as he held it, reminding him of everything he'd lost because of it in the past, everything he stood to lost if he continued on this downwards spiral. One he started, he rarely stopped until everything was well and truly a mess.

Which is why he hadn't started. He wanted to. God he wanted to drink himself into an oblivion, forgetting everything and feeling that sense of freedom, the burn in his throat as he downed it. But he wanted Carla more, and for the first time in his life, he wasn't letting drink win. He was putting his demons aside, for now anyway.

Peter held his phone in his hand, twirling it around and around as he thought about dialling Carla's number and his fingers hovered above her name countless times. But still he couldn't bring himself to do it. Part of him was angry, his selfish side wanted to make her hurt like he was, wanted to wait for her to contact him, scared and worried and desperate. But the other side of him, the side that loved Carla more than he ever believed humanly possible, wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and hide her from the cruel world. He wanted to tightly hold her and kiss her and just... feel her. He wasn't sure which side would win yet.

Carla lay on her back on the tiny bed in the hospital, her hands on her bump where they always seemed to be these days. She'd stopped crying, just. But only because her eyes had ran dry of tears. She didn't think it was physically possible to cry anymore. As she spoke softly to her unborn baby, Carla's voice cracked with emotion, broken. "I'm sorry, little one. I'm sorry for bringing you into this world when it's all such a mess." Her fingers trace patterns so tenderly, "Your auntie Chelle isn't very well, but she's going to get better to meet you, I promise."

Carla had no idea Peter was back, no idea he was listening from the side of the open door, "Your daddy's run off somewhere, again. He's good at running off when the going gets touch. Then again, so am I." Carla whispered honestly and Peter squeezed his eyes closed with regret. "I'm sorry kiddo. Sorry you're stuck with a useless mother and sorry your dad's an idiot and I'm sorry for making a mess of everything I do and everyone I touch." She still cried no more, empty and numb almost, "But me and your daddy, we love you so much and I do love him, I love him ridiculously and we'll make it work for you, I swear." Carla nodded determinedly, "Not just for you, for me too. Because I don't think I'd cope if he left us again. I'm not very good on my own, baby. Well, I'm not very good at all. But I'm trying me best, I swear I am."

Peter stood silently still, listening intently to Carla's words, taking it all in. Carla still spoke, almost waffling but comforted by talking to her unborn child, "Your daddy's not that bad y'know. He's a damn sight better than me anyway. He's got the biggest heart really and the brownest eyes and the most irritatingly charming smile that just gets right under me skin. And he's already such a good dad and he's trying so hard and I know he loves us both. You'll have him wrapped around your little finger, I know it. I'll probably have to fight for his attention when you're finally here, but I won't mind. I'll pretend I do, pout my lips at him and demand a kiss but really I'll love it because you'll be here and we want you so much, little one. We really, really do. So you just keep doing whatever it is you're doing in there, keeping getting bigger and stronger for me. And don't tell your daddy what I said cos he's already got a big head and he'll never let me live it down when I'm meant to be angry at him for leaving me here on my own. I'm not though, I don't blame him. I'd probably leave me too. He'll be back though, cos he'll be back for you. I know him and I know he'll be back for you." Carla scrunched her eyes up and took a deep breath, "I just hope he's not doing anything bloody stupid cos I'll kill him." She whispered under her breath but still loud enough for Peter to hear as he stepped into the room more but leaned against the door frame,

"I didn't just come back for our baby." He said softly, his voice making Carla sit up in confusion, oblivious to his presence until then, "I came back for you and for us." He slowly stepped towards her, "I didn't... Do anything stupid and you will never have to fight for my attention. Not anymore." Carla's eyes were still intently watching him as he perched on the end of the bed, his hand on her leg as he sat in his old battered leather jacket, watching her back.

Carla swallowed back the lump in her throat as she pulled herself up and rested her hand on Peters, "Baby.." She whispered, surprised he was back already, having thought he'd be away for so long. "Please don't leave me again.." She spoke with such raw emotion, needily, as he crawled up the bed and wrapped his arms around her. He didn't speak for a moment and neither did she, they didn't need to. They just needed a few minutes of complete and utter love.

And as they lay wrapped up in eachother, neither of them noticed how Michelle's hands moved slightly on the bed, her fingers twitching and her eyelashes fluttering every so gently.


	39. Chapter 39

_So sorry for being so rubbish! Massive writers block! I hope people are still interested?!_

**_This world keeps spinning faster into a new disaster so I run to you. When it all starts coming undone, baby you're the only one I run to."_**

Carla held Peters hand so tight, he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from asking her to be a bit gentler. He knew the look of anger she would throw him and would do almost anything to avoid being under that glare from his wife, so he figured a few broken fingers from nerves would be worth it.

He also knew the look on her face - the exact look she was giving right now - was worth it. Worth anything in the world. Her eyes glazed over as she looked adoringly, disbelievingly, at the scan image of her baby. The heartbeat, she could finally hear the delicate lull of her babies tiny heart beating alongside her own and she felt like she could breathe. Really breathe.

"Is it, I mean, are they-?" Peter stumbled over his words as his eyes also never left the screen and the midwife threw them a knowing smile, "Your baby is absolutely fine. A little on the small side but that's completely normal. You have a very healthy little baby in there my love." Carla's coy smile melted Peter's heart as he gently rubbed her hand with his thumb. "Can we know the sex?" Carla asked softly, her eyes not leaving the screen and Peter's eyes not leaving Carla, almost in a world of his own as his eyes took her in, her bump uncovered and his heart welling with love for them both.

Peter didnt even register being told he was the father to a little girl but Carla's sob brought him back to earth and as his daze ended he saw her green orbs staring at him with a look he could only describe as pure love. "A baby girl, Peter. A second chance." She whispered, not bothering to wipe her own tears but her gentle touch with the back of her hands lovingly wiped away Peter's from his cheeks.

Neither of them knew what to say in that moment, but neither of them needed to speak. They both knew what the other was feeling because they too could feel it so intensely. In that moment, the world seemed to fix itself.

* * *

Carla lay on the sofa of their flat, curled into Peter's chest as much as her bump with her tiny daughter inside would allow her and he held her tenderly, enjoying the moment of peace they were sharing. Carla's fingers fiddled with the collar of his shirt as she nestled against him, her safety. They had been like this for hours now, wrapped up in eachother, making plans for them and their little girl, talking about names and homes and tiny little clothes. Talking about happy times and happy plans and it was almost as if there had never been a bad word between them.

After a while of quiet, Carla sighed softly, randomly speaking her thoughts "I just wish she'd answer me texts.."

Peter had known that was what she would be thinking about and so had remained quiet for a moment, letting her gather her thoughts until she was ready to speak. Michelle's wakening and recovery had not been what was expected in the slightest. If Peter was honest, he hadn't expected her to wake at all but as always, his wife was right and the Connor fight won through.

Michelle hadn't done what he assumed she would though. She hadn't broke down in Carla's arms and begged for forgiveness. Although she did apologise, repeatedly. Apologised for hurting her, hurting everyone. She apologised for causing so many problems and she apologised for waking up. Because she truly hadn't thought she would. But then, after telling Carla how much she loved her, she told her to go. Told her to stay away and leave her alone, that she was leaving and getting away from Weatherfield because she was no good to anyone round there anymore. She had said that this hadn't been for sympathy and that she didn't deserve Carla's or anyone else's forgiveness. So she climbed in the car with Ryan and he drove them away. And that was it. Although Peter hoped, for Carla's sake, not for long.

"I know love, but just give her time. Maybe she's right, getting away might do her good, eh?"

Carla stayed quiet for a moment before she spoke again, as though really thinking about her words. "Heres a question then, baby. Cause I've been wondering - ever since I were a kid I suppose. When you lose the most important person to you in the entire world, where is all the love - love you never even knew you were capable of - supposed to go? What 'appens to it, how are you supposed to live with all that love inside of you and no one to give it to?" Peter stayed silent as he watched her, intrigued as to where she was taking this. He stay stroking back her hair, knowing her well enough to know she wasn't looking for an answer and he was glad because he sure as hell didn't have one.

"I remember when I were 4 and I'd just started school, I 'ad this little angel badge thing, a little glass guadian angel it were meant to be. Me nan gave it me the year before for Christmas and I loved it so much. Oh, I were so attached to that stupid glass thing. Me mum were useless but nan were alright when she was around. She tried I suppose." Carla sniffle quietly in his arms, not crying, but not completely together either.

"Anyway, I kept this thing everyday, kept it in me pocket, never let it out me sight. And one day I was on the school playground and the teacher, she never did like me, she asked me to hand it over, told me it were too dangerous for schools. Course I refused and well long story short it ended up smashed on the floor. All that were left was the tiny head and the halo, looked right creepy after that and I were distraught. Inconsolable. That was the day I first met our 'Chelle. Well, first time we spoke properly anyway. She came over to see what all the fuss was about and promised to help me find another one. Never left my side after that. I remember that night I cried myself to sleep, cried and cried. I'd loved it so much and I didn't have anything to love anymore. I thought that was real heartache, til our Paul and Liam and our baby and then... Well nearly Chelle. Loving someone with all your heart and then they're not there to love anymore. They're gone and you're just left with a gapping hole and a gut full of love and no one to give it to."

Carla hadn't looked at Peter as she spoke. She was better at talking when she pretended she was alone. "After Frank.. Y'know the first Christmas after, me and Chelle 'ad said we weren't doing presents. Neither of us were in the mood I suppose. But after I got home from you and she were curled up on the sofa, she handed me this tiny little box and told me to open it later. It were the most beautiful little angel pin badge, just like that one. I couldn't believe it, Peter. I were always good at pushing her away and she always knew how to pull me out. The next day I'd asked her, 'why now? Why so many years later?' And she just.. she just said 'because I wasn't there.' So I know you think I should walk away but I can't. I can't because she never walked away from me and trust me I've said some pretty harsh things in me time to that girl Peter. I mean, I threw Frank in her face and I had known how awful she felt about it. What sort of a friend am I, eh? So when she's better and more herself she's gonna need me more than ever."

Peter placed a long, lingering kiss to her head before he responded, overcome with love for her all over again, "Sweetheart, I don't think you should give up on her. In fact, I'd worry if you did. We'll get her back to you, Carla. I promise." As Peter rested his head against hers, he knew he meant that. He knew he would do whatever he had to to help the woman in his arms and he just hoped he could pull off the plan forming in his mind as he cuddled her tenderly.


	40. Chapter 40

_Thank you for the reviews! Please keep them coming!_

**_Let's take our time t_****_o say what we want, us_****_e what we got, b_****_efore it's all gone. '_****_Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow_**

Peter flopped down onto the large king sized bed with an almost proud smile. So far, so good. He had managed to drag his over six months pregnant wife on a flight that took an entire day but much to his dismay, Carla had slept almost the entire way. She said the pregnancy was exhausting her but Peter had enjoyed teasing her lazy ways over the last few months. As she relaxed in the large hot tub bath in their ridiculously expensive bedroom with incredible views of the Maldives beach, she still has no idea what was to come. Two days in and still he had managed to keep it a secret, although he had struggled with that since day one. He'd been desperate to share every inch of his ideas with her but he knew her face when she realised would be well worth the wait.

Peter knew the hardest bit wasn't over yet and that was the main reason he had been so secret about their impulsive holiday that had nearly broken the bank. When she had discovered the location, Carla had been desperate to pay towards it but Peter was insistent and refused. Money had been the cause of many an argument during their relationship, or rather Peter's ego because of it. He was determined to put that behind him this time, at least, once this was over. What was bothering Peter most was the part he hadn't absolutely no control over, something that could fall apart at the last minute and that, well that was terrifying him.

As Carla came out wrapped in just a towel covering her and her now ever growing bump, Peter couldn't help but grin. He throw his phone to the bed after checking it for the hundredth time and climbed up, wrapping his arms around her from behind, "Mmm, I'll show you my white bits if you'll show me yours." He grinned cheekily, his hands resting on her waist over the white towel which only proved to illuminate her brown, perfectly tanned skin even more. The bump seemed to be the only place Carla had gained any weight and Peter couldn't fathom how good she was looking.

"Is that a promise, Mr Barlow?" Carla flashed him her side smirk and tilted her head for a little kiss.

"Always!"

Carla cackled softly and turned around in his arms, "So what are the plans for today, baby?" she let her arms wrap around his neck with the most content smile Peter was sure he had ever seen.

Peter's breath hitched in his throat slightly before he managed to sort him self out inwardly and smile back. He couldn't believe the day had actually come. Before he had chance to answer, the door knocked and Peter froze. This was it. The moment of truth. "Who the hells that?" Carla tutted but smiled, pulling her towel tighter before heading over to answer it. "Wait! No, I'll get it love. You put some clothes on, eh?" Peter winked softly and hovered by the door until Carla disappeared into the bathroom with a perplexed smile.

Peter breathed a sigh of relief as the door opened and the person he had longed to see more than anything in the world stood facing him.

"You really came."

* * *

Peter quietly let the door shut as he stood outside his hotel room to talk to their visitor. Now she was here, he couldn't believe he had pulled it off. Nobody had been able to get through to Michelle, least of all Carla. Since she'd moved away over the last month, she had ignored her best friend completely and Peter had watched it break Carla's heart. Peter knew Michelle wasn't doing it to cause upset, he knew deep down, she really believed she should stay away. But he knew better and after weeks of painful pleading, he had managed to convince her of that too.

"How is she?" Michelle's voice was quiet, soft and her eyes glanced over the door she knew her best friend was behind. Even as she stood there, she wasn't sure this had been the right decision. She didn't believe she deserved forgiveness but she hadn't known loneliness like she had in the last few weeks and if what Peter said was true, maybe Carla needed her back just as much.

"Big!" Peter chuckled lightly, wanting to lighten the mood, "She's doing well, they both are."

Michelle gave a small smile at the thought of the daughter Carla was carrying. Of course she had received the pictures of scans Carla had sent and she had treasured them, despite her lack of response.

"And she doesn't have any idea about this? That I'm 'ere?"

Peter shook his head quickly, "No.. She doesn't have a clue what I've got planned and especially not that you're here. I didn't know-"

"You didn't know if I'd turn up. I said I would, didn't I?" Michelle didn't sound angry as she spoke, just defeated. She had lost the respect and trust of so many people and it tormented her endlessly.

Both looked up at the sound of Carla calling and Peter bit his lip, "I need to get back in there, you'll be back at about 3, yeah?"

Michelle took a deep breath and nodded, "I guess I'll see you then. I'll bring everything we'll need. If she hasn't killed me before that bit."

Peter's hand was already on the door handle but he threw her a soft smile and shook his head, kissing her cheek as a gesture of almost reassurance. "Trust me, 'chelle. There's no one else she'd rather be here for this. I know it."

With that, he was gone. Leaving Michelle to ponder what was next.


	41. Chapter 41

_**Yeah you and me we can ride on a star if you stay with me girl, we can rule the world. Yeah you and me we can light up the sky if you stay by my side, we can rule the world **_

The sound of the waves crashing not far below her was soothing for Carla. The sea was always something she had loved, even as a child. She found it calming, relaxing. A safe haven. She smiled contently to herself as she looked down over the balcony of their hotel room, enjoying the quiet whilst Peter had popped out briefly. Her hand rested where it always did, across her bump, as she gently tickled the skin below her top. She loved the way her baby reacted to the touch on her bump. Kicking away in reaction as though she knew it was her mother. It made Carla's heart swell in a way she hadn't believed possible. She was still the same person, a bit rough, a tough exterior but an easily broken, easily hurt interior. She still hated herself for mistakes she had made and could be filled with self loathe at times but when she thought about the future that was dangled in front of her, so within reach, so tangible, well, she could almost forget her past.

Carla turned behind her with a smile as she heard the door, walking into the room to greet Peter. Instead, her jaw dropped and she froze. A silence fell over both the women, the almost sisters, the closest of friends.

"Chelle-"

"Car'-"

Carla didn't say another word and neither did Michelle, instead they fell into a warm, loving embrace and held each other in relief. For now, everything felt okay again.

* * *

The women didn't have as much time as they needed to talk things through, but they had enough for now. Enough that they could share small smiles and sit beside each other on the bed. Carla felt like a piece of her had come home. She felt as though something had been missing, like she always had when she had fallen out with Michelle. They had been far too close and been through far too much together to not overcome this.

A long while later and Carla pulled on a short, white, untraditional wedding dress Michelle had brought with her, a thin, flowing holiday dress that complimented Carla's bump perfectly. She wasn't entirely sure she had gotten her head around what was going on after Michelle explained, still in a state of shock but she allowed Michelle to curl her hair while they chatted about not too serious subjects, needing a lighter atmosphere.

"So 'ave you talked about names?" Michelle carefully sorted Carla's hair, gratefully almost.

Carla smiled as her eyes fell to her stomach, "Oh yeah, we've talked til we're blue in the face but we can't agree on nowt." She laughed, "We'll get there in the end I guess."

Michelle smiled fondly as she thought of a million memories she's shared with Carla as kids, "Remember when we were kids and you swore you'd name your first baby Macie?"

Carla chuckled lightly, nodding at the happy memories. Surprisingly, there had been quite a few of them, even with her upbringing. Granted, most of them were spent with Michelle, Liam and Paul, the four of them hanging out together every chance they got. They'd been incredibly close growing up, and when Dean joined the school he'd instantly become one of them. They'd shared many laughs since primary school and through to secondary. In fact they'd shared many laughs for long after that, until tragedy struck for all three of their boys. "I'd forgotten that y'know. Eh, Macie Barlow. Got quite a ring to it that." She bit her lip with a smile at the thought.

"Chelle, do you think I'll be a good mum?"

Michelle stopped what she was doing, placing the curlers on the side and sitting on the seat in front of Carla. "I think.." She sighed softly, obviously thinking of her guilt constantly, "I think it's gonna be the making of you, love. I think this is it. You two, the baby, the new house, I think this is where you finally get to be happy."

Carla stared at her for a moment, swallowing back and then taking Michelle's hand. "I think now I can be." She didn't say any more, she didn't need to.

* * *

Carla shook her head with a tiny chuckle, her eyes catching Peter's as she slowly walked beside Michelle and up the sandy beach, along the home made aisle towards him. He looked smart and nervous and excited all at once. She couldn't love him more.

"You! What's all this about?!"

Flashes of their last wedding day dance across Peter's mind, how beautiful his bride looked dressed head to toe in white. How her eyes lit up with excitement and love and how all he had done was tainted it. He remembers thinking how amazing she looked that day, the dress she had spent hours picking out, hair and make up intricately done to perfection. And yet, Peter can't help but think she looks better this time around. Maybe it's because he knows exactly what he has this time, maybe it's because she's carrying his tiny, precious baby daughter or maybe it's the way the sun bounces off her browned skin and the plain white dress she wears falls just above her knees. Maybe its how light her hair looks as it tumbles down her back in loose curls or maybe it's just because she looks so incredibly happy. Maybe it's all of them.

Peter takes her hand after throwing Michelle a proud smile and then turns his attentions to his wife. He feels as though he can't quite catch his breath, as though his words will sound silly now his plan has come together. "I know you're already my wife and this is just a blessing, saying our vows again, whatever folk call it these days. But I wanted to make something to remember, I wanted to surprises you and woo you and make it, well special." His thumbs rubbed her fingers as he spoke, "Truth is, Carla, our wedding day is tainted in't it. It always will be. I wanted to give you the day you'd dreamed of, without all the bad memories."

Carla hadn't realised she'd let a few tears fall at his words until Michelle hadn't her a tissue with a small knowing smile. She chuckled slightly, "God, this baby is turning me into an emotional wreck." She shook her head softly, "You're amazing, Peter Barlow. This is amazing."

The ceremony went without a hitch. And the night went incredibly different to their wedding night. Not a drop of wine was in sight as the three of them shared a meal and talked like old friends who hadn't been together in a very long time. When Michelle left them, Carla was able to finally tell Peter all she was feeling. She was able to tell him much she loved him and how much this trip and their blessing had meant to her.

Alone in their hotel suite, she was able to show him too.


	42. Chapter 42

_Just a short one... Sorry!_

_**There were photographs I wanted to take, things I wanted to show you. Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes. Who could ever love you like this?**_

_Her sobbing body draped across her husbands lifeless form, crying against his chest that only moves because machines keep it doing so. "I'm so sorry Mrs Connor, there was nothing we could do." The biggest regret of her life is that he died not believing she loved him. Yet still, she repeats that same mistake again, and it's much too close to home. _

_..._

_"I don't love ya." But she does, she loves him more than she coul__d have deemed possible and that is why her legs collapse beneath her as his body is wheeled away, that is why a part of her dies with him too. That song will always remind her of him now. "Oh I don't love you, but I always will." _

_..._

_Laughter. Thats what she remembers most about the last time. "I guess I'll be seeing ya." "Not if I see you first." What measly last words. She should have thanked her back. Thanked her for never giving up, for being her diamond in a sea of rocks. She should have told her she'd look after her left behind husband because she would, she had. She always will. Another friend, another life that has touched her, snatched away._

_..._

_Pain, agony, emptiness, loss. Her bump hadn't had a chance to grow and now her baby was taken cruelly away. She's barely said hey, she's barely said hello and now she's saying something else, she's saying goodbye. The conversation cut short, now she's saying farewell. _

_..._

Memories haunt Carla as she screams out in agony in the emptiness of her new house. Hers and Peter's new house. She knows this feeling too well. Something being so in reach and then just.. not. Gone. No explanation, no reasons, just a huge gap, a hole.

Unfillable. Irreplaceable.

It's too early. It's too soon, her little girl isn't strong enough yet, she's not ready. A few more weeks, Carla begs. Just hold on a few more weeks. But she knows begging is futile because water soaks the floor around her and pain grips her very being. This baby is waiting for no one.

"Peter!" Carla screeches and yet she does not know why because he isn't there. No one is there, "Please someone help us, help my baby." She is crying endlessly and she wishes she could hold herself together long enough to crawl across the floor but the pain is too much. She needs to reach her phone, just get some help, be the strong one.

But she isn't strong. She never was.

That is why everyone always leaves, one way or another. Everyone leaves because she is not good enough and she cannot truly blame them. Her daughter is doing as her sister did and pressing eject before she too can be damaged beyond repair.

She has made it to seven months and sometimes she could wake up and not panic, not hold her breath until she felt a kick or a wiggle. Rarely though. Because everyday she had woken she had been consumed with this new life. Her new home with Peter. Their own house with a nursery and a spare room for Simon just five minutes from the street. Decorating and new furniture. The nursery is nearly ready now.

Awaiting an arrival that will never come home.

She cannot move now, the agony in her stomach as she practically feels the life leaving her just too much to handle. She lays on her side on the newly tiled kitchen floor and she cries. Carla holds the teddy she had been about to place in the nursery as though a thief were about to take it from her. The first thing they had brought their daughter, something so precious that now seemed so futile. She cradles it to her chest as she cries in agony and loss.

"Baby, baby girl please just hang on. We can do this." Her voice is broken, so believing she is a ready too late.

Carla doesn't realise her dress is now seeped with blood, or rather she does but she cannot fathom what it means.

She just wants the pain to end now and she does not mean physically because she is too numb to feel that any longer. She wants Peter to hold her hand and tell her that their baby will be okay, that this is just a bad dream like all the others but he can't because he isn't there and this isn't a dream.

This is her reality.


	43. Chapter 43

**_I know you have a little life in you yet, I know you have a lot of strength left._**

She has been lifeless for so long on her unforgiving kitchen floor that she wasn't sure that she hadn't given up the fight alongside her child. Carla has barely been able to move, the intense pain rendering her useless and she has all but given up hope now. Her baby is gone, she is sure. Maybe she will go too. At least that is fitting, a mother and her daughter, not united in life but united in death at least. The thought that that means forever eases her pain a tad.

She doesn't know how long she has been draped across the floor but it feels like a lifetime. It feels like her baby has been gone forever, as though it was never there. But Carla knows she was, she knows her aching body carried her tiny daughter for more than seven months and she knows that although her fear grew more everyday, so did her love. She has made so many plans, so many hopes and wishes for the life she wants to make so much better than the one she herself had. She wants to give her daughter a mother and father that will above all, show her love everyday. Because Carla is not deluded and she knows she is a far cry from perfect, and the ups and downs of family life while living with an alcoholic won't make for an easy ride. But if they have love, she believes they have it all.

Carla comforts herself as she still grips her lost daughters teddy while thinking of the plans she has made in her head. The scenarios she has dreamt of. Taking their daughter to work for the first time and letting their friends coo over her, walking side by side with her husband as she pushes their slumbing child and laughs at something stupid he has said.

She barely hears him letting himself in with the smell of hot chips lingering into the kitchen, she doesn't hardly hear the shrill noise of shock and terror he makes.

She's too far gone, too far gone with their little girl.

It isn't until she gives a final push and she watches as nurses fuss around the bed in the hospital hours later that she finally speaks again. Peter's hand gripped in hers as he sobs and she watches emotionless. On the outside at least.

**_I should be crying but I just can't let it show, I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking of all the things I should've said that I never said, all the things we should've done that we never did, all the things I should've given but I didn't._**

"She's dead in't she. I couldn't do it." She looks up at Peter as she speaks, her voice so quiet and her eyes so broken. She blames herself, she thinks she should have been a better mother even before her daughter was born. Maybe this is punishment for all the wrongs she has committed. She does not deserve to be trusted with such a precious thing.

Peter doesn't answer her and neither do the nurses.

Because before they do, a tiny cry echos through the room as a midwife wraps a towel around the incredibly tiny, poorly baby and Carla feels her heart stop as she realises her daughters heart hasn't.

"Peter?" She whispers, her eyes not on him now but on the small bundle she can't quite make out through the hurry of the nurses and doctors.

He squeezes her hand and gives her a proud nod, tears still across his face from both fear and relief and yet pride as well. "Yes my love, yes. You did it." He's never loved her more.

Carla let's herself release a sob she hadn't known she was holding back but she doesn't get the chance to relish the birth of her daughter because after being given a second to let her eyes linger over her tiny body and placing what she thinks is the softest kiss she has ever given to her baby's forehead, the baby is whisked away and Carla and Peter are alone again.

As Peter's eyes fall back to Carla he half collapses to her body and cries against her chest. He knows he must be strong for her and yet in those moments he cannot be. She plays with his hair, her fingers running through it as she lets him bury his face against her and she too cries.

They are scared, terrified. And yet both alight with relief that they were still able to feel hope. Because the fight wasn't over get and Peter knew if his daughter was anything like her mother, like his wife, she would never, ever give up.

Carla didn't say a word for the longest time. Too scared, too lost. She had imagined this moment a thousand times over. Imagined holding her daughter for the first time, cradling her against her own exhausted body. She imagined the feeling of looking into her daughter's warm, confused eyes for the first and feeling an overwhelming love she couldn't have imagined possible.

After what felt like forever but in reality was the briefest of moments, a nurse returned to check on Carla, checking her over after the traumatic birth, "Please, I'm fine. Leave me. I just want to know what's happening with my little girl."

The nurse threw the new parents a knowing smile and nodded, "I'm sorry love, she's been taken to intensive care, she's very early and her body isn't developed to breathe alone yet. I can take you to see her if you're up to it?"

Carla nodded without hesitation. "Please, please I need to see her." Peter's hand holds hers tightly as they prepare themselves for what lays ahead. Carla can't think of anything except the desperate need to see her baby. To see the life she has made. To her baby before it might be too late.

**_Oh darling make it go, make it go away_**


	44. Chapter 44

**Just to let you all _know_ I think this fic will be coming to an end over the next couple of chapters. It feels like the right time for it to end for those that are still reading. I promise I'll wrap up the storylines properly and thanks for sticking with it!**

_**And as soon as I can hold you once again I won't let go of you, I swear. We live through scars this time but I've made up my mind, we can't leave us behind anymore**_.

It's been 6 days, 5 hours and 32 minutes since Carla gave birth and she's hardly left the hospital. She cannot bare to leave the side of her tiny new born baby girl, scared she'll disappear if she even blinks for a second too long.

Her emotions are all over the place. She's filled with a love she didn't know possible and yet she is terrified. She is a mother and all of a sudden she doesn't feel ready. She watches now as Peter holds Macie in his arms for only the second time, she's getting better and stronger all the time but Carla will not touch her. She cannot let herself hold her. "No, Peter I told you. I don't want to hold her." She stands with her arms folded as she watches them, her lips pursed and shakes her head.

Carla loves the little bundle in her husbands arms and yet she refuses to bond with her. She will not let herself touch her or hold her or speak properly to her. Her daughter being so ill only seems to make the matter worse, further fuelling Carla's beliefs that she is not good enough to be a mother.

Peter feels his heart breaking every time he watches his wife with their daughter. His baby girl needs her mummy and yet he cannot seem to persuade her of this fact. It is killing him. It his killing him because he cannot seem to find the words to show her how important this is. How desperately she will regret missing out on the early days. Peter can see the aching in Carla's eyes each time he catches her watching Macie. He knows her arms feel heavy and long desperately to feel the weight of her baby girl sleeping in them. Finally their baby is beginning to get better and soon she will be allowed home. Their fight is nearly over now and yet Peter knows it's just begun.

"Carla you can't keep doing this love. You need to bond with her."

"Will you just stop? I don't want to bond with her, Peter. I couldn't even get her through the pregnancy properly, what kind of mother am I." Her words say something so different to her eyes as they fall upon her slumbering daughter. A piece of her.

"So what, what are you suggesting. We leave her here and go home as if she doesn't exist?"

"Don't be so stupid!" She barely has any fight in her anymore.

Peter cannot raise his voice because he tenderly cradles his daughter against his chest but his eyes plead with his wife. "Well then what Carla. You tell me, because I am all out of options." He stands up slowly, carefully and walks towards Carla before she can back away.

"Look at her. Look at our daughter Carla." She shakes her head and looks anywhere but at the little girl but Peter is relentless, "Look at her."

Carla's eyes fall to Macie and her breath catches in her throat "I'm no good Peter, I'll break her. I'll destroy her.." He wishes he could wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Hold her."

"No."

"Carla, hold our daughter."

She shakes her head and rubs her lips together as she tries not to sob but the tears keep coming and before she has a second to realise, Peter us laying their sleeping angel in his wife's arms and it is too late for her to pull away.

Instinctively Carla pulls her closer as she almost gasps, needing to protect the most precious thing she has ever known "Peter take her back.. I can't.." but Peter steps away and shakes his head "you can my love. You are. There's no user guide to this, no instruction manual. You just need to love her, baby."

Carla's eyes fall down to the baby in her arms as she sinks down into the chair, defeated. Macie lays wrapped in the softest of cream blankets that Carla and Peter brought before they even knew whether she was a girl or a boy. She doesn't speak now. She can't. She simply watches the sleeping form of her daughter and pulls her in slightly closer.

The little thing in her arms has soon become her world, despite her determination not to bond With her. She is her entire world and that is what so desperately terrifies her. She is the dependant one. She is the one that relies on others and she is not used to the responsibility of being so incredibly relied on. Not when she is such a mess of a person herself.

How can she be expected to look after sombody so perfect when she is so far from a good person. How can she teach this little girl rights and wrongs and morals. How can she teach her manners and give her happiness and love when she knew so little of it growing up.

And yet as she does what she did minutes after the birth, placing the smallest of kisses to Macie forehead, she knows she will do everything in her power to try.


	45. Chapter 45

_**Thanks for sticking with this. Hope you've enjoyed. **_

_**You're the light, you're the night, you're the colour of my blood. You're the cure, you're the pain, you're the only thing I wanna touch. Never knew that it could mean so much**_

Carla held her daughter close against her chest and breathed in her smell. It was the first time in the two and a half weeks she'd been born that Carla had held Macie properly since the hospital and as looked down at the tiny being, she wondered why she'd ever wasted a second of it.

She was still completely unaware of Peter's presence as she sat crossed legged on the sofa, her eyes on her daughter. "Mummy's here now little one. Mummy's here." Carla held her as close as she could, almost trying to make up for lost moments. "I'm sorry you're stuck with me for a mummy but I'm gonna try my hardest, I swear. People will probably tell you lots of things about me when you get bigger Macie. I'm not that liked round here you see. I want you to know how much I love you though, and your daddy does do. He's the one that's been looking after you why I've been being so rubbish, but I'm gonna get help now I promise darling. I'm going to try and be a good mum. I want to be, I do. You were made with so much love and you're so so precious. A miracle. My little miracle."

Peter had let himself in a while ago after forcing Carla to stay with Macie while he went to check on the bookies. He knew it was hard on her but he'd needed to make her do something. Make her feel something. So he'd gotten up that morning as normal, fed and clothed his daughter that was only very recently allowed home from hospital and then placed her in her moses basket in the front room beside Carla who was where she always was these last few days if she wasn't at the factory. Sat, pretending intently to concentrate on rubbish TV while Peter could see right though her. He could see the pain and fear in her eyes a mile off. "Right love I'm popping into work. See you two later." He kissed Macie's forehead and then Carla's and then, he had simply left. Not giving her more than a second to protest.

"Your dad's a right moron trusting me on me own with you. I don't know how to stop you crying or feed you or owt!" Carla sighed to herself and ignored the fact that as soon as she had tenderly cradled her screaming daughter to her chest, the crying had stopped.

"You're so little. So fragile. God, I've never been good for anyone. This'll all end badly little one."

Peter bit his lip and slowly made his way over to his two girls, "Eh, I think you're doing pretty well actually love."

Carla looked up, startled and then threw her husband a glare, "What were you thinking you flammin' idiot! I can't look after her, you know that Peter!" But Peter shook his head as he sat beside her carefully, "She looks pretty content to me sweetheart." It wasn't until then that Carla had realised Macie was asleep. Slumbering contently for the first time in her mother's arms.

"You 'ave been good for someone Carla. You've been good for me. Do you know how hard it's been not to turn to drink these last few weeks? How much I've been desperate to get off me face? You think I would've stayed sober if it weren't for you and that little girl? That baby that you carried and you gave me? Cos I know I sure as hell wouldn't have."

Carla shook her head, but her eyes remained on the little girl she was finding so comforting to hold, "I'm a mess, Peter. Why did I ever let you convince me I could be a mum."

Peter so delicately ran a finger down his sleeping baby's cheek and then did the same to Carla, "I don't need to convince you. You're already doing it. She already needs you, Carla. And you need her. You love her and she's going to grow to love you with a love you have never ever known. A love that knows no bounds no matter what you do, as long as you show it back. As long as you are always there. To wipe her tears, to cuddle her after a nightmare, to fight off anyone that tries to hurt her. To scare away monsters under her bed or wipe her grazed knees. To take her to school on her first day and be there for all the parents evenings and the sports days and have her friends over for tea and let her tell you everything she's done that day even if it's utter rubbish. You are going to be a better mum than I was a dad to Simon and I am going to be the best dad I can hope to be. We're going to give our daughter everything we can in this life Carla. I will not let you push her away or push me away. I won't."

When Peter pulled back after placing a kiss to his wife's head he realises she is crying. But she isn't crying because she is sad.

"I want her to be so proud that I'm her mum, Peter. Not embarrassed. I want her to grow up and come into work with me and I'll carry her around while she cuddles into me. I want her to toddle around playing with my expensive lipsticks and wearing my heels when she's trying to be like her mum. I want to take her to school and meet her friends and I want her to trust me with anything. To come to me if shes scared or worried or confused. I just want to be everything my mum wasn't." Carla wiped her eyes quickly, careful not to disturb Macie,

"What if I can't do that Peter?"

Suddenly he realised why she was so terrified. She didn't want her daughter to end up as lonely as she once had been. It broke his heart for the little Carla he had never known but would have done anything to protect.

"You know what love? I think you're already half way there." She let her eyes meet his and slowly, she nodded. Because she was beginning to realise that just by wanting to do all these things, she was a better mum than hers had ever been.

As she let Peter cuddle her and held her daughter even closer, Carla Barlow finally realised that it isn't about the perfect life and it isn't about being happy all the time. It's about the people you spend the imperfect moments with and it's how perfect they make those moments anyway.

And looking at the little family she had made, she was pretty sure she had come further than she ever imaged she could.

**_The end._**


End file.
